Confident and Self Aware

 Let me introduce you to Crinkle. 

We call her Crinkle, Crinkie, Pancake Chicken, or Striped Baby. When she was a little baby chick she lived in the bathtub with her sisters in the main level bathroom of our house. We don't bathe in there, but we go in there a lot. Especially when chicken babies make an appearance. 

She would jump onto the rim of the tub any time a person went in there. Then she would jump onto our laps. She learned how to jump onto the palms of our hands if we held them out to her. We would bring her out to the living room and wrap her in a blanket and cuddle her until she fell asleep. 

When we had to put her and her sisters outside I would go out to feed them in the cold mornings and Crinkle would be the only one to brave the feeling of the cold snow on her feet to come and greet me. I would pick her up and stick her inside of my jacket and carry her around while I did my chores. Then I would take her back to the warm coop and set her inside so that she wouldn't have to trek back through the snow. 

When it is warm, she comes and says hello in chicken language. She follows us around expecting that we will drop a treat at some point. Even if we just sprinkle regular chicken food on the ground she calls her flock mates over and shows them the gift with flair and excitement. 

Crinkle is a pretty cool chick. She knows we will care for her. She expects this, and receives the things we give her, as well as the things we don't. 

She knows that we will come for her, and we will love her. She is "just" a chicken. But a well loved, well kept chicken. We treated all of her sisters the same in the beginning... holding them gently and hand feeding them. Its just that she responded to our care and has taken advantage of her knowledge of us. If I am simply a human capable of giving this kind of love to a chicken... how much more will Jesus supply all of my needs?

I want to be like Crinkle when I approach my Heavenly Father. These days, for some reason or another, I have been feeling as though I must earn the care and compassion that he showers on me simply because I am his daughter. He holds his hands out and I just have to come and rest in his presence. I just have to wait expectantly for the good gifts that he generously gives me. And trust him when he does not give me what I think he should. 

Matthew 6:25-34 tells us this! It encourages us to trust our Father who clothes the fields in beauty and feeds the sparrows who do no work to obtain their sustenance. I am cared for. I am safe, and I am loved. No earning or striving necessary. 

Be expectant, Dear Ones.

The power of friends

 Last night we got to visit a new hang out place with our friends. It is a brick fired pizza restaurant with self-service beer taps. 

So. Much. Fun. 

We are moving into a season of life where we will be surrounded by chaos. Homeschooling the kids, doing full time online degree work with Denver Seminary, and me working outside of the home most days... plus a handful of personal commitments. Last night felt a little bit like a farewell to our excessive free time. 

There was live music, and the artist did such a good job interacting with his audience. And a fabulous atmosphere of community. At some point the server sat at our table for his break, and then one of the owners did too! Ha! (Reason 823 for why I love Greeley.) 

There was a praying mantis that ended up on Peter's shirt. We didn't see it, but a lady at another table did. She came to warn us. 

We removed the bug, and it CAME BACK to crawl on our friend's shirt. The children that were playing alongside the patio came and rescued us and took it to the far away bushes. 

It was so restorative to find my way into a place of deep community. 

Does anyone else feel like they are in need of that? Our social lives have been in such a state of disruption. Every time I talk to someone they are wrestling with more and more struggle. 

Have you ever heard of the mind-body connection? It is a concept that suggests that our mental well being is affected by our physical health, and our physical health is affected by our mental health. If one is sick, the other is surely suffering as well. 

There is also social research (which I have also added to) that says that our relationships with those who surround us are intricately connected to our mental health. 

What this means is that relationships matter. Being in positive social situations, having friends, and enjoying our co-workers makes us healthier people. Being in negative social relationships makes us sicker. 

I don't know what you're going into now that Summer is wrapping up... but it seems important to remind you, friends, to fight for positivity in your life. Get rid of the the junk baggage and only carry the things that will make you better. Especially your friends! 

Stay social, Dear Ones. 

Hypothetical Fences

My dad was in Colorado visiting us last week. He helped us build a fence along the outer border of our property. I have been sensing a need to circle the wagons, and create a more private space. Who knows where society is headed? I am moving toward a greater amount of self-sufficiency by creating a homesteading space in what I have been given. I would like to grow my own food, both plant and animal. If you know me, you'll understand when I say that I just want to be prepared for when the zombies come. Surely this strong, solid fence will keep out all of the outside things that will keep my work from being fruitful. 

Sometimes it is easy to make a plan and take the steps necessary to complete the goal. Other times nothing makes sense, and the plan just doesn't come together. Today is one of those days. I am tired, and feeling defeated by the constant changing of life's tide. 

The fact of the matter is that no matter how solid we build the hypothetical fences of life, they will not stand a chance if we are not keeping step with what the Lord intends. At the very most, He will leave the 99 to retrieve the wayward sheep. At the very least we will experience dissonance until we realign ourselves with the Shepherd. Proverbs 19:21 confirms this. "Many are the plans in the mind of a person, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand." 

Maybe you gave up the ultimate education dream to answer the call of Christ. 

Maybe you are homeschooling your children even though you swore you'd never do that again. 

Maybe you are a woman challenging the norms and expectations of everyone else's religion. 

What is your maybe, Dear One? 

There is hope, and reassurance. Despite the maybes that we are walking in, we will find greater comfort in rooting ourselves in the truth of the Lord's love for us. He says "For I know the plans I have for you. Plans for your good. Plans to give you hope, and a future!" (Jeremiah 29:11) Even when we do not know how it will turn out, God does. The creator of the universe, the creator of the shifting seasons, has designed my life...your life... with purpose and adventure. There is a perfect balance of failure and success. And God knows. 

If we can walk in this, then maybe there would be less defeat and more celebration over being kept from a path that our feet should not be on. 

Be blessed, Dear Ones. 

 

Cognitive Dissonance

Would you all like to get a little nerdy with me? Great.

Have we ever talked about a concept called cognitive dissonance? It is when your actions don't line up with your beliefs. The result of doing something that doesn't fit with your morals or ethics is guilt... right?

In order to rectify this phenomenon and make ourselves more comfortable with our actions we have one of three choices.

1. We can change our beliefs by acquiring new information that supports the action.
2. We can change our actions to line up with our beliefs.
3. We can avoid thinking about the issue, thus decreasing the importance of resolving the conflict.


There is a passage in scripture that touches on this concept in a spiritual way. It is found in 1 Peter 2:11. It goes like this: "Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul." 

So, here's the breakdown, in the Greek translation.
 The literal meaning of the words for foreigners and exiles is: Stranger (paroikos) and Sojouorner (parepidemos).

A paroikos (stranger) is: one who dwells in a foreign country, but does not have a settled habitation.
A parepidemos (sojourner) is: a foreigner who has settled down among the native people.

Either way, we're foreigners here on earth. We are eternal citizens of heaven who have either settled a little bit, or not, in the temporal space of earth. Paul says "...as strangers and sojourners abstain from sinful desires..." 

So, here is where it gets interesting. Sinful desires in greek is a little different than the image that comes to mind when I am reading it in English. I think of immorality, like stealing or lying.

In the greek it is called "fleshly desires." Fleshly (sarkikos) Desires (epithumia).

Sarkikos (fleshly) is things that are temporal.
Epithumia (desires) is lust or longing.

So, don't long for temporal things.

As eternal beings living in a temporary place, don't set your hearts on temporal things. If you do this, it will wage war against your spirits. (Or, create dissonance in you!) 

I am a restless kind of gal, always looking for the next adventure. I want excitement. I also want security. I like having nice, fun things. Except for, what is it that I am setting my sights on? What am I striving for? Where do I place my worth? Why am I chasing the things I chase?

Achievement, success, abundance, adventure. These are worthy pursuits, as long as the purpose is worship. Am I chasing God, or am I chasing things? Am I seeking approval so that I can feel really good about me (such a fleeting goal) or am I seeking to show other beggars where to find the Living Water? (Such an eternal, worthy, life giving pursuit.)

The following verse sums up the entire reason for avoiding temporal longings. 1 Peter 2:12 says: "Live such good lives among the pagans that... they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us." 

And so, Dear Ones. What are you pursuing? The things that moth and rust destroy, or the imperishable treasures of heaven?

It Feels Like Breathing

Once upon a time, when I was a music minister (and a different person) I met an older woman who had been playing the piano for many, many years. I don't remember the exact amount of years, but I remember my response when she told me how long. "Wow. It must feel like breathing to you."

"Yes. It gives me life."

Today, when my first born baby asked me what I was going to blog about I said "The blog will come together, but the concept is doing something that feels like breathing to you." "Oh. That would be drawing, for me."

I replied "Its like, the thing that comes the most naturally. You don't have to think about it too hard."

"Drawing is hard." Said the child; "Drawing takes a lot of work."

And now I am thinking that sometimes the things that feel like breathing aren't always easy. Sometimes we just love doing it and we don't know why... but there is a stirring within us that causes us to continue in that trajectory. Maybe the word for this feeling is worship.

I have had several emotional moments this week, as I was doing the job I get paid to do. This. This feels like breathing to me. It is a silly way to feel about skilled labor... but I feel this. The thing I am sad to see go at the end of my work day, and the thing I look forward to at the beginning.

Can you find Pinkie Pie Pony Pez Dispenser in my belt, there? Ha!

I wash windows. I wash commercial business windows. There are a lot of really cool small business owners out there. If you don't shop local, you should.

 I wash residential windows. I meet a lot of really neat home owners. Sometimes it takes me a really, really long time to wash one window because I am so busy hanging out with a new friend. There are a lot of really lonely people out there. If you don't talk to your neighbors, you should.

I also disinfect businesses for Covid-19. That job makes me feel like a bad ass superhero. When I brought my equipment home for a couple of hours one day my boys reverently scooped up my goggles and breathing mask and said "You wear a gas mask for your job?!?"

I'm not just bragging about my work. Not everyone gets to have the best job ever... but I do think that if you examine your life you will find those things in your day that brings you to a place of feeling worth. A place of worship that is not church-like or religious.

Paul reminds us that whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we should do for the glory of God. All of our actions should transcend mindless doing. The purpose of our actions should serve to glorify God.

We were created to worship the Creator. So, happy worshiping, Dear Ones.

Instagram Moments

I am restless. Summer seems to do that to me. 

Driving down the road and seeing lots of "for sale" signs in the front yard.

Hot afternoons sipping pink wine in the shade, dreaming of alternate beginnings, endings, and in-betweens for my life. 

Lots of free time to work, play, and rest, all the while lamenting how there is "nothing to do" and exclaiming "what a boring day!" 

And, in the free time remembering other really exciting, monumental events that have happened in the past. They didn't all (or usually) happen in the Summer. But I usually remember them all in the Summer. 

Like, the time we moved to Colorado. 

That was an adventure. You'd think that living in uncertainty and being homeless for awhile would have cured me of craving excitement. 

And, I remember when I used to travel to Haiti twice a year. 

There was this one time we got stuck in some riots over there. And my flight got cancelled because of the unrest, and there were two "gangs" trying to take control of the intersection while we were trying to get back to the mission house. 

That was really an adventure. I miss Haiti a lot. I hope I get to go more. I hope to have more adventures over there. I hope to make more friends who will help me be a better person. 

I remember all of my children being born. I remember finally graduating from college. I remember my wedding day. I remember when I moved out of my parents house and began living on my own. 

These memories. My memories. The things that stand out in my life as being exceptional, exciting, and news worthy. The things I wanted to talk about because they were interesting. 

But, what about the boring days? What about the things that are routine, every day happenings? Social media doesn't always benefit people's perspectives, but one thing I appreciate about it is that we must shift the lens in which we view life... You tubers post "A day in my life" videos and spruce them up to look fun. A day at the farmer's market is artsy and cool. A day as a parent is aesthetic and organized. Caring for ones chickens and ducks is clean and delightful. (Not stinky at all.) If we could all approach our lives with this kind of narrative we could really jump into the mundane with fresh faces and full smiles. 

Will I remember all the moments spent discussing parenting strategies and finances with my husband? Will I notice the beautiful Egyptian Star flowers and old owl sign when I come home from work? Or will I be too lost in thought trying to come up with my own excitement...too lost in thought remembering the "glory days" of finding myself?

I think this kind of restless thinking comes from growing up hearing messages of greatness being preached. Discussions about slaying Goliaths, moving mountains, and fearlessly preaching in the city square. I want to focus my life on the details in between those victories. I want to remember that before Ruth bore the ancestor of the Messiah she was harvesting grain day in and day out, simply providing for her needs, and the needs of her Mother in law. I want to remember that years, many many years, passed between Paul's missionary journeys. He did much of his work just writing letters of encouragement. I want to remember that before David was known he was a small shepherd boy going about the business of tending sheep. Day, after day, after day. I think its the space in between the things we want to tell everyone that we should be living in. 

So, with that, I encourage you to stay boring, Dear Ones. 

Trigger Warning: Read At Your Own Risk

Hi. I had another, much nicer, way easier blog all written. It started like this: "Is anyone else tired of 2020?"

Anyone? Hands?

I then went on to talk about all the things that have happened in 5 short months. But there is only one thing I want to talk about.

George Floyd.

This is the most current name that represents many, many lives lost at the hands of the police. Google the words "Black lives lost to police brutality" and take a good, hard look at what comes up.

I am a sociologist. I spent a long time earning a degree that caused me deep, personal offense. I argued against the facts... words like "systemic racism" are not just made up things that have no backing. Real sociologists are real scientists, and we spend more time trying to prove ourselves wrong than we do trying to be right. Numbers don't lie.

Just because systemic racism exists doesn't make your hard work irrelevant. Don't make this about you. (Google "systemic racism" if you don't really know what this word means.) 

I would go to class, and come home, and cry, and cry, and cry. This world is not fair, and it doesn't make any sense. And I don't understand why anybody would be offended that many, many black men and women have died, and that there is a call to justice. A call to right the wrongs.

 I didn't suffocate anyone with my own hands... with my own knee. I didn't beat someone to death. I didn't chase anyone down and murder them because they looked suspicious.

Why do we want to use this argument when we are uncomfortable about the race conversation, but we always take responsibility for the death of Jesus? "I am responsible for his death. It might as well have been me hammering the nails into his hands and feet."

Listen. I am angry. People are dying, and they shouldn't be.

I am not pointing my fingers at you... but I do want to challenge you to think really hard about your place in life. It is hard to confront our own perspective because we tend to only see things one way, which is our way. Below is a video that changed my life forever. I have watched it many, many times, and I sob from the very first sentence. It is 5 minutes long. The first little girl does a drill with her family, so she know what to do when she is stopped by the police. I have never done that with my children. (This is just one of many ways our white privilege is reflected.) There are things I take for granted simply because I am white. There are things I will never even consider because I am white. Am I a bad, guilty person because of this? No. But I should be aware of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrqufuL6eD8

Challenge yourselves, Dear Ones. I will do the same.