Merry Christmas?

Finally, finally Christmas is over. Peter and I are still trying to create our own traditions, and to break away from the incredibly secular perspective of this sacred holiday. This year we decided that we would open gifts on Christmas Eve morning, so that we can reserve Christmas day for the celebration of Christ's birth, and let me tell you, even doing that I was severely dissapointed with the end result. My kids began to immediately fight over EVERYTHING in sight, and we were dealing with temper tantrums and cranky, exhausted babies. Then, after the dust of all the exitement settled, I stood in my kitchen and looked out at the pile of useless, unnecessary things that our beloved (and well meaning) families had bestowed upon us. I could not release from my mind the picture of starving, nursing mothers in other countries stripping their bodies of health to provide nourishment for their children, and of starving, barefooted toddlers and preschoolers who sleep in filthy conditions at night. I began to cry. I simply have no words for the grief that I feel over the wasted dollars this Christmas. If I had asked for our families to spend half as much as they did on us, and put the rest toward someone elses genuine need, many, many people would not go to bed hungry. Somewhere, a sick baby could have medication that would save his life. Somebody could have shoes on their tired feet. Instead, my priveledged sons and daughters have toys that will break, toys that they will forget about one day. They were granted a fleeting moment of happiness when they could have seen true joy in sharing with those that have less. They could have been taught that Christmas is not about recieving, and really not even about giving. (After all, we do not give to strangers in need, but to family with more than enough.) It was a terrible day for me, and I could only cry out to my Savior to forgive me for my selfishness in allowing this to happen. Even now my heart breaks at the lost opportunity to share the love of Jesus. Oh, Father, help us to make wise choices in every moment of our lives! Help us to consider others better than ourselves, and help us to teach our children to share even when they (and we) think that there is not enough! Be enough for us, and make us content with our simple, daily provisions.

Hurry up and wait!

I've been slowly, slowly, slowly sifting through our things and packing (or giving away) our stuff. Simon's room has become the storage room... We sold our car yesterday. (The very first thing that Peter and I bought together, before we were married! We brought our first 2 children home from the hospital in it.) I cannot believe that we have been together for that long, to have purchased something so large and expensive, and created memories with it, and then to say goodbye to it! Even weirder is the fact that we sold it to a neighbor, and we will see it from time to time driving around! But it feels good to see things begin to move in the direction of Colorado.

Peter gave our 30 days notice to our apartment complex. They told him we aren't allowed to leave until our lease is over, in February. AHHH!!! So, now the wait begins. I've packed the bulk of our non-essentials, and now suddenly to have to live without them for a month and a half has made me feel like I NEED THEM NOW! But, in the boxes they will stay, because there is absolutely no way I want to feel like I've wasted my time by packing them, and getting them back out, and packing them again.

We are potty training, again. Simon is really, really resisting it. (He's young, I know. Boys do it later, but darn it, I don't like how much we spend on diapers, when I have a child who is perfectly capable of going on the potty.) Under normal circumstances I don't bribe my kids, but in order to get him to just sit on it I have to offer him a chocolate chip. (Sugar free carob, actually, but he likes it all the same.) The first day was terrible. Pee everywhere, temper tantrums over not getting a diaper... the second day, I asked Sarah to teach him how to go pee on the potty, and can you believe it, she actually did? Now I have to bribe him to sit, but he knows how to go, and can actually hold it! Yippee!!! (Not sure if I would officially call him potty trained, but we are well on our way!)

So, here we sit, waiting on the Lord to send us on our way.

I am humbled...

So, Thanksgiving has come and gone, and now we are in the Christmas season! It is our tradition to get out all of our snowmen and tree and decorate the Saturday after thanksgiving. This year instead of packing the "rest of the year" belongings as if we would get them back out we packed them to stay in the boxes until they are unpacked in our new house in Colorado. We also set our Nativity scenes out, and while we were doing that I told the Christmas Story... the precious tale of the the Christ Child... God in Flesh! to my two amazing daughters. Their eyes never came off of the Virgin Mary, the Man-Father Joseph, the shepherds, the angel, they were riveted... I've never seen them so still! Then before I was done soaking up the presence of the Holy Spirit moving in our hearts the girls were gone, and I was left wondering if the story actually did touch them, or if I imagined it. Lilah came back and begged me to put the Baby Jesus with Mary and Joseph (He won't be found there until Christmas morning!) and Sarah came and said she wanted to show Mommy and Daddy something. This is what we found.

She made a nativity! We were so very, very proud of her...

We are also in the process of organizing our move. We are currently searching for a place to live, and selling most of our large possessions so that we don't have to hassle with taking them with us. (And so that we can pay our rent!) We've suprisingly sold most of what we were hoping would go... and as I was mulling over my day I suddenly felt sad that my stuff was being separated, and passed out... a lot of it for much, much less than we paid for it. Then I was reminded by the Lord of my true value... value that could only be found in the blood of Christ. I am not worth the things that I own, and I should not find my solace in these things that are unimportant. I am a traveler here... a stranger in a land that I will never be comfortable in. Mattew 8:20 speaks of the cost of following Jesus. In fact, Jesus himself speaks of the cost. When a man said to Jesus "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." He said "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." Will I accept this? Will I choose Christ even if it means discomfort? Will I choose Christ even if it means sacrifice? Yes. And I will find my worth in the eyes of the one who made me! I will not be sad, but grateful for the opportunity to serve, and I am humbled that, though I am unworthy, I have been entrusted with these earthly treasures, for the Lord's purpose.

Please continue to pray for us. For our move and for us to have faith that the Lord will provide for our daily needs.

Once a month...?

I guess I'm making it a habit to post once a month... I barely even check my email. I remember when I had zero kids and I thought I was so busy... now I know better. At least I'm grateful in hindsight, right?

We are busy trying to build relationships with our neighbors, and to get to know the needs of the people and the community around us. It has been a tremendous step out of my comfort zone to do this... in the past, when Peter and I were dating and newlyweds I was so incredibly afraid of people I did not know. I would have panic attacks (I'm not kidding... hysterical sobbing, shaking, cold, clammy sweating. I couldn't breathe.) any time I needed to meet someone new, or be in a place that I was unfamiliar with. I was so shy, I barely managed to go grocery shopping without Peter with me! I am so glad the Lord prepared me over the course of 6 or 7 years for now!

So, before I go on I wanted to share that our apartment is on the bottom floor, right in front of the exit to the garage and the parking lot, so we are in the perfect place to meet people. Right from the start we had nosy people peeking in to our front window as they walked by, (it annoyed me!) but eventually we began to pray for the people that were interested in seeing our lives. Next we timed when we would open our door. People are creatures of habit, and we knew when they would either leave or come home, so we made sure we were available to introduce ourselves and say hi.

This weekend we had an open house party for our apartment building. We were really hoping that we would have a good number of people come... and we did! We had 4 different families come and hang out! (One family with a mom who barely speaks english, but she came!) And, we've had two other people from two separate apartments in our building begin to knock on our door! Where will we go from here? I don't know. I do know that I was incredibly humbled by the stories that we heard on Saturday. I don't even know where to begin to minister to these amazing souls with lives that I could never imagine living... histories, and pain, and sorrow, and growth... And I am so amazed that something as simple as inviting them into our common, un-exciting lives would cause them to open up their pasts to us... they were in our home, almost strangers, sharing intimate things about themselves. I am just moved to tears to think about the time that I have wasted being afraid to invite someone in... how many friends could I have made? How many seeds could have been planted? How much growth could I have experienced? Thank you, Jesus, for teaching me, and allowing me to be your vessel! Thank you for knowing where I am going, and thank you for going before me!

We are experiencing a lot of opposition from the enemy... and unfortunately he is using our brothers and sisters elsewhere to do this. There is a lot of pressure being placed on us to be someplace else, or to devote our time and energy in other places. It is from a simple lack of understanding for what we are trying to accomplish. We are also trying to initiate community outreach in our church, but it has been a long uphill battle against tradition and politics... please pray that the Lord's will would prevail and that there would be a revival in our church, and other churches to serve in ways that are unconventional, but much more effective than the ways we usually do things!

Its August Already?!?

Time really seems to fly by these days... it feels like an endless circle of cooking, cleaning, nap, more cooking and cleaning and FINALLY bed time... I am just so exhausted most of the time. I don't even know what I'll do when Baby Stephen gets here and he's asking me to provide for his needs too! On top of all the kid stuff I'm busy doing, I am continuing to lead music at our church... I was so sad to not be doing it, and Peter was really not looking forward to adding more responsibility to his plate. As far as stress goes, it would be far better for the both of us to be serving our church in ministry, not trying to make more money! (Sure, we need it, but after so, so much prayer and careful thought we decided that there are so many things we can give up to help us make it by a little better.)

I have been especially convicted/bothered by the excessiveness of this culture that we live in. I feel so incredibly selfish at times... just yesterday, as we were driving to church I saw two men standing around a white truck, and a lady picking near rotted bananas and other fruits and veggies out of the back of it. I was moved to tears, because I am so blessed that my children and my husband and I don't need to that... and I thought "Would I even be willing to do that?" How many times am I at the store, saying to myself "We need this." When we don't? How many days do I think "I need to buy dinner, because there is nothing to eat in this house." When the fact of the matter is that I am lazy, I am selfish... Lord, turn my eyes and my heart outward, away from myself! How much money and time do we waste by spending, spending, spending for more of what we think we need, but only want? If we all gave up one thing that we wanted, and used that energy or time or money to help someone with less, how much more would Jesus be reflected in our lives? I am even appalled at the amount of time we are giving to church! If we devoted less time to bible studies and "fellowship" and church socials, and more time to ministering to people who might never experience what true love is how much better would the quality of life be for those hungry souls? If I looked around at my neighbor's lives, and truly made an effort to see past the happy masks that they are wearing, could I give them something that they needed? I think yes... and even though I have no extra money to give, I have something... even Peter in Acts chapter 3 verse 6 told a beggar man "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you." And what was it that he gave, that the man needed? In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!" And then Peter touched the man, and the power of our Lord made the man strong! Can you imagine... the man asked for something he thought was important... money... and Peter gave him the greatest gift imaginable... the love of Christ, and the ability to walk! I really want to see past myself. Silver or gold I cannot give, but what I have I have in abundance, and there is too much for me to keep to myself!

Its been awhile...

My computer broke, and I've been busy. I don't even know where we left off here... I think it was even way before Simon boy turned 1... before he started walking... and before we knew that we are going to have another boy! We were planning to move into San Francisco. (My heart still cries out for that beautiful, lost city) but came to Marin City instead. The Lord knows what he's doing... I am only just now after months of struggling to trust Him growing to love this place. We will be here for quite a long time, I think. Our church needs us right now, and the souls here need us to be the Love of Christ. Also, I think I started leading the music at our church, and now have begun the process of stepping down from that position.

There is just so, so much that needs to get done at our church. We were meeting with the elders to discuss the posibility of me taking on a permanent role, rather than a temporary "interim" position, but they can't pay me! And Peter is trying to find another job. Once we have 4 kids and Peter will be gone several evenings a week I don't think I can be gone too. So, I'm trying to figure out how to continue the things that nobody else is willing to do, while not being there to play piano or supervise practices. We are also trying to initiate a clean up day in our church (some people have begun storing things from their house at the church! Not to mention the incredible amount of broken tables, chairs, and other random things) and to re-do the nursery. The nursery is filled with old things that are broken and unsafe (Some are not appropriate for any child under age 3). Not to mention large shelves and drawers that are not mounted to the wall. There are no pictures in the nursery, or any bright, colorful books to read. On top of all this, our newborns, toddlers, and early preschoolers are all kept in the same room. Is it any wonder why our kids are the only ones the church has? So, we are also trying to coordinate with the rest of the church leadership how to begin an age 3-? children's hour during the church service. It is an uphill battle, and we are left wondering why on earth do we need to fight to get this done? We have been polite and soft spoken, but at this point I think that even the stones in the parking lot are going to begin hollering, so Peter and I are praying for the courage to stand up for what we know needs to get done. If they want growth (spiritual or in people numbers) we are equipped from the whole rest of our life experience to help them.

On a much lighter note, here are our big kids...



This is a typical dinner at our house. The girls are kitty cats... and kitty cats don't use spoons. Can you believe that crazy spoon Peter is using to feed Simon? Yes, its a serving spoon. He's such a Weirdo.

It makes no sense...

Farmers in Florida are chopping down their strawberry crops... it is so incredibly unbelievable to me, how thoughtless these actions are. To some of us, they are just strawberries. To the farmers, the only thing they are thinking is that they are losing money on them... apparently from the freezing temperatures this winter they had to take drastic measures to save the crops, and as a result of the cost to save them, and the fact that the strawberries are just now becoming ripe, there are too many to make a profit on them, so rather than sell them (they would lose money to ship them anywhere) they are cutting up their crops. Thousands upon thousands of strawberries wasted... there are food banks and homeless shelters all over the place, and instead of donating them, or selling them for really cheap, they are throwing them away. I understand that strawberries can't be sent overseas to places that are starving, and that these farmers need to make a living too, but the money is already gone. It won't hurt anyone to share the extra. There is one farmer who has "changed his mind" and is letting anyone who wants them come and take away as much as they want for free. At least someone has come to their senses.

I just think that this is a sign of the selfishness and greed of our culture. Here in America we don't have to think twice about throwing away food (and sometimes other stuff too.) Most of us get what we want, when we want it... food, clothing, material possessions. I knew a girl in college who had so many clothes she forgot which ones she already bought, and had multiples of shirts and pants... sometimes three or four multiples! And how many of us cook too much food for dinner, and then throw away the rest, because "We just don't like leftovers..." (I know that sometimes I do that because, really, mashed potatoes are not that good microwaved...) I am feeling especially convicted of senseless waste... I think that its time I counted the things that I have, rather than the things I have not, and become a better example to my children of how blessed we truly are.

My heart is breaking...

I just cannot believe the earthquake that hit Chile this morning/last night... I heard from our pastor this morning at music practice, and kept thinking "Nothing I do can be enough for the suffering, and the pain of those in other parts of the world." First the tragedy of Haiti, and when it finally seems as though the help that we (the USA and other countries) are sending is beginning to get through another tragedy happens.

I was reminded of the bible verse that talks about how we will hear of wars and rumors of wars, and that there will be earthquakes and we will know that the end is nearing, and was filled with a new sense of urgency. Peter and I are called to San Francisco to minister to the lost in that beautiful city, but I am so heartbroken over the fact that I am just one. My hands are small and I am a fragile human. I can only be in one place, and it seems that no amount of money or time could ever fix the REAL tragedy. Lives lost that will never know Jesus. Lives that will never know the peace of the Christ Child, or the mercy and forgiveness of the Sovereign Father. I am grieving the loss of these people that will never be grafted into my family tree. I know that the greatest thing anybody could do is pray. Our Lord is mighty to save, and He is capable of moving mountains... He is far greater than this small soul could ever imagine or understand. So I will pray, and I am asking you to pray also. Let us raise our voices to the heavens.

We've all been sick... the kiddos have a cold, plus Simon is teething. I think he's getting 6 teeth all at once! We've also discovered that he throws up when he gets teeth. He did it last time, and he did it this time too. Just once, and right before bed. I don't know if its from being really fussy, or stressed out, or from the pain. Whatever it is I feel bad for him. He's the king, as you can see from the pictures. The first one is him watching Baby Einstein, (he has discovered the t.v.) and the other two are from the other day. I made him a pillow "throne" and he just sat there. It was the only thing that kept him from screaming his head off. (Other than being cradled by me. But I had to wash the dishes. Three sick kids and my house falls apart.) When he saw the camera he tried to smile. Silly Boy. February is almost over. I don't know what it was about this month, but it was not a good month for us. I'm ready to move on to March.

I have failed...

I quit. I just can't believe how impossible it seems to take a few pictures every day... I feel like I'm constantly doing the same things over and over and over again... I figured out why... I have mess making elves living with me...

I DON'T LIKE SAUCE!!!!

I totally took pictures of the other two, but this one needs to stand alone. Hilarious. Here is what our night was like last night.

First, Sarah refused to eat anyways... finally she ate something, and when I got up from the table to check the cupcakes that I was baking the exorcist happened. Amongst all of my children, and my husband also. I've become a pro at ignoring, so whatever... I was all zen ninja in the kitchen, and then I hear "Sarah Elizabeth! You sit down right now!" And an odd splashing sound. She had poured my entire cup of water into the entire pot of spaghetti sauce. After administering justice... I mean, discipline....she was brought back to the table, and instructed to finish eating her food, because she screamed for more, and now has to eat it. (We don't normally force our kids to finish their food, except when they insist on taking a LARGE amount and then not even taking one bite.) And also her sauce, because, lets face it, thats the healthy part of the noodles... She took a bite of her noodles, chewed them up, and SPIT them directly into the already ruined pot of sauce, that I was going to freeze and thicken later. (I hate wasting. I know its cliche, but there are people in other parts of the world who are starving. I will not ever take for granted the fact that I have food in my stomache anytime I want it. We eat everything, even if we think its gross or simply don't feel like having leftovers...) So, justice (I mean, discipline) Was once again administered, and she was once again instructed to finish her food. She chose to leave it there and go play, until it really sank in that she was either going to eat that when all the rest of us tasted the cupcakes with chocolate frosting, or have it for breakfast the next day. (By the way. I still saved that sauce. I'm not kidding. I hate wasting. All the germs will cook out of it when I boil it for 5 minutes... just, if you come to my house for spaghetti in the next couple of weeks, know that its probably the spit spaghetti, and you might want to eat before hand.)

I will never catch up again...

I guess I made up for the day I forgot to take Simon's Picture, because yesterday I totally forgot to take one of the princesses... We started Spanish class at our church, and left them here with a friend... I was so consumed with making sure everything was done before we left that it just slipped my mind. I have a list a mile long of tasks that need to be completed, and feel like even something as small as making a doctor's appointment is too much for me to handle. I usually NEVER finish my list... and then I get depressed. I really need to remember that I do other things that aren't on my list. The list is "extra" stuff that doesn't normally need to get done. Thats why I write it down, so I won't forget to do it. On most days I just want to say "Lets order a pizza." Or something else that I won't have to cook, but never do, because I know that its a waste of money, and that there is absolutely no nutrition in anything I could buy from the store. Today I threw some spaghetti sauce in the crock pot and will turn it on in a couple of hours. We eat spaghetti a lot. Later I need to test a cake recipe, and also need to start working on the cake that my neighbor has ordered. I'll be so sad to see it leave my hands... its going to be a caramel apple praline crunch cake. Maybe I'll make two. Cake makes everything seem less stressful.

Falling Behind... days 7 and 8...

Here is Sarah and Lilah on Saturday evening... the story behind this cute little gingerbread bunny house is this: On Saturday morning I have music practice at my church... This is not the best day for me, as Saturday is the one day of the week when we aren't rushing around trying to get out of the house, and also because I can go out to do errands alone or with one of my babies alone... so that we can spend mommy time together. Its a long story of how it got changed, but I agreed to it, because it was better for everone else, and I thought that it was selfish and unfair of me to insist upon my way or no way... so I requested a compromise. 9 AM instead of 1030 AM, that way I can get done with practice by 1030, and get out to my shopping and home by 1-ish... well, they agreed after complaining about it being saturday and they want to sleep in... blah blah... fast forward to this week. Now "they" (no names...) don't bother to show up until 945!!! (Its just too hard to wake up early on Saturday, plus we have to leave our house way earlier than anyone else... even if its just by 5 minutes, it makes a difference) and we practice until almost 1130, and guess what? Its too late for me and Sarah (She came with me, and left us alone, as agreed, so that we could get done faster with no interrupting) to go to the dollar store together. I HAD to go to Michael's craft store, because I needed some cake decorating supplies to make cupcakes for the next day, and while we were there I compensated for my guilt for not going to the dollar store even though I was exhausted, and other people's selfishness and bought this cool gingerbread decorating kit... it was so much fun for the girls to do, and we took it to church potluck on sunday to show it off. I warned people not to eat it though, since they licked the knives and their hands every single time it touched the yummy frosting. Just a question... will I be unreasonable to inform the group that I MUST leave at 1030 on saturdays, whether or not we're done? I have things I need to do that can't run into the afternoon. Saturday is my resting day, and I feel as though I've made adjustments for them that are hard for me. Should I expect them to do the same?








I missed taking Simon's picture on saturday. It was a crazy day, but here he is yesterday. And the Girlies too. I always notice that its Sarah and Lilah together, and Simon all alone. Poor Boy. He needs a playmate...

Day 5 pictures on day 6...

Sarah made a carrot with her bath crayons. Just as a side note... I hate those things. They're sticky and make my bath tub impossible to clean... if there's any soapy residue left from past bath times, they change it colors. Will I stop buying them? No....

I have no idea who took that picture of Simon Boy, and we got lucky and caught Lilah hamming it up again... I think she's getting used to the camera. Cute, Cute, Cute.

Day 4... I'm sure of it.

How do I pick just one picture to share? My kids are the cutest ever, and I just know that the whole world wants to see them, and hear about every tiny thing they do or say that is amazing.... which is pretty much every thing. (Sarcasm... about everyone wanting to know, but my kids really are the smartest. Except for Simon, crawling off of things... and Lilah eating her own poop.... so maybe they aren't that smart...) There were three really cute ones of the Baby Boy, but this one is maybe my favorite. Can you see his teeth on the bottom? Then Smarty Pants and Little Mommy... doing their favorite things. Coloring and playing babies...

What day is it?

So here are my pictures for day 3...? Ha ha... time blurs together here in my house. I often find myself showering in the morning, thinking that I'm getting ready to go to bed. I thought I'd do the smart, time saving thing and get a picture of all three kiddos at one time, except Simon's new favorite thing to do is crawl off of things... no matter how far of a drop it is. We were at the Discovery Museum a couple of weeks ago, and he crawled off of the little froggy/lily pad/water bed thing... laughing the whole time, until he bonked his head. You can see from Sarah and Lilah's faces that they thought this was hilarious. Then in the next picture you can see little Lilah with worry on her face... (Of course Simon cried after his stunt...) I really need to keep up with these photos, so that I don't get confused and start posting the wrong pictures on the wrong day... but nobdy will know, right?

Day 2!

So here are my day 2 pictures. I'm already tired of doing this. Will I make it for the rest of the month? I was totally stoked to capture Lilah's personality in a picture... these goofy moments happen several times a day in our house, but when the camera comes out she clams up and acts shy. Sweet Delilah. Simon and Sarah both love the camera, so its easy to find them at their best.

28 days in photos!

I've had this blog for awhile now. I am such a.... quiet and incredibly shy... person in real life, and an incredibly open and painfully honest person in writing that it freaks me out that somebody I am acquainted with would read something that I have written, and then know that I am not sweet or kind or thoughtful... that they would recognize my flaws, because when I write I pour out my heart, and realize later that perhaps I shouldn't have been so forthcoming. But it is what it is, and I think that this is a good way to introduce you to the cyber April... for the 28 days of February I will snap a photo of my children each day. Mommyhood at its most endearing and best. (When everyone is smiling and happy? Maybe I'll capture some of our worst moments too...) Here is day 1, inside the room-size blankie fort we made. Even Simon thought it was a blast.

`