Ok. You guys are really lucky. I'm working on another post, and its not even December. Actually, I have a lot of thoughts here. Hopefully it will all make sense, because they are all rather unrelated to eachother. So, here goes.
Most of you know I'm a little bit of a weirdo when it comes to food. Call me a hippie. I blame it on my own personal health issues, and those of my sweet, hyperactive Sarah. If I am not extra careful, it makes me physically ill. So, I eat mostly vegetarian, preferably vegan... although I won't refuse a nice hunk of flesh every now and then. And seriously, who doesn't like cheese? So, maybe I don't do so well with the vegan thing. But I try really hard, because thats when I feel my best. And Sarah... When we finally took her to the doctor to get an official ADHD diagnoses we also considered getting her tested for tourettes. She had some pretty strange ticks. Eyes blinking, noise making, arms and legs twitching. If I'm not careful she gets ticks again, and they last awhile. So, we try to keep her as dairy free as possible, though I can admit that I also fail at keeping her away from that stuff. But additives, preservatives, artificial everything has been eliminated from our every day. Even when I bake I avoid all that crap. Exept for I also have a penchant for documentaries, and I'm working on one about GMO's... (Just so you know, a GMO is a Genetically Modified Organism... a living thing that has been altered from the very building block of its life to do something it could never do on its own. Goats that lactate spider silk protein... corn to produce a type of pesticide when eaten by a bug...)
Yeah. I'm going there. But only for a minute, and not to lecture you. Because I will be the first to admit that we've got a bunch of genetically altered food in our fridge. Remember the vegetarian thing? Yeah. A lot of fruits and veggies have been altered in a lab. The only way one can be guaranteed to have a completely GMO free product is to buy organic. I have heard many people tell me that its not more expensive to buy organic... but I know first hand that it is. So, when I buy organic food it has to be cheaper, if not the same as the "regular" stuff I get. Which rarely happens. And I've made peace with myself for that. Plus I have some opinions about organically grown stuff too... this isn't really a food blog. I just want ya'll to know what I've been up to, and in this case, GMO, organic, non-organic, non-GMO... I'm still learning. The point I'm trying to make is that these laboratories that are creating these seeds are becoming a threat to me. They scare me. Why? Because in the process of attempting to make a "more sustainable future" (I don't know... the verdict is still out on that one...) they are taking away my choice. If its not an organic food, then I can't be guaranteed that the product I'm buying is not altered. And you know what else? Every State is the U.S. that has tried to create policies requiring companies to label a GMO has been threatened with a law suit. Thats right. And it scares me, because it seems to me that its less about making a better future, and more about making money... gambling with my health, and not allowing me to make the best, most informed decision possible. I view these companies as oppressors, making my life more difficult. And, I am currently reading through Isaiah. Its a heavy book. Yeah. I've been busy. I've been working on this book for about 2 months, and have only reached Chapter 9... But this chapter is one of my favorites! Isaiah, written in the 700's B.C. has predicted the birth of Christ! Which some scholars THINK happened around 6-4 B.C. You do the math. It was predicted a really long time before it even happened.
Ok. My brain is kind of twisty. All of this stuff is connected in my head. I had a great convo with Peter about it on Saturday. It made sense to me, out loud. On paper? You'll have to let me know. So, Isaiah is talking to Jerusalem, because they have been involved in some pretty disobedient things. They are corrupt, and are coming upon judgement from God. Isaiah is just the messenger telling them what God says.But here's some good news, even just in Chapter 1. God says "I will turn my hand against you; I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove all your impurities. I will restore your judges as in the days of old, your counselors as at the beginning. AFTERWARD you will be called the City of Righteousness, the Faithful City. (1:25-26) Even after the destruction God will make them better. Jerusalem was also accused of these things, according to Chapter 5: Taking advantage of others, drunkenness, disregarding the consequences of sin, confusing moral standards, Pride, and Injustice. Sound like anyone you know? Hello America. And even though I know this is everywhere... in government, and in things even as small as our everyday lives... how small businesses are run and how people make their own personal choices, I can't help but draw a direct connection to the food I am eating with these sinful actions. We, as Americans, are making it okay for these companies to pretend to be God, and destroy the very things we were commissioned with protecting at the beginning of time. When I go to the store, I choose to be alright with GMO's, because I feel helpless to stop it. Sitting on my couch, watching a movie highlighting the "evils" of this practice, and near tears because "I can't do anything about it."
But in the middle of all of my feelings I read this, Isaiah 9:4... For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have SHATTERED the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Verse 6, just in time for Christmas: To us a child is born... he will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be NO END! Read chapter 9. I paraphrased and picked... read it all. Whatever has got you thinking, struggling, crying... feeling helpless and hopeless, the answer is Jesus. Maybe right now we are in the middle of our own sin, our flesh warring against our spirit... and worried about the choices more powerful people are making... but just like so, so long ago... they were waiting for Jesus, now we are too! And there is hope.
Which brings me to my next thought. Haiti. Sometimes its funny how God works. This documentary I am watching (Going on 4 days now. It takes me awhile to finish a movie. Blame it on a short attention span. I can do 20 minute increments.) lists a lot of the countries that have refused GMO seeds and food products. Remember when Haiti went through all those devastating natural disasters? A GMO seed lab sent a bunch of seeds to them, so that they could rebuild. You know what the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere did? They burned the seeds. Those that did plant them ended up ripping them out of the ground, because they looked sickly and "unnatural." And do you know what else? You can't use seeds from a GMO plant the following year. You have to buy them all over again. Helpful. That was a little random. I'm still stuck on lab created food. Moving on, April... you made your point with that. I think I just wanted you to know how it was connected in my head. The funny thing about how God works is that not too long ago, guess what I decided? Its going to be legendary... Seriously. I'M GOING TO HAITI!!! In March, for a week! Hey, people. I'm terrified. I mean, scared you-know-what-less. But my church is organizing a trip, and even though my prayer was "You probably won't let me, God... but I am willing to go." He is letting me. Even though I made excuses, like, "I can help sponsor someone else to go, because I have my things here to take care of..." He is sending me. I am selfish and broken in so many ways, but he seems to think he can use me. Along with 9 other broken, imperfect people. Except here's the thing. I need some money. Oh... yeah. I'm also pretty shameless when it comes to this sort of thing. He is letting me be a part of SOMETHING. I don't know what. Maybe I won't change somebody else's life in a week. I can't help but think that its impossible for me to have an impact in such a short amount of time... maybe its for me... maybe God is going to change me. And you know what? He is letting you too! If you can send me money... please, please do. I am going to set up an online account recommended by my church for fundraising. You'll see links for that on fb. We are doing EVERYTHING possible to cut out all of our extras, and we have a significant amount already saved in a short amount of time. If you have zero dollars in your bank account at the end of the month... then you can pray, pray, pray. This is proving to be harder for me than I thought. My issues (we all have some weird quirks...) are definitely trying to take over. Control, fear, control, control, control... its all there. Pray for me, and lucky you guys are going to get ANOTHER awesome update from me with everything about Haiti I can find.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Hungry
In July I figured it was time to post again. That way I could feel accomplished by updating twice in a year, instead of only once. I sure do wish I could be one of those moms who updates several times a week with witty and encouraging remarks to the rest of humankind. Then someone would discover me and ask me to speak at some international women's conference, and I would be hailed as superwoman... capable of juggling many tasks, and still continue to feed my theological wisdom. Ha. I'm kidding. Sort of. Its funny how we are always grasping for more, and most of the time its for people to notice. There just isn't anything gratifying in doing things if nobody is going to see. And yet that's how it is. Mama's get up all night long, still waking as soon as the sun does, running to accomplish laundry, scrubbing toilets, preparing breakfast, and multiple other jobs that are just going to be undone by sundown. But you know what? Jesus sees, not just the mommy things, but the other things that make other people's lives better. My new quest is to set down my pride and to stop announcing to the world all these "things" that I need recognition for. I am trying to be a new, humble person. That's just a side note. I am so easily distracted lately. Another side note, now that I am not announcing things? I signed up for a mud obstacle run. Just a lil' ol' 5k. But it will be super fun! Sometimes the mommy things need to be set aside so that I can just be... not a mommy for an hour or two.
So, here's the whole reason of me updating. Something I've been thinking on for awhile now. Hunger. Did you know that there is a new term for the people who run out of food every month? Its called "Food Insecure." I think its ridiculous. Doesn't everyone run out of food? We do... but then again, maybe we don't actually run out. Now that I'm thinking about it, we just run out of food we actually want to eat. Its not ridiculous to run out of food all the way... that used to happen to us, but then Jesus would ask someone else to leave a box of groceries on our front step. We never knew which people were doing that. How did they know? Sometimes it was money in our mailbox... I'm digressing again. I'll get back to that.
A magazine I was reading featured an article on Hunger in America. (Maybe I should have specified this. I'm not talking about poverty in Africa...) So, one of these families they discussed included a little boy who refused his free breakfast at school, only to go home "starving" and begging his mom for corn dogs and tater tots. Um... is this hunger? If he was hungry wouldn't he eat the food in front of him? The article goes on to talk about how people with no cars continue to be hungry because they live a half mile away from the grocery store. Can't anyone walk? Bus? Catch a ride with a neighbor? Then what about the overweight issue? These families are unhealthy and obese, because they can't buy food? Families of 4 getting over 600.00 dollars in food stamps, and they are still "running out of food." This makes me angry on so many levels... but mostly angry because how many of you know your neighbors? How many of you know which of your co-workers, and even acquaintances are struggling with debt and cannot make ends meet? How often do we go about our day ignoring the people in the grocery store counting pennies to buy milk and diapers. What about those stressed out Mommies in line at the store? Could they be worried about how long this Twenty Dollars of food is going to last? Could a well timed smile, or a sweet word be all they need? How often do these "hungry" people hear words that will wash like cool water over their souls?
I think that the root of being "Food Insecure" goes much deeper than groceries, or money, or weight. It is more than just someone being too lazy (or tired... believe me, I know what its like to rather buy fast food than even bother to make peanut butter and jelly.) The root is that this world is hungry for something much deeper and more satisfying than a corn dog. These people need Jesus.
In our hungry days we didn't often worry about where our next meal would come from, because we knew that the One who numbered our days was carrying us. Each day came and went, and we were never lacking in the very things we needed to survive. If I know that truth, and Sovereign provided for even me, why would I keep that secret from someone else who needs to hear it? The world is walking in darkness, and the evidence is clear... people are filling the voids in their lives with cars, boats, huge houses, food in excess of what they need... and the bottom line is that the only thing anyone needs is Jesus.
Here is what I propose. What if we listened more carefully to what He is saying to us? How many times have I seen a mommy in need of hearing me say "You are doing a good job." How many times have I ignored Christ telling me to buy somebody's groceries? Why am I not asking the people I meet what their story is? What do they "need?" Because if I care enough to listen to what they think they need, then they will be more ready to hear what I know they need! You know those people with no cars? Why don't I offer to drive them to store, and go shop with them. And maybe then I can teach them to stretch their dollars, and probably even forge a bond... a friendship, with somebody else in this world, just trying to make it through their day... a lot like I am doing. When we tie ourselves to another human being, doing the same things they are trying to do, it makes all the work and pain in this world a little less painful.
Psalm 107: 8-9: Let them give thanks to the Lord for his UNFAILING love and his WONDERFUL deeds for men, for he SATISFIES the thirsty and fills the hungry with GOOD THINGS!
Psalm 146 (Read it! Its amazazazing!)
Matthew 5:6: Blessed are those who HUNGER and THIRST for RIGHTEOUSNESS for they will be filled! (This applies to us, Christians. What will we do about it?)
Matthew 15:32... I was just teaching the girls about this. Jesus didn't want to send the people away hungry! He filled their physical hunger, as well as their spiritual hunger.
Matthew 25:35... again, physical needs are important! And in some cases, they matter for eternity.
Philippians 4:12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
What is the secret? Can we all say we have learned? Lets make this a quest, to discover that we can, in fact, "Do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13)
Amongst many, many verses regarding hunger... both physical and spiritual, do you know how the story ends? Or at least, the one involving our journey here through the darkness?
Revelation 7:16-17: Never again will they hunger, never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the CENTER of the throne will be their shepherd, for he will lead them to springs of LIVING WATER. And God will wipe away every tear from their eye.
So, here's the whole reason of me updating. Something I've been thinking on for awhile now. Hunger. Did you know that there is a new term for the people who run out of food every month? Its called "Food Insecure." I think its ridiculous. Doesn't everyone run out of food? We do... but then again, maybe we don't actually run out. Now that I'm thinking about it, we just run out of food we actually want to eat. Its not ridiculous to run out of food all the way... that used to happen to us, but then Jesus would ask someone else to leave a box of groceries on our front step. We never knew which people were doing that. How did they know? Sometimes it was money in our mailbox... I'm digressing again. I'll get back to that.
A magazine I was reading featured an article on Hunger in America. (Maybe I should have specified this. I'm not talking about poverty in Africa...) So, one of these families they discussed included a little boy who refused his free breakfast at school, only to go home "starving" and begging his mom for corn dogs and tater tots. Um... is this hunger? If he was hungry wouldn't he eat the food in front of him? The article goes on to talk about how people with no cars continue to be hungry because they live a half mile away from the grocery store. Can't anyone walk? Bus? Catch a ride with a neighbor? Then what about the overweight issue? These families are unhealthy and obese, because they can't buy food? Families of 4 getting over 600.00 dollars in food stamps, and they are still "running out of food." This makes me angry on so many levels... but mostly angry because how many of you know your neighbors? How many of you know which of your co-workers, and even acquaintances are struggling with debt and cannot make ends meet? How often do we go about our day ignoring the people in the grocery store counting pennies to buy milk and diapers. What about those stressed out Mommies in line at the store? Could they be worried about how long this Twenty Dollars of food is going to last? Could a well timed smile, or a sweet word be all they need? How often do these "hungry" people hear words that will wash like cool water over their souls?
I think that the root of being "Food Insecure" goes much deeper than groceries, or money, or weight. It is more than just someone being too lazy (or tired... believe me, I know what its like to rather buy fast food than even bother to make peanut butter and jelly.) The root is that this world is hungry for something much deeper and more satisfying than a corn dog. These people need Jesus.
In our hungry days we didn't often worry about where our next meal would come from, because we knew that the One who numbered our days was carrying us. Each day came and went, and we were never lacking in the very things we needed to survive. If I know that truth, and Sovereign provided for even me, why would I keep that secret from someone else who needs to hear it? The world is walking in darkness, and the evidence is clear... people are filling the voids in their lives with cars, boats, huge houses, food in excess of what they need... and the bottom line is that the only thing anyone needs is Jesus.
Here is what I propose. What if we listened more carefully to what He is saying to us? How many times have I seen a mommy in need of hearing me say "You are doing a good job." How many times have I ignored Christ telling me to buy somebody's groceries? Why am I not asking the people I meet what their story is? What do they "need?" Because if I care enough to listen to what they think they need, then they will be more ready to hear what I know they need! You know those people with no cars? Why don't I offer to drive them to store, and go shop with them. And maybe then I can teach them to stretch their dollars, and probably even forge a bond... a friendship, with somebody else in this world, just trying to make it through their day... a lot like I am doing. When we tie ourselves to another human being, doing the same things they are trying to do, it makes all the work and pain in this world a little less painful.
Psalm 107: 8-9: Let them give thanks to the Lord for his UNFAILING love and his WONDERFUL deeds for men, for he SATISFIES the thirsty and fills the hungry with GOOD THINGS!
Psalm 146 (Read it! Its amazazazing!)
Matthew 5:6: Blessed are those who HUNGER and THIRST for RIGHTEOUSNESS for they will be filled! (This applies to us, Christians. What will we do about it?)
Matthew 15:32... I was just teaching the girls about this. Jesus didn't want to send the people away hungry! He filled their physical hunger, as well as their spiritual hunger.
Matthew 25:35... again, physical needs are important! And in some cases, they matter for eternity.
Philippians 4:12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
What is the secret? Can we all say we have learned? Lets make this a quest, to discover that we can, in fact, "Do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13)
Amongst many, many verses regarding hunger... both physical and spiritual, do you know how the story ends? Or at least, the one involving our journey here through the darkness?
Revelation 7:16-17: Never again will they hunger, never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the CENTER of the throne will be their shepherd, for he will lead them to springs of LIVING WATER. And God will wipe away every tear from their eye.
Friday, January 10, 2014
My last post was in December of last year! And I can remember Peter and I talking about the new year, and how it was going to be "a good year." We were so expectant of some really wonderful and amazing things to happen... And we were right! Except that our idea of "wonderful and amazing" is a completely different thing compared to the wisdom of our God.
In 2010 we began making preparations to move to Colorado, and in my opinion is the beginning of our incredible journey... just one of the larger scale landscapes of the big picture that makes up my life. In February of 2011, we left everything familiar and came to Colorado. I can remember feeling as though we were really, really pushing ourselves to get here. And when we got to Colorado Springs, our first stop in Colorado, we let out our breath... and took a couple of days in the hotel there to regroup and recover. We had a 4 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and itty bitty Stephen was 4 months old! We had no place to live, and no source of income. All we knew is that Sovereign asked us to go, and we would do anything to obey. We jumped in with both feet, terrified but knowing from the last landscape that He always provides, and often in ways that are miraculous and knowledge-defying. He did. We were given the phone number of a family who would let us stay in their home, with them. (In Greeley. Pay attention to this detail. I know who goes before me!) Our first experience with communal living, though I was just too overwhelmed by their hospitality and kindness to pay much attention to it. And the day we got to The Springs, Peter got a phone call to interview for a job. It was one he would later take, and it would bring us to Aurora. After a month...? (Details escaped me for most of the 3 years we were traveling through this place. I wrote down what I could, but it was difficult to keep total track.) we left Greeley to move to.... a hotel! We lived there while trying to buy a small townhouse. It fell through. I'll spare all the boring details, but it was quite exhausting. And life shaping. We ended up finally getting an apartment down the road, and Peter started working another job at Chic fil a, on top of his school job. There were days when it seemed life he left at 6:30 in the morning, and didn't come home until 11:00 pm. I don't know if that was true, but its the way I remember it. (C'mon April. Stop being dramatic.) Some other things happened... blah, blah. The whole time in our apartment in Aurora I struggled to feel as though there was a purpose to my being there. We tried to reach our neighbors, but our hearts weren't in it. We came expecting to do these grand things for the glory of God, and were frustrated that we weren't allowed to do them. But someone Peter and I have a lot of respect for told us at some point that its ok to wait for God, as long as He's the one making you wait. It made it a little more bearable, but maybe we started using that as an excuse. I don't know. We were so used to doing things for God that were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting that we had to learn to serve him in our every day. We did. We were finally still, and moldable, and then he began to stir in us that fire that we brought with us from California. Our goal was still the same, but our dreams had shifted to become more like God's vision. And things just HAPPEN when we are on the same page as the Author.
So, 2013, and we try to buy a house in Aurora/Denver. It didn't work. We thought "Here we go again. Its always gotta be so hard!" But then Peter said "What about Greeley." He was kidding. Greeley smells like poo, sometimes, and its small. There's nothing to do except shop at the second hand stores. We laughed. Haha, funny thought. But then a week later... you know how it goes. That quiet way the Lord speaks. We obeyed as soon as we knew it was from Him. And we were under contract for a house. The Perfect House. I'll probably always call it that. It really wasn't perfect. Looking back it was so... not. But I still believe that even though this Perfect House took us down a really unpredictable path, it was divinely appointed. Such a silly way to view something so material, but like I said before, the Wisdom of God is a really amazing thing.
We were really right on top of our closing date. In an attempt to stream line our move and save money we gave our notice to our apartment complex before we actually had keys in hand. The whole process had gone smooth-ish. We expected hiccups in the closing. Things just happen. Except the seller eventually decided he didn't want to sell his house anymore. It was a short sale, and he was upset that he was losing all the money from the deal. The bank was taking it all. He would rather have had a foreclosure. Misery loves company, right? So we found ourselves threatened with homelessness. It was terrifying, but not something foreign to us. We drove toward it 3 years ago! If it wasn't for the hospitality of a friend I don't know what we would have done. We found ourselves wonderfully and unexpectedly ushered into this woman's home, and sharing meals and life with her and her precious family. We were blessed beyond measure to be in this scary situation of not knowing any of our future. And blessed and honored to share so closely the life of someone else. It is a beautiful experience. I think everyone should do it at least once.
But all good things must come to an end, and not every one thinks people should share. I suppose if I pause and think about from the perspective of a landlord it makes more sense that you wouldn't want unknown people in your house. But long story short, the landperson found out we were "living" in the house and threatened to take measures if we didn't leave. I think he was trying to be understanding about our situation, but the bottom line was "get out of my house." (At least, that's how I felt.) We sent a desperate email to our church family, all the while me imagining us standing in line for hours outside of some church or homeless shelter waiting for a few pews or dirty cots to sleep on... next to stinky, bearded homeless men. (Geez, I am so dramatic. And maybe a little shallow.) In the end, Sovereign had a plan, and we were blessed (again!) to live with an incredible Godly man who really offered all of himself and all of his home, and resources to us. We were there for almost 2 months. I was so sad to leave, and also so relieved. I spent every night laying down these old gym mats and covering them with sheets and blankets so we could sleep on the basement floor, and every morning folding them up and clearing the floor for our day. We could be upstairs, but the kids (and I... maybe me more than them) broke stuff. He usually just laughed and said "Well, I never used that anyway. Now I don't have to feel like I need to keep it." All the while we were living in Larry's basement there were several other people who came and slept in his other empty rooms, and blessed us with their lives, and experience, and friendship. I really couldn't say enough that it was a beautiful, wonderful experience. I never felt lonely, and sometimes it was hard... but in the end I really, really miss it. Seriously. I keep trying to find the words to describe it, and have none, but I hope that one day we can do it again.
And all the while, we were struggling, and learning, and being faithful to follow the Lord's guidance. Eventually, the Perfect House was no longer an option, but its purpose was apparent. And Peter, at some point in the process had taken a job in Greeley. Its meant to be temporary, because the hours are terrible. (6 pm to 4 am?) When the house was totally finished we got an apartment. We moved. We intended to stay there until our lease ran its course. But... then that Voice. We went out looking for more houses, expecting it to be some other fiasco... except after a long, exhausting day of looking at one house or another that wasn't quite right we found it. The RIGHT House. It is so much better than the Perfect House. The floor plan is better, the yard is better, and the neighbors are so... ripe? Ha. Are they bananas... and apples, and oranges? Perhaps wheat. What I can tell you is that the harvest is plentiful... and while there are few workers, we know that there are people here in Greeley that we've been humbled to "bump" into, who have knowledge and resources they want to share.... But I digress.
What I was saying is that the Right House came along, and surprisingly we found ourselves just about a month later signing papers. The keys were in our hand, and we looked at each other like deer caught in those deadly headlights... we were done. And then the reality of what we've taken on sunk in. Oh, my... how could Jesus think that we were worthy of this task? This house... this material item that we worked so hard to acquire... was not OURS. Its purpose, though its history with us has thus far been short, is also apparent. Our neighbors already WANT a relationship with us. And you know what? I LOVE them in a way that I have never loved a stranger. When I see them I can't help but think "What about eternity? What if they spend all of time separated from God, because I am too busy, or afraid, to tell them that they don't have to!" Jesus loves them! I tell my kids every night before I leave their rooms "Jesus loves you... because you are Simon. You are Stephen... Delilah, Sarah, Miriam." He loves you only because you are you! He loves me only because I am me! How can such a simple truth be twisted into something as complicated as many of us make it? He loved me before I could prove I was worthy. I never could. Dramatic, Shallow, Afraid, Frail, me. I am loved... and he asks nothing from me. But why would I keep this truth from those who don't know? I owe it to those in humanity traveling this terrifying road of life to tell them! This journey we found ourselves on taught me about the richness of a human life. All the people we lived closely with came from different places in life, and have different interests, and slightly different beliefs than I do. But we made each other's lives better. And I can't wait to FINALLY start what we came here to do... now that we've finished it, too. Praise God for his plan...
This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:10-12
In 2010 we began making preparations to move to Colorado, and in my opinion is the beginning of our incredible journey... just one of the larger scale landscapes of the big picture that makes up my life. In February of 2011, we left everything familiar and came to Colorado. I can remember feeling as though we were really, really pushing ourselves to get here. And when we got to Colorado Springs, our first stop in Colorado, we let out our breath... and took a couple of days in the hotel there to regroup and recover. We had a 4 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and itty bitty Stephen was 4 months old! We had no place to live, and no source of income. All we knew is that Sovereign asked us to go, and we would do anything to obey. We jumped in with both feet, terrified but knowing from the last landscape that He always provides, and often in ways that are miraculous and knowledge-defying. He did. We were given the phone number of a family who would let us stay in their home, with them. (In Greeley. Pay attention to this detail. I know who goes before me!) Our first experience with communal living, though I was just too overwhelmed by their hospitality and kindness to pay much attention to it. And the day we got to The Springs, Peter got a phone call to interview for a job. It was one he would later take, and it would bring us to Aurora. After a month...? (Details escaped me for most of the 3 years we were traveling through this place. I wrote down what I could, but it was difficult to keep total track.) we left Greeley to move to.... a hotel! We lived there while trying to buy a small townhouse. It fell through. I'll spare all the boring details, but it was quite exhausting. And life shaping. We ended up finally getting an apartment down the road, and Peter started working another job at Chic fil a, on top of his school job. There were days when it seemed life he left at 6:30 in the morning, and didn't come home until 11:00 pm. I don't know if that was true, but its the way I remember it. (C'mon April. Stop being dramatic.) Some other things happened... blah, blah. The whole time in our apartment in Aurora I struggled to feel as though there was a purpose to my being there. We tried to reach our neighbors, but our hearts weren't in it. We came expecting to do these grand things for the glory of God, and were frustrated that we weren't allowed to do them. But someone Peter and I have a lot of respect for told us at some point that its ok to wait for God, as long as He's the one making you wait. It made it a little more bearable, but maybe we started using that as an excuse. I don't know. We were so used to doing things for God that were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting that we had to learn to serve him in our every day. We did. We were finally still, and moldable, and then he began to stir in us that fire that we brought with us from California. Our goal was still the same, but our dreams had shifted to become more like God's vision. And things just HAPPEN when we are on the same page as the Author.
So, 2013, and we try to buy a house in Aurora/Denver. It didn't work. We thought "Here we go again. Its always gotta be so hard!" But then Peter said "What about Greeley." He was kidding. Greeley smells like poo, sometimes, and its small. There's nothing to do except shop at the second hand stores. We laughed. Haha, funny thought. But then a week later... you know how it goes. That quiet way the Lord speaks. We obeyed as soon as we knew it was from Him. And we were under contract for a house. The Perfect House. I'll probably always call it that. It really wasn't perfect. Looking back it was so... not. But I still believe that even though this Perfect House took us down a really unpredictable path, it was divinely appointed. Such a silly way to view something so material, but like I said before, the Wisdom of God is a really amazing thing.
We were really right on top of our closing date. In an attempt to stream line our move and save money we gave our notice to our apartment complex before we actually had keys in hand. The whole process had gone smooth-ish. We expected hiccups in the closing. Things just happen. Except the seller eventually decided he didn't want to sell his house anymore. It was a short sale, and he was upset that he was losing all the money from the deal. The bank was taking it all. He would rather have had a foreclosure. Misery loves company, right? So we found ourselves threatened with homelessness. It was terrifying, but not something foreign to us. We drove toward it 3 years ago! If it wasn't for the hospitality of a friend I don't know what we would have done. We found ourselves wonderfully and unexpectedly ushered into this woman's home, and sharing meals and life with her and her precious family. We were blessed beyond measure to be in this scary situation of not knowing any of our future. And blessed and honored to share so closely the life of someone else. It is a beautiful experience. I think everyone should do it at least once.
But all good things must come to an end, and not every one thinks people should share. I suppose if I pause and think about from the perspective of a landlord it makes more sense that you wouldn't want unknown people in your house. But long story short, the landperson found out we were "living" in the house and threatened to take measures if we didn't leave. I think he was trying to be understanding about our situation, but the bottom line was "get out of my house." (At least, that's how I felt.) We sent a desperate email to our church family, all the while me imagining us standing in line for hours outside of some church or homeless shelter waiting for a few pews or dirty cots to sleep on... next to stinky, bearded homeless men. (Geez, I am so dramatic. And maybe a little shallow.) In the end, Sovereign had a plan, and we were blessed (again!) to live with an incredible Godly man who really offered all of himself and all of his home, and resources to us. We were there for almost 2 months. I was so sad to leave, and also so relieved. I spent every night laying down these old gym mats and covering them with sheets and blankets so we could sleep on the basement floor, and every morning folding them up and clearing the floor for our day. We could be upstairs, but the kids (and I... maybe me more than them) broke stuff. He usually just laughed and said "Well, I never used that anyway. Now I don't have to feel like I need to keep it." All the while we were living in Larry's basement there were several other people who came and slept in his other empty rooms, and blessed us with their lives, and experience, and friendship. I really couldn't say enough that it was a beautiful, wonderful experience. I never felt lonely, and sometimes it was hard... but in the end I really, really miss it. Seriously. I keep trying to find the words to describe it, and have none, but I hope that one day we can do it again.
And all the while, we were struggling, and learning, and being faithful to follow the Lord's guidance. Eventually, the Perfect House was no longer an option, but its purpose was apparent. And Peter, at some point in the process had taken a job in Greeley. Its meant to be temporary, because the hours are terrible. (6 pm to 4 am?) When the house was totally finished we got an apartment. We moved. We intended to stay there until our lease ran its course. But... then that Voice. We went out looking for more houses, expecting it to be some other fiasco... except after a long, exhausting day of looking at one house or another that wasn't quite right we found it. The RIGHT House. It is so much better than the Perfect House. The floor plan is better, the yard is better, and the neighbors are so... ripe? Ha. Are they bananas... and apples, and oranges? Perhaps wheat. What I can tell you is that the harvest is plentiful... and while there are few workers, we know that there are people here in Greeley that we've been humbled to "bump" into, who have knowledge and resources they want to share.... But I digress.
What I was saying is that the Right House came along, and surprisingly we found ourselves just about a month later signing papers. The keys were in our hand, and we looked at each other like deer caught in those deadly headlights... we were done. And then the reality of what we've taken on sunk in. Oh, my... how could Jesus think that we were worthy of this task? This house... this material item that we worked so hard to acquire... was not OURS. Its purpose, though its history with us has thus far been short, is also apparent. Our neighbors already WANT a relationship with us. And you know what? I LOVE them in a way that I have never loved a stranger. When I see them I can't help but think "What about eternity? What if they spend all of time separated from God, because I am too busy, or afraid, to tell them that they don't have to!" Jesus loves them! I tell my kids every night before I leave their rooms "Jesus loves you... because you are Simon. You are Stephen... Delilah, Sarah, Miriam." He loves you only because you are you! He loves me only because I am me! How can such a simple truth be twisted into something as complicated as many of us make it? He loved me before I could prove I was worthy. I never could. Dramatic, Shallow, Afraid, Frail, me. I am loved... and he asks nothing from me. But why would I keep this truth from those who don't know? I owe it to those in humanity traveling this terrifying road of life to tell them! This journey we found ourselves on taught me about the richness of a human life. All the people we lived closely with came from different places in life, and have different interests, and slightly different beliefs than I do. But we made each other's lives better. And I can't wait to FINALLY start what we came here to do... now that we've finished it, too. Praise God for his plan...
This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:10-12
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