It Feels Like Breathing

Once upon a time, when I was a music minister (and a different person) I met an older woman who had been playing the piano for many, many years. I don't remember the exact amount of years, but I remember my response when she told me how long. "Wow. It must feel like breathing to you."

"Yes. It gives me life."

Today, when my first born baby asked me what I was going to blog about I said "The blog will come together, but the concept is doing something that feels like breathing to you." "Oh. That would be drawing, for me."

I replied "Its like, the thing that comes the most naturally. You don't have to think about it too hard."

"Drawing is hard." Said the child; "Drawing takes a lot of work."

And now I am thinking that sometimes the things that feel like breathing aren't always easy. Sometimes we just love doing it and we don't know why... but there is a stirring within us that causes us to continue in that trajectory. Maybe the word for this feeling is worship.

I have had several emotional moments this week, as I was doing the job I get paid to do. This. This feels like breathing to me. It is a silly way to feel about skilled labor... but I feel this. The thing I am sad to see go at the end of my work day, and the thing I look forward to at the beginning.

Can you find Pinkie Pie Pony Pez Dispenser in my belt, there? Ha!

I wash windows. I wash commercial business windows. There are a lot of really cool small business owners out there. If you don't shop local, you should.

 I wash residential windows. I meet a lot of really neat home owners. Sometimes it takes me a really, really long time to wash one window because I am so busy hanging out with a new friend. There are a lot of really lonely people out there. If you don't talk to your neighbors, you should.

I also disinfect businesses for Covid-19. That job makes me feel like a bad ass superhero. When I brought my equipment home for a couple of hours one day my boys reverently scooped up my goggles and breathing mask and said "You wear a gas mask for your job?!?"

I'm not just bragging about my work. Not everyone gets to have the best job ever... but I do think that if you examine your life you will find those things in your day that brings you to a place of feeling worth. A place of worship that is not church-like or religious.

Paul reminds us that whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we should do for the glory of God. All of our actions should transcend mindless doing. The purpose of our actions should serve to glorify God.

We were created to worship the Creator. So, happy worshiping, Dear Ones.

Instagram Moments

I am restless. Summer seems to do that to me. 

Driving down the road and seeing lots of "for sale" signs in the front yard.

Hot afternoons sipping pink wine in the shade, dreaming of alternate beginnings, endings, and in-betweens for my life. 

Lots of free time to work, play, and rest, all the while lamenting how there is "nothing to do" and exclaiming "what a boring day!" 

And, in the free time remembering other really exciting, monumental events that have happened in the past. They didn't all (or usually) happen in the Summer. But I usually remember them all in the Summer. 

Like, the time we moved to Colorado. 

That was an adventure. You'd think that living in uncertainty and being homeless for awhile would have cured me of craving excitement. 

And, I remember when I used to travel to Haiti twice a year. 

There was this one time we got stuck in some riots over there. And my flight got cancelled because of the unrest, and there were two "gangs" trying to take control of the intersection while we were trying to get back to the mission house. 

That was really an adventure. I miss Haiti a lot. I hope I get to go more. I hope to have more adventures over there. I hope to make more friends who will help me be a better person. 

I remember all of my children being born. I remember finally graduating from college. I remember my wedding day. I remember when I moved out of my parents house and began living on my own. 

These memories. My memories. The things that stand out in my life as being exceptional, exciting, and news worthy. The things I wanted to talk about because they were interesting. 

But, what about the boring days? What about the things that are routine, every day happenings? Social media doesn't always benefit people's perspectives, but one thing I appreciate about it is that we must shift the lens in which we view life... You tubers post "A day in my life" videos and spruce them up to look fun. A day at the farmer's market is artsy and cool. A day as a parent is aesthetic and organized. Caring for ones chickens and ducks is clean and delightful. (Not stinky at all.) If we could all approach our lives with this kind of narrative we could really jump into the mundane with fresh faces and full smiles. 

Will I remember all the moments spent discussing parenting strategies and finances with my husband? Will I notice the beautiful Egyptian Star flowers and old owl sign when I come home from work? Or will I be too lost in thought trying to come up with my own excitement...too lost in thought remembering the "glory days" of finding myself?

I think this kind of restless thinking comes from growing up hearing messages of greatness being preached. Discussions about slaying Goliaths, moving mountains, and fearlessly preaching in the city square. I want to focus my life on the details in between those victories. I want to remember that before Ruth bore the ancestor of the Messiah she was harvesting grain day in and day out, simply providing for her needs, and the needs of her Mother in law. I want to remember that years, many many years, passed between Paul's missionary journeys. He did much of his work just writing letters of encouragement. I want to remember that before David was known he was a small shepherd boy going about the business of tending sheep. Day, after day, after day. I think its the space in between the things we want to tell everyone that we should be living in. 

So, with that, I encourage you to stay boring, Dear Ones. 

Trigger Warning: Read At Your Own Risk

Hi. I had another, much nicer, way easier blog all written. It started like this: "Is anyone else tired of 2020?"

Anyone? Hands?

I then went on to talk about all the things that have happened in 5 short months. But there is only one thing I want to talk about.

George Floyd.

This is the most current name that represents many, many lives lost at the hands of the police. Google the words "Black lives lost to police brutality" and take a good, hard look at what comes up.

I am a sociologist. I spent a long time earning a degree that caused me deep, personal offense. I argued against the facts... words like "systemic racism" are not just made up things that have no backing. Real sociologists are real scientists, and we spend more time trying to prove ourselves wrong than we do trying to be right. Numbers don't lie.

Just because systemic racism exists doesn't make your hard work irrelevant. Don't make this about you. (Google "systemic racism" if you don't really know what this word means.) 

I would go to class, and come home, and cry, and cry, and cry. This world is not fair, and it doesn't make any sense. And I don't understand why anybody would be offended that many, many black men and women have died, and that there is a call to justice. A call to right the wrongs.

 I didn't suffocate anyone with my own hands... with my own knee. I didn't beat someone to death. I didn't chase anyone down and murder them because they looked suspicious.

Why do we want to use this argument when we are uncomfortable about the race conversation, but we always take responsibility for the death of Jesus? "I am responsible for his death. It might as well have been me hammering the nails into his hands and feet."

Listen. I am angry. People are dying, and they shouldn't be.

I am not pointing my fingers at you... but I do want to challenge you to think really hard about your place in life. It is hard to confront our own perspective because we tend to only see things one way, which is our way. Below is a video that changed my life forever. I have watched it many, many times, and I sob from the very first sentence. It is 5 minutes long. The first little girl does a drill with her family, so she know what to do when she is stopped by the police. I have never done that with my children. (This is just one of many ways our white privilege is reflected.) There are things I take for granted simply because I am white. There are things I will never even consider because I am white. Am I a bad, guilty person because of this? No. But I should be aware of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrqufuL6eD8

Challenge yourselves, Dear Ones. I will do the same.

Coping With Stress

Last week I received an email from one of my college professors. I have been accepted into the Sociology Master's program, and part of the program is an opportunity to get hired as a teaching assistant. The benefit of this position is that it pays a stipend, as well as half of the tuition.

It was my intent to apply for the position, but then Coronavirus happened, and my kids were doing online school, and the entire future of my whole life for the next 60 years was in question. (Just kidding. Doesn't it feel like that sometimes, though?) So... I ignored the deadline, and ignored the second (extended) deadline, and then did absolutely nothing.

The email my academic advisor sent went something like "I see that you haven't applied for a TA position. Why not?"

I ended up applying extra late, and found out a few short days later that I was accepted for the position! Yippee!!!

This situation had me thinking about how we deal with stress. It kind of goes hand in hand with the concepts we've been talking about... rewriting the narrative, and how we seek comfort.

There is a theory called "Stress Appraisal Theory." This refers to how we confront stressful situations in our lives. There is the primary appraisal which is when we decide if the situation is stressful to us, and if its even relevant to us. Then there is the secondary appraisal which is when we decide what our options for coping are.

If a situation is deemed to be merely challenging, or threatening, then we may allow ourselves more time to evaluate our options. If we feel that there is imminent harm we evaluate and react immediately.

All outcomes and decisions are based on an individuals intersections in life. (Google the word "intersectionality" if you want to get smarter.) And, having past experience with stressors makes us more capable of dealing with stressors in appropriate ways. Imagine that!

You can learn more about Stress Appraisal Theory by clicking the link below!

http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-psychology-theories/stress-appraisal-theory/

Apparently, I decided that the stresses of being a Teaching Assistant were to be avoided at all costs. Maybe I decided that doing something about it was going to be harmful, and my immediate reaction was to run in the other direction.

I've been called an avoider more times than once in my life.

Here's the kicker, though. Even when we visit scripture we are encouraged to embrace opportunities for growth (James 1:2-4). We are invited into a relationship with Christ, which he promised would be difficult (Matthew 7:13-14). Stress doesn't need to be something to be avoided. It can be something that we perceive as being "challenging" instead of "harmful." And if we believe that every difficult circumstance we face in life is a opportunity for growth then I think that we will indeed become better, stronger people.

Is there a stressor in your life that you can embrace as an opportunity for growth, rather than fearing the harm it may cause?

Craig D. Lounsbrough, a counselor and writer said "If I am to excel in this life in any manner that is worthwhile, I must understand that ease is not a lifestyle. Rather, it is the brief and very momentary gift that we are granted because we have spent the bulk of our time purposely engaging that which is hard."

Happy engaging, Dear Ones!