Bikes and Bubbles

So, I've been on this blog 5 times trying to update you all on our lives... I actually have a post written, and probably finished, but I never edited it, or published it. I don't know why. I do often struggle with feeling as if the un-excitement in my life is going to be completely boring to you... but I think I'm ready to be honest now. I actually learned a lesson. Or, rather, recognized the lesson I was supposed to learn...

Let me tell you something about me. I am selfish, greedy... sinful. I waver back and forth between being content with what the Lord has blessed me with, and (probably more often than not) wishing... begging... sobbing... whining.... for more, more, more. I expect the things that I've planned for to come to fruition, and when The Sovereign chooses something different for me it leaves me sullen and rather two-year-oldish. This is something that happens routinely, and I've recently happened into this behavior (again). I was busy looking for all of the things that I did not have, and trying very, very hard to ignore all of the blessings that have been heaped upon me.

Well, this weekend was a barbecue. It was a barbecue in an apartment complex that someone in our church has been working with. He and some others go every week to bring bikes to the children that live in these apartments. They take bicycle donations, (or bikes they have bought, secondhand) and go to the complex and fix the bikes, and give them to the children. By the time the next week comes, the bikes have been stolen, and they bring more to fix, and give. Give... give, give. These wonderful people give their time, money, talent... LOVE... it really rocks me to my very core, how much sacrifice it takes to be so faithful in ministry, and these examples... these saints don't even notice.

In any case... did I mention that the children (and families) they are serving are primarily refugees? And... anyways... the barbecue. They needed some volunteers to help with set up, or clean up, or to just bring food. Maybe to just show up... so I signed up. Once I had committed myself to being there of course I started making excuses. I had to bring my own kids. (How could I watch them AND help?) It was hot. (I AM 6 months pregnant... that couldn't be good for me.) I will be too tired to get the kiddos into bed afterwards, plus it will be past bed time. (We all need our rest, to stay healthy.) Peter is closing at work. (He NEEDS the car. I mean, its not safe to ride his bike in the dark, at midnight.) I could go on forever. But mostly, do you know what I allowed myself to do? I began insulting myself. I told myself a lie... "You are useless, and you are one person. Nobody will notice if you are not there, and you could just not go, and not be missed. You are better off not offending anyone by showing up and standing around." It was terrible. For a whole week I struggled with this, and finally sent the nasty April on her way... (I won't repeat the words I used, but I can say they weren't religious...) When the time came for me and the kids to load into the van I was very, very close to one of those panic attacks I may have mentioned before. We took some bubbles. ("What good are bubbles for a bunch of kids who probably don't even have food, or clothes?") And a couple bags of chips. ("My lone contribution... just so people like me could feel useful.") It was a terrifying 15 minutes of driving.

When we got there the process of set up was just starting. I had parked in a different parking lot than the rest, and had arrived slightly early... (But I had a unique vantage point, and I will tell you that I have never wanted a camera more than at this very moment...) A large pickup truck overflowing with bikes pulled up. ALL of the kids... from 3 years old to teenager... stopped what they were doing. It was like a huge communal breath was being held. They all stood motionless... they looked like a herd of elk sniffing the air for danger... And then the primary person involved in this ministry came into the courtyard, and like one body they all ran towards him, and stopped. They were quiet, and still... anticipating... waiting. It felt as if there was some sort of electricity moving through them all. I swear that at that moment I was transported to when Jesus walked this earth and said "let the children come to me"... And I realized that to some, we Christians are the only Jesus anyone will ever know. I've heard many people say that, but to actually see it was... I was speechless, and still lack words to describe the feeling I had. At this moment there are tears pouring down my face.

Someone said "WHERE'S THE BIKES!!!" and he teased them and smiled and said "What bikes? I don't know what you're talking about..." It was precious. By the time the other folks had finished unloading EVERYTHING they needed (tables, chairs, bikes, food, etc...) I had managed to unload my bubbles and a few other minor things... So much for the pregnant whale helping... And I opened the bin that held the things I brought to share and gave some bubbles to my kids, that way it would attract the attention of the rest of the sweet babies to what I had. Oh, my... I have never seen a crowd form so fast, and I have never seen so many desperate faces longing for something as silly as bubbles... and the great many pairs of dirty hands grabbing at sidewalk chalk... skip-its... and even a small plastic bowling set... even some parents came and very nearly begged me to give them the first container. Just so that their baby could have this privilege. I mean, these are things that I feel like my children deserve... these are things that I feel obligated to purchase for them every summer. It wouldn't be summer without sidewalk chalk and bubbles.... but these kids didn't have them.  And they were desperate for them. Some of them were wearing clothes that were 2 sizes too small, and I can't even imagine that the apartments they were living in were "up to code." My horrible attitude was slapped right out of me... Will it come back? Oh yes... it will. It is in my nature. The nature I, and all the rest of us are trying to rid ourselves of...

I think the lesson I learned is fairly obvious, and somewhat elementary. But I suppose sometimes even those of us "mature" (HA!) Little Christs need to be reminded of it. And with that, I will leave you with one of my very favorite bible verses. It comes from the book of Acts, chapter 3, verses 1-10. Maybe I've shared this particular passage before... its important to me, because of my struggle with feeling inferior, and incapable. I am "only" a stay at home mom... my worth in this world is not great, and I am often looked down upon because of my low position... I feel like I am in the way when I go places, and it is difficult for me to accept that I can't get everything on my to-do list done in one day. Above all of that, despite the job that my husband works (sometimes a great many hours) we are still well below the poverty guidelines that the government has set. When my heart is right, I don't EVER think that I am missing out... but when I forget that I've been bought at the greatest price that could ever be set, I do indeed feel the "poverty." So... here is the passage.... slightly paraphrased.  "One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer. A man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John, Then Peter said "Look at us!" (I can imagine the shame this man must have felt... to be incapable of looking at the people he was begging from.) So the man did as they said, expecting to get something. Then Peter said "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!" Then Peter helped him up, and the man's feet and ankles became strong, and he went with them into the temple courts, walking, and jumping, and praising God!" This man, too ashamed to even look at the people walking past him, began to jump, and shout, and praise God! He was no longer ashamed... and so, I have Jesus... and I can give Jesus to anybody who is lacking this gift. I don't have any reason to be ashamed, or to feel inferior. If I can bring the love of my Christ to somebody who has none... well, then, I don't need silver, or gold... sometimes bikes and bubbles is all it takes.

Thanksgiving!

This week is my very favorite holiday... Thanksgiving! And we get to celebrate a birthday too! Miss Delilah is turning 4! It was never hard for me to see Sarah getting big, and it hasn't been difficult for me to watch Simon and Stephen grow, but that little Delilah makes me cry every time she makes a mile stone! We have some fun things planned for her birthday. A tradition we have for birthdays is that the special person gets to pick any restaurant they want. Lilah picked CiCi's, an all you can eat pizza buffet. We are glad she picked that... its SUPER cheap. (We can all eat there for less than $20.00) and of course SUPER yummy! And of course I will make cupcakes. Delilah is totally into Care Bears... so I am going to make her some colorful Care Bear Cupcakes!

Thanksgiving this year has proven to be a little bit of a disappointment. I love cooking, and the more people I can feed the better! But since we are new here, it will just be the McClure crew. We really prayed and prayed for something to come out of the woodwork, since our own efforts seemed to be fruitless, but the answer God gave us was "Nope. Its just you guys this year." So, we have a little tiny feast planned, and this year all the girls of the house are going to be cooking. Sarah created her own type of coffee cake, and she will be making that this year. Delilah is going to make our traditional "Cranberry Fluff." Instead of a turkey we are going to make Rosemary Chicken... it will be quiet and fun. For school, instead of turkey crafts, we are doing porcupine crafts! We are learning about Gratefulness... and part of the lessons are "Gratefulness in Nature." We learned all about the humble porcupine, and how, even though it doesn't have much going for it, it still stands up and sings... "YUM-O-EE-UM!!" So we are practicing being thankful like the porcupine (Choosing to be happy with the things that we have.) and I have four little porcupines running around my house singing at the top of their lungs!

I suppose a natural segue would be to move on to the things that I am thankful for... but I'm not going to lie to you. I have to think really hard about what I have to be happy about. (I count my children and sweet, selfless husband every day... what I am referring to is my life circumstances.) Its been just about a year since we made the choice to pack up and leave our Comfortable California. In mid February we will have been in Beautiful Colorado for a year! It started out as an adventure, and we were all so optimistic about the future. We were going to conquer this place in Jesus' name and the powers of evil would cower in fear! Ha! Here is what I learned.

"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) And I am so glad that even though we came here with a plan, the Lord's hand has been directing our lives, without fail. Even now, despite the fact that we have come through incredible difficulty, and experienced some very deep, very private, indescribable pain, I know that we have taken the exact steps that the Sovereign has called us to. Even having that knowledge, it is hard to be thankful when it seems that you have been broken down to nothing. There is so much that we have been through I think it would take too much time to share... but the short story is that we gave ourselves to Jesus, we committed our family and ourselves to the work of the Lord, and nothing he could ask would ever be too much for us to give. There is no other reason at all why we would continue on this journey except for the sake of the call. And in order to fulfill Savior's plan for our lives here is Colorado, it was necessary for him to burn away all the filth, and strip us down to nothing. Why? Because now we can SHINE!

We were here all this time, ready to do everything he asked of us, and all this time we have been waiting! And all this time, while I was feeling like a failure for not acting, He was working in the hearts of these wonderful people that live around us. One day, some very, very polite little boys knocked on our door and said "Umm... our friend's mom lives upstairs and she said you might have a bike pump we can use?" and the next week those same little boys came, and brought a friend... and then the next time it was some more sweeties... And then do you know what happened? We were called. The Lord spoke. (But I'm not sharing yet! :-b) We could really use your prayers as the next chapter in our life here begins.

So, to end my little post, another Proverb, from 14:26: "He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." This thanksgiving we will definitely not be naming such things as toys and financial gain on our thanksgiving tree... we have learned a valuable lesson, and we are thankful for gaining a fortress, a refuge... and we can now consider it PURE JOY when we face trials of every kind! Our faith has been tested, we have persevered, and one day we will be mature and complete, not lacking ANYTHING! (James 1:2)

YUM-O-EE-UM!

They are all "sleeping!"

Oh, my. I can't even remember the last time I had a chance to breathe between 6:30 AM and 9:00 PM... Our lives have taken on a certain chaos. After a long time "renting" a hotel room and a summer of unemployment, and finding a 3 bedroom apartment far beyond what our budget can afford Peter had to find a second job. He is now a special education aid during the day, and a chik-file employee by night. The goal is for him to move into management in fast food and quit his job as a para but for now we are running, running, running. (And our budget is still stretched TIGHT!) We continue to wait, like clay waiting for the artist to complete the work, for the Lord to move us in a specific direction. We came to Beautiful Colorado with our plan, knowing that God may change us. And change he did. We are simply waiting, watching, and learning.

Sarah has also started Kindergarten! I am incredibly blessed to be able to take on her education myself. (Though for two weeks since we've started I've questioned my sanity to take on such a monumental task!) I am amazed at how much she already knows, and how much she has soaked up since I started teaching her! (She can recognize the spelling of numbers 1-4, and match them to the numbers... is doing basic addition and subtraction with both groups of objects and the numbers, has learned about extreme weather conditions and knows about how thunder and lightning is "made." She also uses words like "mischief" and "meteorologist.") It has been exhausting and super fun!

Delilah and Simon are struggling with the change, but I think that it will ultimately result in a positive change... Lilah is showing more responsibility, trying to help with her little brothers. I tell her that she is the oldest one when Sarah is doing school, so she needs to be responsible and help them to follow the rules. (If you know Delilah, you know that she is constantly looking for trouble, and fun, fun, fun. Consequences don't seem to spur her toward behaving...) She does try to help, and has begun to wash the breakfast dishes and comb her own hair in the morning. Simon is typical "just go with it" Simon...

Stephen points at things that he wants, says "all done" in both words and baby sign. He also says "Mama" "Ow!" and "Lilah." He growls like a lion, and is going to start walking very, very soon! I am taking him off of his bottle (he gets a big boy cup once a day.)

So now, its off to the races once again!

In the beginning...

Okay. So. Someone told me just the other day "I realized I don't actually know what it is exactly you're doing..." and I realized that she's probably not the only one. I will elaborate. (Do I actually know what we are doing?) Hopefully without boring you all. Its not such an exciting story...

To begin with, we are very non-traditional in our beliefs. We believe in reaching people on their level. Instead of expecting them to come to us, we will go to them. On the street corners, in the parks, in their homes. And in our experience we've seen that people respond much better when a relationship is established BEFORE sharing the gospel. They also respond better when they are invited into our home. Where we (people) live is very personal, and when someone comes into the place that is very private, it establishes a bond, and sends the message that they are important, and that they are special in some way...

We also feel the beating hearts of the more crime infested areas. I don't know if we are supposed to be living there, but we love the people very, very much in those areas. Jesus didn't come to save the righteous. He came for the lost, and we want to be living among the lost... among the dirty and the wretched. Of course, all people who do not know Christ are in need of His saving blood... but sometimes it seems that the people who are marked as throw-aways are ignored, and feared. Sometimes the need for Christians to be living in these places is greater, because nobody is willing to do so. We are willing.

Sometime last year we signed a lease in Marin City. It was a horrendously looooong process, and we began renting an apartment (at a low-income price, and then that price was discounted) for $1400.00 a month. The lease was for 9 months, and for 5 months we wondered what we were going to do when our lease was over and the price went up more. (Most of you know that Peter doesn't make much money. We were stretched at 1400.00 as it was.) Once we had 4 months left I said "What are we doing?!?!" and then we began to brain-storm.

Ever since I've known Peter he's wanted to move out of California, so of course this was an option. Except, Peter is still in school, and there was absolutely no way I just spent 3 years of my life living the seminary experience for nothing. We have also moved at least once a year, for the whole time we've been married. (7 years) I wasn't excited to move again, and I knew that another in-state move would only result in something temporary and more long term goals put on hold for "just one more move." We want to be somewhere long enough to establish relationships with people. So, we decided that we were going to jump in and GO! Our plan was to get here, (hopefully with a job waiting for Peter) and find a place to rent for a year while we researched the house buying process... then after a year to buy a home. We (I) researched the cost of living in each of the states that have campuses for Golden Gate, and also demographics, and statistics, and crime rates... so on and so forth. We narrowed it down to 2 states, and then emailed our "contacts." (I say contacts because it makes me feel important.) We were told to just come on over to Colorado, because workers are always needed.

Denver was where we wanted to be. It is culturally similar to California (Though there are some big differences too!) And there is a lot of crime and spiritual upheaval.

Once we decided that Denver Colorado was the place for us, we started applying for jobs. (Since we knew we were moving I had already begun packing before we were settled on a place to move to.) After a frustrating while, and no job interviews or responses I asked if we would go even if there was nothing. Our answer was "yes." We trusted that everything would be taken care of, in God's time. Not our own.

Two days before we left we got a phone call from some of our friends. Apparently there was a family in Greeley that was trying to rent their home. We needed a house, so we decided that we would go to Greeley. There were no job leads in the Denver area, so it was not an issue to move the search a bit more North. The day we arrived in Colorado Peter got a phone call from a school district near Denver. They wanted to interview him. So, he went. We didn't know that it was so far away from Greeley. As it turned out, the hiring process happened faster than it took for us to sign the lease on the house in Greeley (plus, Greeley=Podunk Colorado) so we are living in a hotel in Aurora, closer to where Peter works!

So, skipping a bunch of not so important details... we are here, living in a hotel room. We recently put a bid in on a really large house. There was a lot of potential in it, but our bid was turned down. Tomorrow we will go look at some town houses. They are cheaper, and have more square footage than the houses in our price range. We are planning to choose one and put in a bid. Hopefully we will get out of here soon! We are anxious to start ministry, and to start moving closer to our other goals!

Peter has 1 class left before he gets his degree. We are thinking about sending him back (Noooooooo!!!!!) to get a teaching credential. He cannot move up in the pay scale as an aid, and because of the size of our family, and because of the nature of our ministery we need more money! We will start homeschooling Sarah next school year. We will also begin to really, really advertise and establish our baking business. (This means getting permits to work out of our kitchen, or find a kitchen to use. I heard a rumor that some places rent them.) We also want to pay off all of our debt, (and stay out!) except for the house loan. We are also going to research and pray really, really hard about foster parenting, and possibly adopting. Even though all of this seems like a lot, I believe that the life we are living, and have been living, has prepared us for all of this. We can do all things through Christ! And this is all stuff that will help us to build onto the Lord's Kingdom! We will take one thing at a time... these are things that will take awhile! But please be praying for us to have wisdom, and to make good choices that will reflect our beliefs!

Go For It!

Yesterday we were feeling extra cooped up. It was a beautiful day to be out and doing something, so we got out for the afternoon and checked out the local Goodwill Store. We've driven past it several times and every time we do I say "That place is HUGE!" Its seriously ginormous! When we walked in it wasn't organized at all. Everything was thrown into large bins, piled to overflowing. The bins were semi orderly (As in, piles of clothing with more piles of clothing, and then everything else piled into other bins.) Toys were mixed up with toasters, and bread machines, and other random "trash." A lot of it was broken or had missing parts. The snob in me immediately thought "This is garbage and I want to leave! Forget touching it! Its dirty and GROSS!" But we did end up staying and after a few minutes (and I realized that they charged .99 a pound!) I started digging. I found some cute shirts for the kids, and Peter found some toys... and then, they began to take some of the bins away. We stood back and watched. Everyone stopped digging and stepped back. A few of them went to the bathroom, some of them wiped the sweat off of their brows... some of them even wore gloves... most of them mismatched. (Perhaps single gloves that they had found on days past at this particular store?) then they all lined up with the tips of their toes touching the tape used to line the bins up evenly. Once the bins were cleared out of the way, they brought new bins out. People began to scan the new loot... (Peter did too! We bought a play mat for Stephen, and a Bumbo! Do you know how much those cost at Target? ) and moved around to the place they most wanted to be. Tension in the air rose (You think I'm being funny...) and then, like a gunshot, someone shouted "GO FOR IT!" And there was commotion. People were throwing stuff around, they were racing around the bins... they were calling out to everyone which parts they needed... people were finding stuff for others and tossing it to them... it was one of the most incredible experiences of my life. A lady found a whole dress up set for Lilah and gave it to her... lacy gloves and a flower hat, and a feather boa... to match the purse I had found for her earlier. In this store people came together, and looked out for eachother. And I also realized that some of these people probably buy all of their things here. What I have taken for granted... new shoes, new pants... a new toy for my children fresh from the packaging... some people are unable to provide. It was a refreshing and an eye opening experience! Here are a couple of pictures of the kids showing off their new stuff!

We are here.

Today was an especially hard day. There was nothing exceptional that made it difficult... the morning happened just like usual. But then, THE PANCAKES. Yesterday we went grocery shopping. And I mean we really, really went grocery shopping. I had to buy everything. Meat, fruits, vegetables. (Can I just talk about the fruits and veggies here? They are terrible. I paid almost $2 for a pound of broccoli that was all wilty and sad looking... I never knew how great California produce was. Not to mention the freaking expensive sushi here.) So, anyways... I bought some gluten free pancake mix just for fun. Here in the hotel we are living at there is a "kitchen" with "pots and pans." Whatever. There's a stove. Microwave. And some ghetto melted plastic cooking spoons and some lame cookware. (Everyday is a challenge and a lesson in being thankful for my daily provisions... I'm a work in progress, what can I say?) It was a fiasco. Smoke, burnt pancakes, and Sarah saying "Daddy, does mommy even know how to cook pancakes?" It was because they were gluten free, and called for a NON-STICK skillet. In the end it was fine, but it just really, really annoyed me that something like yummy pancakes were so difficult to pull off. Next time I'm going to Denny's.

And, the kids were so whiny... we are still getting over a cold/flu thing... parenting is a challenge here in such a small, confined space. Its easy to get caught up in what we don't have... I constantly have to check my attitude, and then remind my babies about others. Lord, help me to not turn myself inward! Less of me... less of me!

We have found that renting a place out here is proving to be more difficult than we anticipated. I might be paranoid, but once folks hear that we have 4... count them 4! Small Ones they look down their noses at us. I've observed that there are actually a lot of large families out here in beautiful Colorado, but they tend to be in the lower income bracket, and renters don't really want to mess around with that. So, we are currently shopping for a house to buy. We have been talking about this for a long time, and planned to buy a house in the next year or so... our plans are just being accelerated, and we are excited that the Lord has blessed us with this opportunity NOW! This means that all of our other long-term goals are also going to happen faster than we planned. The low-income community is near Colfax, (the main street, that goes through Denver) so we are going to be looking in that area. We have driven through it several times, and the souls there are crying out. We are excited, excited, excited to meet them.

It snowed last night, while we were sleeping. I think that it has snowed about 3 or 4 times since we've been here. It is amazing... incredible... indescribable. I've seen snow before, but these times since moving here I am reminded, every time, of the gift of salvation. The turmoil of the clouds, the ugliness of the dead grass, the bone-chilling cold that permeates everything is wiped away... it becomes flawless and pure. There is beauty, and it is made new. And it all happens while I am sleeping.

This is my hope for the community that we are here to love. That they would know the peace, and the pure love of The Creator. The One who washes the earth clean with the rain. The One who covers the earth with snow. The One who makes the sun rise on a desolate world. The One who is responsible for the mountains, the stars, the ocean... He loves them! He loves THEM!

Are we there yet?!?

It has been ONE. LONG. WEEK. We began last week finishing up packing and cleaning... and on the Tuesday before we moved we had no place to go to, and no job. Then on Wednesday, while taking the car to the shop for an emergency fix Peter got a phone call from our good friend asking "Do you have a house yet?" As it turns out, someone from Greeley, Colorado had moved to Oakland and was having trouble renting his house. After a phone call or two we made arrangements for us to fill out the paperwork as soon as we got to the area. We left on Thursday hopefull and in good spirits. (But, still no job! Eeeek!)

We didn't do much stopping once we hit the road, we were going! At one point, on our first day, we stopped at Wal-Mart to get a roof top carrier for our car. (We were like the McSardine family riding along with all our stuff on our laps! Ha!) Then while Peter put it up and packed it up I put all of our lunch food in a cart. (Bread, crackers, lunch meat... etc.) While I was wheeling it across the parking lot the sudden feeling of being homeless and pushing our things along to nowhere in particular hit me... And Sarah also began to comlain about where she was eating, and how she was eating, and what she was eating, and how much she had... on and on and on! It was awful! Then I noticed a homeless man sitting on the corner of the street, holding a sign, that said "Homeless. Please Help." I was struck by the simple desperation of his cry... and turned to my Young Ones and pointed him out. I explained to them that even though we might not like what we have, we still have. The man on the corner didn't have any food or bed to look forward to, and that he didn't know when he would have anything like string cheese or buttery crackers. I then asked if they thought that since we had extra we might make him a lunch and take it to him? Of course they were excited to share, and I have not heard any more complaints (of that magnitude) since then.

I have been awed and humbled by the beauty of the landscape surrounding us in every moment of this drive. Who could I possibly be, that the Creator would make something as marvelous as Earth... mountains, desert, mesas, ocean... and still he loves ME! He became the atoning sacrifice so I wouldn't have to die. I must really be something special to him... Every day has been a new lesson in life for me. I have really been feeling the gentle (and sometimes painful!) chipping away of flesh... I am being refined. This move has challenged me to the core, and I am grateful to the Lord for pushing me onward, and for shaping my heart... for preparing me for His Great Purpose!

Today I think that Peter and I were both really struggling with being here, and still being nowhere. We took a day off from the road and rested. We visited The Garden of the Gods (another magnificent testimony to the awesomeness of our Savior) But at one point right after nap we were both really wrestling with ourselves... I was reminding myself that the Lord has gone before us, and that he has a plan for work and home... and then Peter's phone rang. It was a school in Aurora calling to schedule an interview! I almost choked, and almost cried, and almost laughed at the absurdity of it all... (Though it is an hour away from where we want to live...) Even though we know that Peter might be one of many interviewing for this job, it reminded us that everything will come to pass. I surrendered myself to Christ once again today...