Crusading and Soapboxes

It was my intent to make one more picture post of Haiti... we'll see. I'm sure I'll be talking about it, before the day is through. I just love that place! Guess what? I'm going back in December! I already bought my ticket and everything! Somehow I managed to save a lot of money in just a few months. I can hardly wait.

I've become some sort of crusader lately. Sort of like I expected, going to Haiti was (selfishly) more about me than about helping those "in need." How much help can you give someone in 6 days? What kind of relationship can you establish in less than a week? I kind of just went along for the ride, and watched, and felt... For me, I intentionally went to find some kind of quiet... some solace from the "do" part of my life. We all know how busy moms are. There just never seems to be enough hours in the day, no matter how early one rises, (5 AM?) or how late one finally goes to bed. (11 PM?) What I needed was to be taken from my life, with its noise and constant chaos, and be stretched and forced to reckon with certain things in my life that were not helping the Kingdom. Or me. Or my kids.

I think that we all have "stuff" that we need to come to terms with. We have habits that make us comfortable, sinful attitudes that we don't realize are there, and that have become second nature to us, and we have personalities that can help us or prevent us from succeeding at living the way God wanted us to. That, and circumstance. There is so much happening in this world that keeps us from achieving what we were made for. And there is so much searching in all of us for what that is. Do you know what? I will tell you a secret... and thanks to Jesus for giving Peter and I someone who is very honest, and very wise, who shared it with us... you are living it! You can think about that... but God has placed you in YOUR life to do what YOU can do the best. What is it that excites you... what makes you "come alive?" Only you know, and only you can do it better than anyone. I'm chasing rabbits, like usual.

I sort of gave up on what my "calling" was/is. I don't think I even knew. I was discontent and tired, and lacking any sort of drive. I had no desire to do anything except place one foot in front of the other and just survive. I had no time or will to consider where I wanted to be, as a person. Just forget about even trying to achieve that. So, since I don't think I said in the last two posts, what Haiti was for me was a time out. A stop sign that brought me to a screeching halt, and God beating me back into His will. I was afraid, timid, weak, lazy... frail. Did I say this already? I feel like I have. I don't have enough brain space to remember what I already said before. And I conquered all of the things that have kept me from living for real. I got a passport! I flew on an airplane! I left my family waaaaay out of my sight! I made myself vulnerable to a lot of people I never would  have trusted before! And I gave up trying to control my own life... the things I had no say over, the things that made me afraid to begin with. I woke up. So, just call me Sleeping Beauty.

What I can say is that here, in writing, it looks so easy. But it hurt more than anything. Its really hard to confront yourself and have to go home and make a change. And I can remember  being so angry that I had to leave Haiti and actually go back to my life and do things differently. So, you know what? Going to Haiti made me confront stuff. And coming home made me confront stuff... and here I am now, stopping myself every single day from sitting on the sidelines and watching life blow past me. Now I'm for realsies in the race, doing it! I still get up earlier that a lot of people, and I still go to bed later than a lot of people, and my life is still pure, unadulterated chaos... but now I have a better perspective and I'm a little more realistic about how I use my time. Yay, for growth.

See? I didn't waste any time talking about the place that I love. Does anyone else cry a little bit when they open a deliciously humongous pot of rice and beans and smell the scent of Haiti? Or wish they could drink Creole sauce right out of the pan? I feel homesick for a place I've only lived in for a week. I am so glad my husband is willing to give up a week of the holidays for me to go back! And so grateful for the support of my children, who, even in their disappointment of me leaving at Christmas time said "Mommy! If you are going at Christmas, you can take everyone PRESENTS!!!" I am so proud of them. They even started telling me all the things that they have that I can pack in my suitcase for the kids at the orphanage. One day, I am going to bring them with me, and let them play with their new friends that they have never met. We are doing life with those Haitians now, and it feels so good that my whole family is invested in the well being of a world they have never seen.

So, what is the crusading part? Its a lot about Haiti... more about that later, perhaps. But I was referencing my life here in the USA. I came to a realization... after the whole entire hullabaloo over homosexual rights... they are calling it human rights. I'm not going to say what I actually think about that. We all have opinions, and we all disagree with someone else... and its a very real possibility that we will never agree with each other. Whatever. I'm secure in my thoughts, but this isn't about that. Don't miss my point... I'm already giving this issue more time than it needs. Guess what happened when gay people were made "allowed" to get married? We all forgot about REAL human rights. Like slavery. Like children being taken from their families and forced to do things NOBODY EVER should be made to do. We stopped fighting for the people who have no voice.

The kids have a book about the underground railroad... its a favorite of theirs, and it upsets me to read it, because we are learning about slavery as history, even though it is still happening. And I can barely choke the words out when they ask me (Every time... they know the answer, but they still ask.) if slavery is really gone. And we aren't just talking about sex trafficking. What about child soldiers? What about forced child labor... cheap clothes. I do my best to not contribute to a broken system, but I often times fail because I would rather be ignorant than heartbroken... but lets not forget, ok? In all the distractions of this world... the messy political system... lets not forget that sometimes things that seem like a big deal maybe aren't... or maybe they are, but we need to keep remembering the other things that are too. Remember those that have no voice... And do you know what? If you google "Trafficking in Haiti" the results are overwhelming. Haiti is just one small corner of the world. What about in my back yard... Denver? What about in your places... its everywhere, and we ignore it every day. And my question is, where do we go from here? Will we ever be able to overcome this injustice?

So, that, and body image. Nutrition... my daughters (and sons) are seeing unrealistic photos of people every time we leave the house. I showed them videos of the power of photo shop, and thank the Lord they got it! They see pictures now, and recognize that its not real... they (hopefully) stand a chance of making it through this life with a healthy perspective on what real, healthy people are supposed to look like...