Confident and Self Aware

 Let me introduce you to Crinkle. 

We call her Crinkle, Crinkie, Pancake Chicken, or Striped Baby. When she was a little baby chick she lived in the bathtub with her sisters in the main level bathroom of our house. We don't bathe in there, but we go in there a lot. Especially when chicken babies make an appearance. 

She would jump onto the rim of the tub any time a person went in there. Then she would jump onto our laps. She learned how to jump onto the palms of our hands if we held them out to her. We would bring her out to the living room and wrap her in a blanket and cuddle her until she fell asleep. 

When we had to put her and her sisters outside I would go out to feed them in the cold mornings and Crinkle would be the only one to brave the feeling of the cold snow on her feet to come and greet me. I would pick her up and stick her inside of my jacket and carry her around while I did my chores. Then I would take her back to the warm coop and set her inside so that she wouldn't have to trek back through the snow. 

When it is warm, she comes and says hello in chicken language. She follows us around expecting that we will drop a treat at some point. Even if we just sprinkle regular chicken food on the ground she calls her flock mates over and shows them the gift with flair and excitement. 

Crinkle is a pretty cool chick. She knows we will care for her. She expects this, and receives the things we give her, as well as the things we don't. 

She knows that we will come for her, and we will love her. She is "just" a chicken. But a well loved, well kept chicken. We treated all of her sisters the same in the beginning... holding them gently and hand feeding them. Its just that she responded to our care and has taken advantage of her knowledge of us. If I am simply a human capable of giving this kind of love to a chicken... how much more will Jesus supply all of my needs?

I want to be like Crinkle when I approach my Heavenly Father. These days, for some reason or another, I have been feeling as though I must earn the care and compassion that he showers on me simply because I am his daughter. He holds his hands out and I just have to come and rest in his presence. I just have to wait expectantly for the good gifts that he generously gives me. And trust him when he does not give me what I think he should. 

Matthew 6:25-34 tells us this! It encourages us to trust our Father who clothes the fields in beauty and feeds the sparrows who do no work to obtain their sustenance. I am cared for. I am safe, and I am loved. No earning or striving necessary. 

Be expectant, Dear Ones.

The power of friends

 Last night we got to visit a new hang out place with our friends. It is a brick fired pizza restaurant with self-service beer taps. 

So. Much. Fun. 

We are moving into a season of life where we will be surrounded by chaos. Homeschooling the kids, doing full time online degree work with Denver Seminary, and me working outside of the home most days... plus a handful of personal commitments. Last night felt a little bit like a farewell to our excessive free time. 

There was live music, and the artist did such a good job interacting with his audience. And a fabulous atmosphere of community. At some point the server sat at our table for his break, and then one of the owners did too! Ha! (Reason 823 for why I love Greeley.) 

There was a praying mantis that ended up on Peter's shirt. We didn't see it, but a lady at another table did. She came to warn us. 

We removed the bug, and it CAME BACK to crawl on our friend's shirt. The children that were playing alongside the patio came and rescued us and took it to the far away bushes. 

It was so restorative to find my way into a place of deep community. 

Does anyone else feel like they are in need of that? Our social lives have been in such a state of disruption. Every time I talk to someone they are wrestling with more and more struggle. 

Have you ever heard of the mind-body connection? It is a concept that suggests that our mental well being is affected by our physical health, and our physical health is affected by our mental health. If one is sick, the other is surely suffering as well. 

There is also social research (which I have also added to) that says that our relationships with those who surround us are intricately connected to our mental health. 

What this means is that relationships matter. Being in positive social situations, having friends, and enjoying our co-workers makes us healthier people. Being in negative social relationships makes us sicker. 

I don't know what you're going into now that Summer is wrapping up... but it seems important to remind you, friends, to fight for positivity in your life. Get rid of the the junk baggage and only carry the things that will make you better. Especially your friends! 

Stay social, Dear Ones. 

Hypothetical Fences

My dad was in Colorado visiting us last week. He helped us build a fence along the outer border of our property. I have been sensing a need to circle the wagons, and create a more private space. Who knows where society is headed? I am moving toward a greater amount of self-sufficiency by creating a homesteading space in what I have been given. I would like to grow my own food, both plant and animal. If you know me, you'll understand when I say that I just want to be prepared for when the zombies come. Surely this strong, solid fence will keep out all of the outside things that will keep my work from being fruitful. 

Sometimes it is easy to make a plan and take the steps necessary to complete the goal. Other times nothing makes sense, and the plan just doesn't come together. Today is one of those days. I am tired, and feeling defeated by the constant changing of life's tide. 

The fact of the matter is that no matter how solid we build the hypothetical fences of life, they will not stand a chance if we are not keeping step with what the Lord intends. At the very most, He will leave the 99 to retrieve the wayward sheep. At the very least we will experience dissonance until we realign ourselves with the Shepherd. Proverbs 19:21 confirms this. "Many are the plans in the mind of a person, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." 

Maybe you gave up the ultimate education dream to answer the call of Christ. 

Maybe you are homeschooling your children even though you swore you'd never do that again. 

Maybe you are a woman challenging the norms and expectations of everyone else's religion. 

What is your maybe, Dear One? 

There is hope, and reassurance. Despite the maybes that we are walking in, we will find greater comfort in rooting ourselves in the truth of the Lord's love for us. He says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for your good. Plans to give you hope, and a future!" (Jeremiah 29:11) Even when we do not know how it will turn out, God does. The creator of the universe, the creator of the shifting seasons, has designed my life...your life... with purpose and adventure. There is a perfect balance of failure and success. And God knows. 

If we can walk in this, then maybe there would be less defeat and more celebration over being kept from a path that our feet should not be on. 

Be blessed, Dear Ones. 

 

Cognitive Dissonance

Would you all like to get a little nerdy with me? Great.

Have we ever talked about a concept called cognitive dissonance? It is when your actions don't line up with your beliefs. The result of doing something that doesn't fit with your morals or ethics is guilt... right?

In order to rectify this phenomenon and make ourselves more comfortable with our actions we have one of three choices.

1. We can change our beliefs by acquiring new information that supports the action.
2. We can change our actions to line up with our beliefs.
3. We can avoid thinking about the issue, thus decreasing the importance of resolving the conflict.


There is a passage in scripture that touches on this concept in a spiritual way. It is found in 1 Peter 2:11. It goes like this: "Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul." 

So, here's the breakdown, in the Greek translation.
 The literal meaning of the words for foreigners and exiles is: Stranger (paroikos) and Sojouorner (parepidemos).

A paroikos (stranger) is: one who dwells in a foreign country, but does not have a settled habitation.
A parepidemos (sojourner) is: a foreigner who has settled down among the native people.

Either way, we're foreigners here on earth. We are eternal citizens of heaven who have either settled a little bit, or not, in the temporal space of earth. Paul says "...as strangers and sojourners abstain from sinful desires..." 

So, here is where it gets interesting. Sinful desires in greek is a little different than the image that comes to mind when I am reading it in English. I think of immorality, like stealing or lying.

In the greek it is called "fleshly desires." Fleshly (sarkikos) Desires (epithumia).

Sarkikos (fleshly) is things that are temporal.
Epithumia (desires) is lust or longing.

So, don't long for temporal things.

As eternal beings living in a temporary place, don't set your hearts on temporal things. If you do this, it will wage war against your spirits. (Or, create dissonance in you!) 

I am a restless kind of gal, always looking for the next adventure. I want excitement. I also want security. I like having nice, fun things. Except for, what is it that I am setting my sights on? What am I striving for? Where do I place my worth? Why am I chasing the things I chase?

Achievement, success, abundance, adventure. These are worthy pursuits, as long as the purpose is worship. Am I chasing God, or am I chasing things? Am I seeking approval so that I can feel really good about me (such a fleeting goal) or am I seeking to show other beggars where to find the Living Water? (Such an eternal, worthy, life giving pursuit.)

The following verse sums up the entire reason for avoiding temporal longings. 1 Peter 2:12 says: "Live such good lives among the pagans that... they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us." 

And so, Dear Ones. What are you pursuing? The things that moth and rust destroy, or the imperishable treasures of heaven?

It Feels Like Breathing

Once upon a time, when I was a music minister (and a different person) I met an older woman who had been playing the piano for many, many years. I don't remember the exact amount of years, but I remember my response when she told me how long. "Wow. It must feel like breathing to you."

"Yes. It gives me life."

Today, when my first born baby asked me what I was going to blog about I said "The blog will come together, but the concept is doing something that feels like breathing to you." "Oh. That would be drawing, for me."

I replied "Its like, the thing that comes the most naturally. You don't have to think about it too hard."

"Drawing is hard." Said the child; "Drawing takes a lot of work."

And now I am thinking that sometimes the things that feel like breathing aren't always easy. Sometimes we just love doing it and we don't know why... but there is a stirring within us that causes us to continue in that trajectory. Maybe the word for this feeling is worship.

I have had several emotional moments this week, as I was doing the job I get paid to do. This. This feels like breathing to me. It is a silly way to feel about skilled labor... but I feel this. The thing I am sad to see go at the end of my work day, and the thing I look forward to at the beginning.

Can you find Pinkie Pie Pony Pez Dispenser in my belt, there? Ha!

I wash windows. I wash commercial business windows. There are a lot of really cool small business owners out there. If you don't shop local, you should.

 I wash residential windows. I meet a lot of really neat home owners. Sometimes it takes me a really, really long time to wash one window because I am so busy hanging out with a new friend. There are a lot of really lonely people out there. If you don't talk to your neighbors, you should.

I also disinfect businesses for Covid-19. That job makes me feel like a bad ass superhero. When I brought my equipment home for a couple of hours one day my boys reverently scooped up my goggles and breathing mask and said "You wear a gas mask for your job?!?"

I'm not just bragging about my work. Not everyone gets to have the best job ever... but I do think that if you examine your life you will find those things in your day that brings you to a place of feeling worth. A place of worship that is not church-like or religious.

Paul reminds us that whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we should do for the glory of God. All of our actions should transcend mindless doing. The purpose of our actions should serve to glorify God.

We were created to worship the Creator. So, happy worshiping, Dear Ones.

Instagram Moments

I am restless. Summer seems to do that to me. 

Driving down the road and seeing lots of "for sale" signs in the front yard.

Hot afternoons sipping pink wine in the shade, dreaming of alternate beginnings, endings, and in-betweens for my life. 

Lots of free time to work, play, and rest, all the while lamenting how there is "nothing to do" and exclaiming "what a boring day!" 

And, in the free time remembering other really exciting, monumental events that have happened in the past. They didn't all (or usually) happen in the Summer. But I usually remember them all in the Summer. 

Like, the time we moved to Colorado. 

That was an adventure. You'd think that living in uncertainty and being homeless for awhile would have cured me of craving excitement. 

And, I remember when I used to travel to Haiti twice a year. 

There was this one time we got stuck in some riots over there. And my flight got cancelled because of the unrest, and there were two "gangs" trying to take control of the intersection while we were trying to get back to the mission house. 

That was really an adventure. I miss Haiti a lot. I hope I get to go more. I hope to have more adventures over there. I hope to make more friends who will help me be a better person. 

I remember all of my children being born. I remember finally graduating from college. I remember my wedding day. I remember when I moved out of my parents house and began living on my own. 

These memories. My memories. The things that stand out in my life as being exceptional, exciting, and news worthy. The things I wanted to talk about because they were interesting. 

But, what about the boring days? What about the things that are routine, every day happenings? Social media doesn't always benefit people's perspectives, but one thing I appreciate about it is that we must shift the lens in which we view life... You tubers post "A day in my life" videos and spruce them up to look fun. A day at the farmer's market is artsy and cool. A day as a parent is aesthetic and organized. Caring for ones chickens and ducks is clean and delightful. (Not stinky at all.) If we could all approach our lives with this kind of narrative we could really jump into the mundane with fresh faces and full smiles. 

Will I remember all the moments spent discussing parenting strategies and finances with my husband? Will I notice the beautiful Egyptian Star flowers and old owl sign when I come home from work? Or will I be too lost in thought trying to come up with my own excitement...too lost in thought remembering the "glory days" of finding myself?

I think this kind of restless thinking comes from growing up hearing messages of greatness being preached. Discussions about slaying Goliaths, moving mountains, and fearlessly preaching in the city square. I want to focus my life on the details in between those victories. I want to remember that before Ruth bore the ancestor of the Messiah she was harvesting grain day in and day out, simply providing for her needs, and the needs of her Mother in law. I want to remember that years, many many years, passed between Paul's missionary journeys. He did much of his work just writing letters of encouragement. I want to remember that before David was known he was a small shepherd boy going about the business of tending sheep. Day, after day, after day. I think its the space in between the things we want to tell everyone that we should be living in. 

So, with that, I encourage you to stay boring, Dear Ones. 

Trigger Warning: Read At Your Own Risk

Hi. I had another, much nicer, way easier blog all written. It started like this: "Is anyone else tired of 2020?"

Anyone? Hands?

I then went on to talk about all the things that have happened in 5 short months. But there is only one thing I want to talk about.

George Floyd.

This is the most current name that represents many, many lives lost at the hands of the police. Google the words "Black lives lost to police brutality" and take a good, hard look at what comes up.

I am a sociologist. I spent a long time earning a degree that caused me deep, personal offense. I argued against the facts... words like "systemic racism" are not just made up things that have no backing. Real sociologists are real scientists, and we spend more time trying to prove ourselves wrong than we do trying to be right. Numbers don't lie.

Just because systemic racism exists doesn't make your hard work irrelevant. Don't make this about you. (Google "systemic racism" if you don't really know what this word means.) 

I would go to class, and come home, and cry, and cry, and cry. This world is not fair, and it doesn't make any sense. And I don't understand why anybody would be offended that many, many black men and women have died, and that there is a call to justice. A call to right the wrongs.

 I didn't suffocate anyone with my own hands... with my own knee. I didn't beat someone to death. I didn't chase anyone down and murder them because they looked suspicious.

Why do we want to use this argument when we are uncomfortable about the race conversation, but we always take responsibility for the death of Jesus? "I am responsible for his death. It might as well have been me hammering the nails into his hands and feet."

Listen. I am angry. People are dying, and they shouldn't be.

I am not pointing my fingers at you... but I do want to challenge you to think really hard about your place in life. It is hard to confront our own perspective because we tend to only see things one way, which is our way. Below is a video that changed my life forever. I have watched it many, many times, and I sob from the very first sentence. It is 5 minutes long. The first little girl does a drill with her family, so she know what to do when she is stopped by the police. I have never done that with my children. (This is just one of many ways our white privilege is reflected.) There are things I take for granted simply because I am white. There are things I will never even consider because I am white. Am I a bad, guilty person because of this? No. But I should be aware of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrqufuL6eD8

Challenge yourselves, Dear Ones. I will do the same.

Coping With Stress

Last week I received an email from one of my college professors. I have been accepted into the Sociology Master's program, and part of the program is an opportunity to get hired as a teaching assistant. The benefit of this position is that it pays a stipend, as well as half of the tuition.

It was my intent to apply for the position, but then Coronavirus happened, and my kids were doing online school, and the entire future of my whole life for the next 60 years was in question. (Just kidding. Doesn't it feel like that sometimes, though?) So... I ignored the deadline, and ignored the second (extended) deadline, and then did absolutely nothing.

The email my academic advisor sent went something like "I see that you haven't applied for a TA position. Why not?"

I ended up applying extra late, and found out a few short days later that I was accepted for the position! Yippee!!!

This situation had me thinking about how we deal with stress. It kind of goes hand in hand with the concepts we've been talking about... rewriting the narrative, and how we seek comfort.

There is a theory called "Stress Appraisal Theory." This refers to how we confront stressful situations in our lives. There is the primary appraisal which is when we decide if the situation is stressful to us, and if its even relevant to us. Then there is the secondary appraisal which is when we decide what our options for coping are.

If a situation is deemed to be merely challenging, or threatening, then we may allow ourselves more time to evaluate our options. If we feel that there is imminent harm we evaluate and react immediately.

All outcomes and decisions are based on an individuals intersections in life. (Google the word "intersectionality" if you want to get smarter.) And, having past experience with stressors makes us more capable of dealing with stressors in appropriate ways. Imagine that!

You can learn more about Stress Appraisal Theory by clicking the link below!

http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-psychology-theories/stress-appraisal-theory/

Apparently, I decided that the stresses of being a Teaching Assistant were to be avoided at all costs. Maybe I decided that doing something about it was going to be harmful, and my immediate reaction was to run in the other direction.

I've been called an avoider more times than once in my life.

Here's the kicker, though. Even when we visit scripture we are encouraged to embrace opportunities for growth (James 1:2-4). We are invited into a relationship with Christ, which he promised would be difficult (Matthew 7:13-14). Stress doesn't need to be something to be avoided. It can be something that we perceive as being "challenging" instead of "harmful." And if we believe that every difficult circumstance we face in life is a opportunity for growth then I think that we will indeed become better, stronger people.

Is there a stressor in your life that you can embrace as an opportunity for growth, rather than fearing the harm it may cause?

Craig D. Lounsbrough, a counselor and writer said "If I am to excel in this life in any manner that is worthwhile, I must understand that ease is not a lifestyle. Rather, it is the brief and very momentary gift that we are granted because we have spent the bulk of our time purposely engaging that which is hard."

Happy engaging, Dear Ones!

"I feel so much better now."

I went to Sam's Club this morning. We are going camping, and I was purchasing snacks to take with us. As I cruised toward the water aisle, I heard exclamations of joy; excited chattering rose above the shelf units.

When I came around the corner, people were gathered in a less than socially distanced way... oohing and ahhing over stacks upon glorious stacks of toilet paper.

I stopped to take a photo. And I procured myself a fine looking toilet paper trophy, arranging it strategically and lovingly in a way that would tell the rest of the shoppers that toilet paper is now available. (Limit 1). 

One lady stood at the end of the aisle and remarked over the entire contents of the row. There was kleenex, and paper towels, and toilet paper, and a plethora of other dandy paper products. She said "Oh my gosh, I feel so much better now, knowing that this is all here." I do believe that she will sleep well tonight. 

We count on some strange things for comfort, don't we? 

I have been remembering all the time I used to spend in Haiti. The beautiful, strong third world country that taught me so much about my needs. The country we would all do well to learn from. The last time I went, far too long ago, we found ourselves caught in some protests. We spent a few hours bribing our way through road blockages and navigating unfamiliar terrain to get home to the safety of the base. 

As we were driving down the road, my friends were frantically making phone calls and finally got in touch with someone who knew how to find out where the manifestations were scheduled to be that night. He would say "Go! Go fast and hurry!" And then he would call again and say "Stop! Wait until I tell you to go again." We did not question the man on the phone. We trusted him, and did what he said immediately and without doubt. There are many situations in Haiti that require the residents there to be in relationship with each other. Over there, one must truly "know a guy" for survival. 

Here, our problems are so small, aren't they? I can't find butter; steak is expensive; our kids are bored; we are comforted by the simple knowing that there are paper products at the grocery store. 

As society is opening again, and we are emerging from a state of hibernation we are searching for those signs of what is normal. We are gravitating toward the things that we knew before The Great Pause. 

But here's the thing... before we became isolated what we found comfort in was quite possibly just "things." Just convenience. The stuff we can use up and throw away. And then go get more. What I want to say this week is that I hope you don't go back to that. I hope you will remember what it was that got you through this season of isolation. I think that if you look closely it will be the same for all of us. 

For me, (and I hope you too) it was the people that stepped into my struggles. It was the people who texted me when they thought of me. It was the people who asked if I had what I needed. It was (again) the people who called me out, and made sure I felt invited into deeper, more honest relationship. The ones I trusted without question to help me navigate tricky roads. It was those people who allowed me to do the same for them. I know a lot of people who have helped me survive, and this is what I want to cling to. I want to cling to relationships instead of things. I want to find comfort as I look down the aisle of my own life in the stuff that I can't just go get more of. 

Be comforted, Dear Ones. 

Re-Write Your Narrative

We finished school. We're headed into Summer Vacay. All of our plans have been ruined because of Corona Virus.

We can't go to the stampede because it got cancelled, which means I can't wear my cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots.

We can't swim in any of the swimming pools because they're closed.

Our yard has a ton of junk in it because Greeley cancelled Spring Cleanup day.

There will be no free Downtown Greeley outdoor concerts, which means there will be no petting doggos on leashes, no making new friends, no fire spinning, no ice cold beer in go-cups, and no dancing in the square.

And on top of that why can't I find butter at the grocery store?

The other day I was sitting with my sweet boy on our couch in front of our open window and he said "I hate Summer. Its too hot." and I said, "What season is your favorite?" And he said "Winter. I like winter because even if its cold outside I can be warm inside. In Summer it is hot outside and hot inside."

And I told him that we must take the seasons the way God gives them. We can have favorite seasons, and not like other seasons, but they have been given and allowed by God just the same.

And, sometimes we must re-write the narrative we live in. If it was not for the heat of Summer, we would not appreciate the cold of winter.

All of our plans have been changed because of Corona Virus.

The stampede has been cancelled, and our tickets have been credited to next year's event. We get first choice on what concerts and events we will attend. Maybe I can wear my cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots to one of those line-dancing shindigs. That would be a blast!

The pools are closed. Am I really that disappointed? I don't even like swimming pools. I always get too cold in them.

Our yard has junk. We get to find new, creative ways to re-purpose old wood planks we would have just thrown away. Save the sea turtles!

No Downtown Greeley Friday Fests? Perhaps we can have a fire pit in our backyard every Friday, and invite friends, and make our real relationships stronger. Maybe we can create a habit with our friends that will carry over to next summer when Friday Fests start again. Then we will have a solid group of Christ followers who can go to Downtown together and be the church in a new context.

The butter thing... its a privilege issue, right? To have nothing else to be upset about except that I haven't been able to find butter for two weeks?

Happy narrating, Dear Ones!

Look Around

I have two finches, Leonardo and Lolita, and a Canary. The Canary's name is Saffron. They live in a very large flight aviary that I saved my money to purchase for them. I prepared a place for them before I chose them. 

Leonardo and Lolita are super cute. They beep and meep. They behave in the hyperactive way that finches do. Sometimes I will put seeds in the palm of my hand and Brave Lolita will come and sit on me and eat. Cautious Leonardo will hop from perch to hand, issuing stern warnings to his companion.

The kids like their laser sounds. I got them because when I was working on my Bachelor's degree I needed something to keep me company in my office. The endless amounts of work I was doing left me feeling lonely and isolated. They did their job well. They continue to serve their purpose, by simply being birds, and I delight in watching them. 

Saffron is sweet. Whenever I would come back home after hours of attending classes she would hear me unlock the front door, and begin to "TWEEET!" She would only stop if I went into the room and greet her. I would speak to her, and she would tweet back for a few minutes. 

Now that I am home all the time she still calls out to me. Usually she is asking for me to fill her food dishes, and sometimes to wash her water dish and give her fresh warm water to bathe in. She says "TWEET! TWEEEEET!" and I come running. After I have filled her food dishes she sits on them and tweets her thanks. I say "You're welcome, Pretty Saffron. You are such a pretty and polite yellow bird. I like you an awful lot. I'm so glad you're the Canary that lives in my house with me." 

Saffron makes me think of Genesis, when Adam and Eve lived in the beautiful garden that God made for them, and he would come and walk with them. I think of the way the humans' hearts must have leapt for joy when they heard his footprints.  

I think of Jesus, the God-Man who left heaven to walk earth with his beloved creation. Even though we were fallen and in need, he came to give us what we didn't even know we longed for. 

I think of how, when I call out to Holy Spirit, He sings over me. Maybe I have a need, and maybe I simply want to feel His presence near me.  "Daughter, you are loved. You are called and purposed. I knew you before your existence, and I knit every cell in your body together. I prepared a place for you in my Kingdom. Your worth doesn't need to be earned, because you are simply you, and I chose you." 

Ah, nature. Ah, creation. There are ribbons of God's grace surrounding us. We need only to look around. 

And so, be observant Dear Ones. 

Don't just do things.

Life is awfully boring and incredibly invalidating when the things that we do are unseen by the world. The mundane tasks of life seem to be un-ordained, un-holy, and so purposeless.

I have spent a lot of time lately talking about this. I believe we live in a culture of approval. We all want to be great. We want to be talented and leave our mark. If the whole world will not know our names when we have moved into the eternal then it is not worth the effort.

I notice that these attitudes exist within The Church as well. We are focused on doing Kingdom things. We want to walk in our purpose, but not if our purpose is not called out and recognized by the rest of the body. The Christian way of calling this out is "producing fruit for the kingdom." Laboring. Making sure everyone knows what you are doing to contribute to the greater good. Are you walking in your calling? Are you living your purpose?

I apologize if my cynicism is showing. I adore the church. I definitely believe in doing good works. I strive for this in my life, and I share my endeavors. I don't believe in "doing life" alone. I want and need encouragement for the things I do. I want to see others living out loud and on purpose. But, we are overlooking a lot of really important details when it comes to what we do.

I think that we are missing the point of doing.  

Naturally, once we come to Christ, we want to lead others in the same victory that we've experienced, and this is reflected in wanting to do stuff to prove how free we are. But scripture encourages stillness, it speaks of heart conditions and attitudes. Not just working, but of being in relationship with Christ, and relationship with others. Let me try to explain my thought pattern here.

Galatians 5:22-23: The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness, and self-control.

Are we minding our attitudes? Are we first, before acting on anything, choosing to live by the Spirit? This doesn't not require any external action. This requires a heart condition. Of course people will see that we are kind, or patient because of how we act... but the attitude must come before the action.

One book I really like a lot is James. We use this book in The Church to teach about doing. Indeed, James says "If you are wise and understanding let it be shown by deeds done in humility." But he also says the wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit (see Galatians!), impartial and sincere. Wisdom is not produced by action, it is produced by choosing a proper attitude.

Immediately after this, James asks "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Isn't it from the desires that battle within you." Our hearts... our flesh. The things within us must first be addressed in order to walk in the deeds done in humility.

Ephesians 2:8: "For it is by GRACE you have been saved through FAITH (another heart condition!) and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God. (We do not even produce our own faith! The faith it took to bring us to Christ was gifted to us by our Father!) 

Not by works, so no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, (Yes, to DO good WORKS) which God prepared in advance for us to DO. 

I was definitely made to do good works. But here's the oft overlooked point... 

All of the mindless doing is wasting time. God created me to do the good works that God has already set apart for me to do. Striving to do things simply for the purpose of proving something to others is distracting me from filling my heart with the attitudes that will make me more effective at the actual things God has for me.

What are you relying on to prove your goodness? What am I relying on to prove that I do contribute... that I am helpful, or worthy? Am I just trying to make myself feel special or worthy by all of the doing?

What if I waited on the Lord for the good works he prepared especially for me? And, what if, while I was waiting, I practiced to have an attitude like Christ... what if I strengthed my heart condition so that I will be more equipped for overflow?

This gift of pausing can really shift what our lives looked like before Covid-19. I am grateful for the opportunity to examine my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you DO flows from it."

It is not our job to be concerned with what we do. It is our job to be concerned with our attitudes. Our hearts. We were called to nothing else but to LOVE. (Matthew 22:34-40) Let us shift our focus from doing, and begin to focus on being. 

Be well, Dear Ones.

The Gift of Stillness

Can you hear that? 

The whispering... 

Can you feel it?

Both the stirring, and the quieting? It is the work of God. It is Ruach Ha-Kodesh breathing into his people.

In Isaiah 43:19 he says "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not percieve it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Look for it. Listen for it. Wait for it!

I, like most of you, perhaps, have been caught these last 7 weeks inside of my own self. I have been forced to confront the company of me, instead of being able to distract myself with the company of others. My attitudes, my heart conditions, have been laid bare. 

After awhile the novelty of self-care, and "rest" wore off. YouTube became boring and monochromatic. I was forced into contemplation; self reflection. The things I learned to cope with by avoiding were no longer avoidable. My house was clean-(ish), and I had purged my outside environment of cluttter. From the outside it looked like I had it all together, but the inside parts were messier than ever. All of the old emotional hurt had been stirred up and pulled out of the darkest corners of my heart. 

Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." 

2 Chronicles 20:17 says "You do not need to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you." 

Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." 

We do not come to know the power of God by striving. We come to know the power of God by trusting His sovereign work. 

We are being re-worked. New things are being created with the Potter's hand (Jeremiah 18:4). After all, does the clay say to the potter "What are you making?" (Isaiah 45:9) 

We can trust that the Lord is good. We can trust that he will reshape us. This is why we have been given such a gracious gift... the gift of stillness. 

Be encouraged, Dear Ones. The word of the Lord will do what he intended for it to do, and Lord has spoken great things over you. 

Do your work.

Ahhh. Saturday. The day when I sleep late, watch lots of YouTube and take it easy. 

Oh, wait. I do that every day of the week, now.

I miss my rhythms. The habits and patterns I've created to keep me productive and motivated. I believe that God designed us to depend on rhythms. From the beginning of creation he set the pace. 

He created day and night, and gave us the sun and moon to govern our time. I do love all things celestial. I might say that of all of creation the sky points me to the Lord more than any of them.

I have been struggling to create new rhythms. It seems a bit pointless, if this will end and everything will go back to normal. The thing is though, Covid-19 has changed the world. It has changed individuals, communities, and therefore society as a whole. When we go back to "real life" nothing will look the same, or feel the same. Attempting to cling to something that no longer exists is... illogical. Solomon called it "meaningless." 

Lets take a peek at Ecclesiastes chapter 3:9-22. Solomon talks about what is good and right for human kind. He says that God has set eternity in the hearts of men, and yet we are incapable of understanding what he's done from beginning to end... we weren't created to understand "eternity." We were created under the rhythm set by the sun and moon. We were created for "now." Our perspectives are too limited to take on the long term plans of the Lord. 

Solomon says "I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live." 

So, what is the "good" that we can do? "That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil. This is the gift of God." (Ecclesiastes 3:13)

We were designed for work... even before the curse set in. God created Adam and Eve to look after the garden. (Genesis 2:15) This was good. It was, and is, the gift of God. 

Solomon goes on in this passage to lament the uncertainty of our fate. Eh. He was kind of an emo guy. 

 We know who holds tomorrow. We know that eternity waits for us. I don't think he was necessarily discussing the uncertainty of salvation (though, keep in mind this book was written before the Savior came to rescue us!) I think his mind was on the futility of trying to predict the effects of our labors here on earth.  I think he was wondering about the use of thinking on the distant future. We live today, here. We are guaranteed now, on earth, to do our work. Once we get to heaven our work has been completed. The work that the Lord is doing in us has been completed! Oh, Glory Hallelujah. What a day that will be! 

Ecclesiastes 3:22 says this: "So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him." We are not the ones in control of the outcome of our actions. We are in control of our obedience. 

And so, we are back at the beginning of this passage. Ecclesiastes 3:14: I know that everything God does will endure forever, nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." 

The uncertainty of our tomorrows are by design. They are meant to point us to the Creator and King of it all. Our daily actions, the rhythms we set in our nows are the things that bring us to worship. Attempting to control anything other than what we are doing moment by moment is less than worship, and simply not what we have been designed for. When we step into mindfully participating in what we've been given to do is when we step into a future... a calling, a purpose... controlled by the one who is working it all out for our good. (Romans 8:28)

Be blessed, Dear Ones. 

I Am A Naked Mole Rat

Here is a current photo of me.



I haven't left the house in two weeks, and the weather has been cold and snowy. I am pale, my eyes are squinty, and all's we do is watch YouTube and Disney+ in the afternoons. I'm only secure enough to share this because I average zero views on my blogs. I just write open letters to nobody.

I have heard rumblings about protests being organized against the quarantine orders now. I predicted that this would not happen. It is good that it is. This means that people are becoming aware of their status. Do you remember when I talked about Karl Marx, the Bourgeoisie (property owners), and the Proletariat (workers)?  The only way he says that any change can come to society is if the Proletariat become aware of the system. The fancy way he called it was "class consciousness." Maybe, just maybe, things will change for the better from this, instead of how the conspiracy theories say it will go.

Nothing much happened this week. I think I offended a lot of people. I do that often. So, now I have been thinking about relationships. Nobody gets them right.

I am usually un- apologetically how I am. I do not offer reasons for why I don't do stuff... like, if I don't feel like showing up at your party, I'll just say "No, I can't make it." Explanations are for people who can't own their decisions. (Opinion, not fact.) I call stuff like that excuses. I have a friend who gets annoyed at this. She actually came at me a number of YEARS ago and said "I want to know why you don't come around. You need to tell me why you can't make it." It was a whole thing between us, but she stuck around and so did I. She bugs me so bad sometimes... and I couldn't live life without her. I still don't say why, when she invites me places. You wanna know what she does? She says "Oh, darn. I'll miss you. Why won't you be there?"

I think we are all built with these internal, "the way I am" kind of mechanisms. Sometimes we do not like the way we behave, and strive to do better. We choose to shift the actions we take in order to fit in better, and we know we've done well when people accept us, or approve of us. Erving Goffman talked about this. It is called Dramaturgy. Click the link to read more and get smarter!

(https://www.thoughtco.com/goffmans-front-stage-and-back-stage-behavior-4087971)

I like me. It took a lot of years of therapy to realize this. I also know that I am too much of the things I should be less of, and not enough of the things I should be more of. I have friends who are brave enough to call bullshit on me. I have others who (maybe?) think that I can't handle the truth. Here's how it is, though.

I am kind.

I am thoughtful. 

I do not say mean things on purpose. 

I don't even know they sound mean when I say them.

I love deeply. 

I am loyal, and faithful. 

I am honest because I believe everyone deserves honesty.

That last one is hard to swallow. I want to share my opinions when I have a strong one because... I care about you enough to even be thinking about what you're doing.

 I wish for the same. Even if my feelings get hurt, even if I think its none of your business, even if you behave like a total ass hat and I have to tell you how to do it better next time. You deserve to know when you've hurt my feelings, and how to avoid that next time.

I deserve to know when I've done that to you. 

Yesterday while I was laying around all sexy like that mole rat picture, we watched Lilo and Stitch. I really love that movie. Do you know that part where Stitch eats Lilo's cake? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoyvZuZXDDw) This is only one example of how Lilo helped Stitch learn to be better. There was no format to how she did this. She simply expressed what she was feeling. She did the best she knew how to do, because the success of her relationship with Stitch depended on speaking up. 

I don't even know how I'd respond if you ate my cake.

Lilo wasn't afraid to tell Stitch how to behave properly. And, in the meantime, teaching Stitch about proper behavior helped Lilo too. (She just couldn't get it together, no matter how well meaning and sincere she was...) 

Proverbs 27:17 says "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." 

Lets not shy away from sharpening, nor from being sharpened. Be blessed, Dear Ones. 

Who am I?

In my most favorite topic to talk about (Sociology, duh!) there is a Social Psychological concept about contributing to the world around us. A lot of theories overlap each other in this subject, but I have been thinking about this because of the concern over suicide rates increasing from the Covid 19 Quarantine. One way I enjoy practicing my education is to draw lines between the secular belief systems of sociology and my faith. I believe that God has designed us with intrinsic needs. These are the patterns that sociologists observe in the world around them. We like to find problems, and offer solutions. This is right, and good. But I also believe that the solutions we come up with will not truly heal the brokenness we see unless we offer up the solution of Christ. My question is always "How would Jesus offer to fix this? What would Jesus say about this?"

It seems like others are thinking about contributing and identity too, since many sermons I listen to throughout the week have been addressing the topic of IDENTITY.  Or, specifically, our identity in Christ. We want to know WHO we are, and this is often tied to WHAT WE DO.  

What we do (or if we feel successful at it) is tied to socially constructed goal posts: socio-economic status, volunteer contributions, marital status, sexual identity, home ownership... the kind of car we drive, race/ethnicity... the list could be endless, because it really depends on the culture we have grown up in! Success might be something we call subjective. It depends on what the individual believes about it. 

My very favorite of all the old dead sociology dudes (Emile Durkheim) wrote a whole book about suicide. He discusses reasons a person might try to take their own life. One of the reasons is from feeling disconnected from society. The fancy word for this is anomie. When one does not know what role they hold, or feel like a part of the structure of society, they will become depressed, anxious, and possibly suicidal. 

Being in quarantine, possibly without work or income, and maybe without a community surrounding you can lead to feeling like this. Many are probably questioning their contribution. There are those now who have been deemed essential and those who are non-essential. (Look up labeling theory if you wanna have more sociology fun!)

I have struggled with these thought patterns too. Will I get to where I want to be if I am stuck at home doing nothing? How will I be able to obey the call that Jesus has on my life if I do not have opportunity? Will the Lord still keep his promises to me through this? Did I hear him wrong? Perhaps the dreams I have been chasing were all wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have been wasting all this time. Is God who he says he is? 

It is a downward spiral, when we lose sight of the truth. The truth is that where I am, what I am doing, will not change God. My identity rests in my unchanging Savior. Not in what I accomplish in my day... my week. My life. He makes me good enough. He makes me right enough. And so, what I do cannot change God. What I do cannot change my worth. I am already worth the life of GOD. The beginning and the end, the living word, stepped into flesh and purchased my life with his own. Perfection came for me. That was my price, and that was the price paid. When Jesus bought me on the cross, I became worth perfection. 

Even if I forget. Even if I don't do perfect things. Even if I am mean and negative and spiteful. 

God is good, even if I do not believe it. 

I am redeemed, and made righteous, even if I do not believe I am. 

God's capacity to work wonders is not contingent on the amount of faith I possess.

Take this truth to the ones who don't know. They need to know. We must not forget who we are, and learn to untie the truth of that to what we do. After all, while we were still sinners Christ came for us. We have been saved by grace, not by works, so that nobody can boast. 

This is who I am. 

This is who you are. 

Nature doesn't know

This week we planted seeds. We planted tomato seeds, and squash seeds, and cucumber seeds. We planted basil. We brought our Hosta pots out of hibernation and gave them water and sunshine. The chicken coop got mucked, and swept. I brushed the cobwebs off of the ceiling, and cleaned the nesting boxes. The hens stood outside, clucking at me, waiting for each shovel of old, rotting hay I threw out of the coop door, and then they scratched and pecked like chickens do. The bugs have begun to wake up, so we sprayed pest control along the perimeter of our house. We dug a hole in the duck pen for them to have a big pond. They were so excited when they saw us making something for them. And when they saw us bring the hose over they quacked their happy, thankful quacks. Then they jumped in the deep water and their ducky feet paddled while they floated.

We also found out that online school will be extended until the 30th, but maybe longer. I got an email that there is an Albuterol shortage. Mimi has asthma, and needs this medication. Positive tests for Coronavirus have surpassed one million. The daughter of someone that Peter works with has been exposed to the virus. Suddenly the ramifications of this illness are non longer abstract and distant, but in the very place we live, work, and play. Our lives are changing, and we are getting used to the new way of living. There doesn't seem to be an end to the decline of society. Resignation to isolation is setting in.

I am learning from nature. The bulbs in my yard are sprouting out of the earth. My chickens and ducks have begun to lay their eggs in copious amounts. The seeds we handled carefully, and covered lovingly with dirt are sprouting, along with the promise of food grown from our own labors. My ducks splash and play in the water they were created to adore.

Nature does not know that earth is supposedly falling apart. 

Nature does not doubt its creator. 

Nature does not fear. 

Psalm 104 tells of the provision of our Shepherd.

He set the earth on its foundations, that it should never be moved. 

He gives drink to the beasts of the field. 

He causes grass to grow, and water the trees for the birds to dwell and sing. 

He marks the seasons with the moon. 

And still, they look to God to give them food in due season. 

They gather it when it is given, and surrender to the will of The One they trust when it is withheld. 

I accept this lesson. I am choosing to trust the wisdom of God in these moments of bad news. I rejoice in the Lord, and I believe that he will send forth his Spirit, and he will renew the face of the ground.

Attitudes in Isolation

I am tired of Coronavirus Conversations. They seem to be the only things that anyone has to talk about anymore. Unfortunately, many of the information people are discussing are the exaggerated reports the media presents.

Many statistics are lacking in important details. We are told how many died, we are told how many have been tested positive, but we are not made aware by charts and graphs of how many had underlying issues? How many tested positive were sent home and recovered just fine? How many do not even know they had it? Or, had it and stayed home with no testing whatsoever?

Now we're told that anyone who contracts the virus has decreased lung function and will probably die sooner. There is not enough information to present this as fact. Lung tissue regenerates after a smoker quits smoking. Why are we not presuming this is the case for the virus as well? Where are the peer reviewed, scientific articles demonstrating the claims in the media?

I caution you, if you read the new information, take it with a grain of salt. There is not enough time or energy yet devoted to proving these claims. Think with a mind directed by logic, not with one directed by fear.

So, now most of us are under stay at home orders. We must only leave if we have essential business. (Beer and wine, anyone?) For about two weeks now I have been thinking about how our walk with the Lord can feel invalidated when nobody is around to see.

We spend so much time in bible studies and church services "spurring one another on to love and good deeds" and talking about producing fruit. James even says "faith without action is dead." So, we are stuck at home, seemingly rendered fruitless.

For me, at least, I tend to think that there is no action to take, when we are at home going about our own personal business. The things we do, like cooking, cleaning, crafting, organizing, drinking our drinks... are not the things of the kingdom... right?

Well, sort of. It can be easy to claim "Whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the Lord Jesus..." (1 Cor. 10:31) But developing fruit is less about the tangible, touchable daily things. While these are important, they are not the GOAL.

You see, the fruit that the Lord is asking us to develop is not to reach completion in our to do lists. We are not checking boxes. The fruit that the Lord is asking from us is a heart condition. Attitude and perspective. God wants to see our hearts changed. This is where "doing unto the Lord" becomes worship, instead of work.

Galatians 5:22 lists these attitudes of the heart. We know them as the Fruit of the Spirit. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  These attitudes are still relevant, even when we are alone. They do not only apply to our public behavior. They apply to our being. Our spirit person still exists, even when nobody is looking. Are you nurturing your spirit? Are you quenching the thirst of your soul even though you must be isolated right now?

When we struggle is when we have opportunity to grow. We see in our struggles where our great weaknesses are. This does not need to be a time of confusion and doubt. I have practiced making this a time of self reflection and seeking of clarity.

Philippians 4:8 says "Whatever is noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable... if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things." We shift our minds, from the fear inducing accounts of the world, and think on the things of Christ. 

We do not conform to the world's ideas, but renew our minds. 

What are things that I miss during quarantine? What are the things that I am relieved to be taking a break from? Should I continue in the activities that I am grateful to be freed from? What are the thoughts of my flesh that are invading my peace? What are the prevalent attitudes of my heart that are robbing me of my joy? I must work on this in the struggle, not in the ease. Then it will become habit, by choosing my thoughts moment after moment, after moment.

Is it easy? No. But it comes from waking each day with a resolve to walk in proper attitude.

When Coronavirus passes, and we step into a new society, with different struggles than before this happened, we want our minds to be prepared for action (1 Peter 1:13). I can't think of a better opportunity to work on this than forced isolation.

Be well, my Friends.

Are You Happy?

      I guess this Stupid Virus has made it difficult for me to live my day to day life. Shucks. School is cancelled until 4-20. If school actually starts meeting on that day, I can tell you more parents than ever are going to be remembering Bob. 

      Hey, listen. I really like my children. Love them, even! But it can be a lot tryna be together, in quarantine for a whole month. Yesterday, my poor boy asked if we could go somewhere. When I told him all the somewhere places we would go are closed until further notice, he sighed and said "Well, can we just get in the car and drive around?" 

      We were supposed to go to the coolest zoo ever next week, but it got shut down until the virus passes. I offered to buy everyone an animal costume and lock them in cages but they didn't like my new plan. I even told them I'd throw food at them. The 13 Year Old said she was game for that if she could be the zoo keeper. Everyone else just gave me the "you're stupid" look. 

      So, now I am in full mom mode, and my kids are doing their best to play together and help maintain order. Today we baked cranberry muffins, and blueberry bread. We went on Amazon and ordered some fuzzy coloring posters, new puzzles and sparkly craft paper. (Who doesn't need more sparkles in their life?) We watched clips on YouTube from Napoleon Dynamite. (My feeble attempt at convincing them they're missing out on life by refusing to watch this movie with me.) At some point YouTube decided we needed some suggestions, and offered us an 11 year old channel called "Great Depression Cooking" in which our new friend Clara shows us how to cook food from the Depression era. While she is cooking she tells us old stories from her childhood memories. 

      Her stories are laced with vocabulary like "It wasn't much, but we were happy." and "We didn't have the fancy stuff, but we had what we needed." 

      Oh, for the joy of doing without. Jesus, create in us hearts of contentment and willingness to live in the circumstances you grant us... for the simple pleasure of being right where you want us to be. 

      My favorite passage from scripture is Hebrews 11 and 12. The writer of this book lists the incredible people who persevered in faith, and yet did not take hold of any earthly reward. The purpose of living through difficulty is to refine us; to make us mature and complete (James 1:4). We can walk through uncertain times because we know what God promises us if we persevere: a crown of life (James 1:12). 

      Am I implying that we are under persecution like our ancestors in faith? No... but I feel like I am struggling. I feel like I am being refined. Besides, Hebrews 11:39-40 says "They were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised. God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect." We are part of a long faith legacy. We have been passed the torch, and urged to run. Our sanctification plays a part in the kingdom story... in  God's story. 

      So, here I am, learning the secret of contentment (Philippians 4:11). It is easy to be content when I have all the fancy things. I must choose contentment when I do not have convenience and fun to distract me. If I allow the author and perfecter of my faith to build my character, I will experience life on this side of eternity more fully. Yes, please! 

      And so, since we have examples to follow, lets do the same. Let us throw off our chains, and let us fix our eyes on Christ, who "for the joy set before him" endured the cup he was given. 

     Where is your joy? Have you set your eyes on the promises of God? I assure you, Dear Ones, there is a hope and future! Fix your eyes on the blessing of the struggle. 

A Sociologist's Perspective on Covid-19

I went to Sam’s Club yesterday for a regular grocery shopping trip. I go once a week, because there are seven of us in the household. Don’t ask me to stock up on two week’s worth of groceries all at once. I. Don’t. Have. Room.

There was no rice on the shelf. It was gone. I desperately needed rice. I’m a weight lifter and a macro-nutrient counter. Rice is a staple. There is no negotiating rice. I’ll be damned if this stupid virus is going to make it difficult for me to simply live my day to day life. I mean, I’ve already resigned myself to cutting flat sheets into squares for washable ass wipes.

As I was lamenting the rice shortage of 2020 at house church, my friend made note of it, and texted today that there was now rice on the Sam’s Club shelves. After pumping out my upper body I went to the store, ‘cause rice...

I’ve been educated about both sides of this virus. Be worried, its unknown… don’t be worried, the flu is worse.  I am a researcher, after all. I am tired of hearing about it. I might have given in to the shopping frenzy a little. My 50 pound rice bag trophy inspired me to buy the last bag of potatoes in the bin. I might NEED those potatoes! (I’ll bet they only bring out one bag at a time. Crap. I got tricked into buying something I didn’t need!)

Here’s the deal, though. Nobody is talking about the social reasons this virus could be dangerous. I am a sociologist. I am trained in the scientific method. I can’t employ this for the sake of this article because there isn’t enough research out there yet. Also, I might be a teensy bit apathetic about proving my points.  Plus, I’m in the mood to channel my old dead sociologist friend Karl Marx. He was more of a prophet than a scientist. His predictions based on observation are relevant to our society today. Observation and speculation are good ways to begin researching a phenomenon. I am speculating, I am rambling, I am simply thinking out loud. If you’re into it, read on…

There was absolute panic in the grocery store. I could feel it permeating the air. A side note: its interesting what people stock up on in case of emergency. 20 boxes of Eggo toaster waffles, anyone? Me, I bought broccoli. I skipped the dog food. If we do end up quarantined and starving, I might eat them anyways. I wonder why we are being told to crowd ourselves into small spaces to “prepare for the worst” if the whole point of avoiding sickness is to stay out of crowds?  I wonder if creating panic  is the point of the pandemic? Perhaps we are meant to feel desperate and afraid.

My first speculation (dare I call it a hypothesis?):  Fear keeps people under control. I don’t think people are fearful of getting sick. They are fearful of doing without. That is why telling folks to stock up on necessities is effective. We will spend all of our money at once, and be more dependent on the economy to provide for our perceived needs.

People are getting more creative at not spending money. This virus has caused an economy boost. Whoever owns the means of production for toilet paper is pretty happy with their stocks right now. (Somebody else who likes numbers, go find out if Charmin’ stock went up. Look up Eggo's stock, too. Leave a comment with the stats!)

My second speculation (hypothesis, anyone?): Wait for the economy crash. Nobody has any money left after their Eggo waffle shopping spree.  People will be broke, stressed out, and bored. All of us regular citizens (if you like fancy words, Marx called us the “proletariat”) will be working overtime, building our savings back up, and incapable of taking time off. Who benefits from this? Well, it’s the property owners (bourgeoisie).  They make money off of our panic. They benefit by creating a situation that requires us to work more. This makes us less independent and more controllable.

I had to pee so bad in the grocery store, but I was afraid to use the restroom. No, not because of germs. Are you kidding me? There’s SOAP in the bathroom. I really wanted to wash my hands too. But, if I left my cart, someone might have taken my rice. Or my last bag of potatoes. After all, I had the LAST ONE! Google Marx’s thoughts on commodity, if you want to know more!

My third and final HYPOTHESIS (I just went for it, that time.): We don’t trust each other. Divide and conquer. When the social classes begin to see that we are being oppressed and used by the wealthy we become a risk to the functionality of the system. We are more likely to resist and protest the way things are. Scarcity has been cultivated, and now we are working against one another for our own well being, instead of the well being of our fellow proletariat.

 Look up the video about the folks fighting over toilet paper. Come on ya’ll, she just wanted ONE PACK.

Okay, great. I feel better getting my thoughts out in the open. Since everyone was waiting with baited breath to hear what I think, I’m sure you feel better too. Here's the deal: be careful. I mean that in all senses. Wash your hands. Be smart. Buy what you need to be secure, just in case. But don’t forget what we’re dealing with here. There are things happening that require more depth of thought, and insight. We need to employ more intention in our actions. Let’s tweak our perspectives and try to see through a broader lens, than that of fear.

                Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go admire my giant rice bag trophy. And also, eat some.