See? I told you I would be back on. There's something about not being pregnant... or having a small baby to care for. Suddenly I get to sleep all the way through most nights, and I can take a few minutes for a cup of tea each day. My house doesn't look like a hurricane blew through it, and I can actually think through life in general. It also means I get to say what I'm thinking. So... my thoughts.
I can't actually remember when I decided that I was going to Haiti. (Only for 5 days... to me it feels like a huge lifetime commitment.) And I have made arrangements for someone I trust to take care of the kiddos while Peter is at work, and Peter has made arrangements to work for only a couple of days that week... The Lord has altered my way of thinking drastically. Sometimes you need to be shaken up a little bit. I like being comfortable. I like my current sleeping habits, I like that I own my house and don't need to pack my stuff every year anymore. I like warm showers, not being hungry. I like my bed... even just a year ago I was ready to do anything, and give up everything if that's what God wanted. Now... I have settled down and gotten complacent.
But maybe I just needed to take a break and catch my breath. You've read my blog, and you know what life was like. It was FUN... and we had a lot of ADVENTURES! This year we are getting ready. There is a secret thing we are headed toward this year that I can hardly wait to announce it... I was telling Sarah just a few months ago that we were waiting for God to say "go." Like a race. (Hebrews 12:1, after Paul tells of the faith of the past saints...) "Let us throw off EVERYTHING that hinders!" Just go read the rest! Oh, fine... I'll tell you! "And the sin that SO EASILY entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us! Let us FIX OUR EYES ON JESUS!" Have you ever read Hebrews? Its one of my favorites!
And she asked if we were on "get ready" or "get set." Ha. She is so sweet. We finally got a go... and I am so very excited! The reason why we finally got a go is because we were ready for it! My eyes were fixed on the "author and perfecter of my faith." Even just my committing to Haiti made me realize that there are people in the world who still have less. Much less. I cried when I found out that our plane was flying out of Denver at 1:30 AM... and when I heard that the shower is outside. And there's no hot water. And that we are staying in a dorm style mission house. These are things I don't want to give up for a blink... and things that they don't have EVER. But most of all I was upset because we are ONLY going for less than a week to help with orphans. Children without mothers and fathers. I wish I could bring them all home with me, because we have a big house, and lots and lots of love to give. I was upset because of my selfishness in resisting giving up things that aren't even actually needs.
So, here is some information about the country itself and those beautiful souls that reside there.
Haiti is a Caribbean country. It is actually in North America. The funny thing is when I was saying I wouldn't go to Haiti, my reason was that "It's on another continent. I would maybe go if it was in North America or South America..." Yeah. I thought it was in Africa. My geography is a little rusty. But its waaaay better than before my smartie pants daughter started school. She loves maps. So... you go to Miami Florida, and then fly over the (Atlantic) ocean past the Bahamas (South East?) and then land in Cap Haitien, at the very Northern tip of Haiti. That's where I'll be. I know its an extremely rough geographical description... but go look at a map. Its enough to get you started finding the place. You can look over this link to learn about the people my church is partnering with: http://www.newlifemissionhaiti.org/
The reason I thought it was in Africa is because of the African culture... and here's why. (A history lesson.) It started with Christopher Columbus. Then there was lots of killing and strife among the native people and the settlers... there was war happening between the Spanish and the Europeans, eventually leading to colonies being abandoned due to sickness and starvation and general upheaval. This is where the French moved in, and despite their colonies being destroyed multiple times by the Spanish, they resettled each time, eventually successfully. (1660, if any of you need a solid date.) So, from 1492, when Columbus sailed the ocean blue, until 1660, when the French ruled Haiti. (Now you'll never forget that important piece of history, thanks to my rhyming skills.) There was war. And another gem? 1751, earthquake and tsunami, killing hundreds. 1770, earthquake. Ok... I need to say at this point that I am skipping a ton of information in order to streamline this blog. This is all coming from Wikipedia, so you can go read the whole article if you need everything technical. I am headed toward a point, so I am trying not to make this a two parter.
Alright... where was I? Eventually these colonies, established in the Caribbean became very wealthy, due to Sugar, Cotton, Coffee, and Indigo. But, it wasn't due to the the settlers labors, it was because of the hard work of? Yep. Slaves. At one point in time, the number of slaves outnumbered that of the French, and because of the terrible treatment of the slaves they were constantly bringing in more from Africa... from many different tribes. Meaning that there were multiple languages and variations in religious beliefs. (But, always Voudou.) The settlers had to find a way to control their slaves, so they resorted to terrible punishments.
Revolution was inevitable, and it came in the year 1791. In 1804 after a lot of details I am skipping Haiti was established. They were in debt because of financial demands the French, British, and United States made (Because of "lost property.") Oh, if only the new Haiti could have placed a price on their suffering, their lives lost... in the quest for freedom. And if only they could have known where true freedom came from.
After this, there were laws put in place to prevent the white people from establishing any towns, and also an elimination of any inequality in skin color. All citizens of Haiti were to be referred to as black. That's not especially relevant, just interesting.
There is a long history of political struggle, and Haiti never really got itself going, so to speak. There were continued exports of Sugar and Cotton... but Haitians were typically employed as seasonal workers in Cuba, and there were not enough laborers home to work in their own country. When the Great Depression came along, their export prices dropped, resulting in violence. (Another fact? I just read a book with Sarah about World War II. The Great Depression was one reason Hitler was able to rise to power...I cried my way through a book designed for a 5th grader. Why is this world so terrible? And how are people capable of such evil?) So, now what I intended to be one blog is going to be two... or maybe three? Lets learn together.
Ok. Politics are really, really not my strength. I'm going to skip all of the details for now. But the fact is that there was war... and there is still fighting over democracy. People are still trying to gain control and take away the choices of the people. It is a country in need of peace.
And what have I even been talking about for the past couple of months? Where does all this come from? From Jesus! And what does most of the world believe? Children are our future... and guess what? I can't bring the Haitian children home with me... but I can love them while I am there! I can pour myself into them... pour Jesus into them, and maybe one day change will come for this precious country, because of the efforts of the saints who live in Haiti, and because of the efforts of the saints who can only leave their lives for a short time, or who can't go, but can give financially. Or who can cover those of us going with prayer... Another passage about running the race... About being poured out? Paul (An amazing guy. Can't wait to give him a hug... sit right next to him, hear his stories...) in writing to Timothy, says that one day people will find teachers who are just going to say what they want to hear. But, this is his charge to the believers.
"Keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge the duties of you ministry. For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time has come for my departure. I have fought the good fight, I have FINISHED THE RACE, I have KEPT THE FAITH!" (2 Timothy 4:5-7)
Saturday, January 3, 2015
Monday, November 24, 2014
GMO's And Other (Somewhat) Unrelated Topics
Ok. You guys are really lucky. I'm working on another post, and its not even December. Actually, I have a lot of thoughts here. Hopefully it will all make sense, because they are all rather unrelated to eachother. So, here goes.
Most of you know I'm a little bit of a weirdo when it comes to food. Call me a hippie. I blame it on my own personal health issues, and those of my sweet, hyperactive Sarah. If I am not extra careful, it makes me physically ill. So, I eat mostly vegetarian, preferably vegan... although I won't refuse a nice hunk of flesh every now and then. And seriously, who doesn't like cheese? So, maybe I don't do so well with the vegan thing. But I try really hard, because thats when I feel my best. And Sarah... When we finally took her to the doctor to get an official ADHD diagnoses we also considered getting her tested for tourettes. She had some pretty strange ticks. Eyes blinking, noise making, arms and legs twitching. If I'm not careful she gets ticks again, and they last awhile. So, we try to keep her as dairy free as possible, though I can admit that I also fail at keeping her away from that stuff. But additives, preservatives, artificial everything has been eliminated from our every day. Even when I bake I avoid all that crap. Exept for I also have a penchant for documentaries, and I'm working on one about GMO's... (Just so you know, a GMO is a Genetically Modified Organism... a living thing that has been altered from the very building block of its life to do something it could never do on its own. Goats that lactate spider silk protein... corn to produce a type of pesticide when eaten by a bug...)
Yeah. I'm going there. But only for a minute, and not to lecture you. Because I will be the first to admit that we've got a bunch of genetically altered food in our fridge. Remember the vegetarian thing? Yeah. A lot of fruits and veggies have been altered in a lab. The only way one can be guaranteed to have a completely GMO free product is to buy organic. I have heard many people tell me that its not more expensive to buy organic... but I know first hand that it is. So, when I buy organic food it has to be cheaper, if not the same as the "regular" stuff I get. Which rarely happens. And I've made peace with myself for that. Plus I have some opinions about organically grown stuff too... this isn't really a food blog. I just want ya'll to know what I've been up to, and in this case, GMO, organic, non-organic, non-GMO... I'm still learning. The point I'm trying to make is that these laboratories that are creating these seeds are becoming a threat to me. They scare me. Why? Because in the process of attempting to make a "more sustainable future" (I don't know... the verdict is still out on that one...) they are taking away my choice. If its not an organic food, then I can't be guaranteed that the product I'm buying is not altered. And you know what else? Every State is the U.S. that has tried to create policies requiring companies to label a GMO has been threatened with a law suit. Thats right. And it scares me, because it seems to me that its less about making a better future, and more about making money... gambling with my health, and not allowing me to make the best, most informed decision possible. I view these companies as oppressors, making my life more difficult. And, I am currently reading through Isaiah. Its a heavy book. Yeah. I've been busy. I've been working on this book for about 2 months, and have only reached Chapter 9... But this chapter is one of my favorites! Isaiah, written in the 700's B.C. has predicted the birth of Christ! Which some scholars THINK happened around 6-4 B.C. You do the math. It was predicted a really long time before it even happened.
Ok. My brain is kind of twisty. All of this stuff is connected in my head. I had a great convo with Peter about it on Saturday. It made sense to me, out loud. On paper? You'll have to let me know. So, Isaiah is talking to Jerusalem, because they have been involved in some pretty disobedient things. They are corrupt, and are coming upon judgement from God. Isaiah is just the messenger telling them what God says.But here's some good news, even just in Chapter 1. God says "I will turn my hand against you; I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove all your impurities. I will restore your judges as in the days of old, your counselors as at the beginning. AFTERWARD you will be called the City of Righteousness, the Faithful City. (1:25-26) Even after the destruction God will make them better. Jerusalem was also accused of these things, according to Chapter 5: Taking advantage of others, drunkenness, disregarding the consequences of sin, confusing moral standards, Pride, and Injustice. Sound like anyone you know? Hello America. And even though I know this is everywhere... in government, and in things even as small as our everyday lives... how small businesses are run and how people make their own personal choices, I can't help but draw a direct connection to the food I am eating with these sinful actions. We, as Americans, are making it okay for these companies to pretend to be God, and destroy the very things we were commissioned with protecting at the beginning of time. When I go to the store, I choose to be alright with GMO's, because I feel helpless to stop it. Sitting on my couch, watching a movie highlighting the "evils" of this practice, and near tears because "I can't do anything about it."
But in the middle of all of my feelings I read this, Isaiah 9:4... For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have SHATTERED the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Verse 6, just in time for Christmas: To us a child is born... he will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be NO END! Read chapter 9. I paraphrased and picked... read it all. Whatever has got you thinking, struggling, crying... feeling helpless and hopeless, the answer is Jesus. Maybe right now we are in the middle of our own sin, our flesh warring against our spirit... and worried about the choices more powerful people are making... but just like so, so long ago... they were waiting for Jesus, now we are too! And there is hope.
Which brings me to my next thought. Haiti. Sometimes its funny how God works. This documentary I am watching (Going on 4 days now. It takes me awhile to finish a movie. Blame it on a short attention span. I can do 20 minute increments.) lists a lot of the countries that have refused GMO seeds and food products. Remember when Haiti went through all those devastating natural disasters? A GMO seed lab sent a bunch of seeds to them, so that they could rebuild. You know what the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere did? They burned the seeds. Those that did plant them ended up ripping them out of the ground, because they looked sickly and "unnatural." And do you know what else? You can't use seeds from a GMO plant the following year. You have to buy them all over again. Helpful. That was a little random. I'm still stuck on lab created food. Moving on, April... you made your point with that. I think I just wanted you to know how it was connected in my head. The funny thing about how God works is that not too long ago, guess what I decided? Its going to be legendary... Seriously. I'M GOING TO HAITI!!! In March, for a week! Hey, people. I'm terrified. I mean, scared you-know-what-less. But my church is organizing a trip, and even though my prayer was "You probably won't let me, God... but I am willing to go." He is letting me. Even though I made excuses, like, "I can help sponsor someone else to go, because I have my things here to take care of..." He is sending me. I am selfish and broken in so many ways, but he seems to think he can use me. Along with 9 other broken, imperfect people. Except here's the thing. I need some money. Oh... yeah. I'm also pretty shameless when it comes to this sort of thing. He is letting me be a part of SOMETHING. I don't know what. Maybe I won't change somebody else's life in a week. I can't help but think that its impossible for me to have an impact in such a short amount of time... maybe its for me... maybe God is going to change me. And you know what? He is letting you too! If you can send me money... please, please do. I am going to set up an online account recommended by my church for fundraising. You'll see links for that on fb. We are doing EVERYTHING possible to cut out all of our extras, and we have a significant amount already saved in a short amount of time. If you have zero dollars in your bank account at the end of the month... then you can pray, pray, pray. This is proving to be harder for me than I thought. My issues (we all have some weird quirks...) are definitely trying to take over. Control, fear, control, control, control... its all there. Pray for me, and lucky you guys are going to get ANOTHER awesome update from me with everything about Haiti I can find.
Most of you know I'm a little bit of a weirdo when it comes to food. Call me a hippie. I blame it on my own personal health issues, and those of my sweet, hyperactive Sarah. If I am not extra careful, it makes me physically ill. So, I eat mostly vegetarian, preferably vegan... although I won't refuse a nice hunk of flesh every now and then. And seriously, who doesn't like cheese? So, maybe I don't do so well with the vegan thing. But I try really hard, because thats when I feel my best. And Sarah... When we finally took her to the doctor to get an official ADHD diagnoses we also considered getting her tested for tourettes. She had some pretty strange ticks. Eyes blinking, noise making, arms and legs twitching. If I'm not careful she gets ticks again, and they last awhile. So, we try to keep her as dairy free as possible, though I can admit that I also fail at keeping her away from that stuff. But additives, preservatives, artificial everything has been eliminated from our every day. Even when I bake I avoid all that crap. Exept for I also have a penchant for documentaries, and I'm working on one about GMO's... (Just so you know, a GMO is a Genetically Modified Organism... a living thing that has been altered from the very building block of its life to do something it could never do on its own. Goats that lactate spider silk protein... corn to produce a type of pesticide when eaten by a bug...)
Yeah. I'm going there. But only for a minute, and not to lecture you. Because I will be the first to admit that we've got a bunch of genetically altered food in our fridge. Remember the vegetarian thing? Yeah. A lot of fruits and veggies have been altered in a lab. The only way one can be guaranteed to have a completely GMO free product is to buy organic. I have heard many people tell me that its not more expensive to buy organic... but I know first hand that it is. So, when I buy organic food it has to be cheaper, if not the same as the "regular" stuff I get. Which rarely happens. And I've made peace with myself for that. Plus I have some opinions about organically grown stuff too... this isn't really a food blog. I just want ya'll to know what I've been up to, and in this case, GMO, organic, non-organic, non-GMO... I'm still learning. The point I'm trying to make is that these laboratories that are creating these seeds are becoming a threat to me. They scare me. Why? Because in the process of attempting to make a "more sustainable future" (I don't know... the verdict is still out on that one...) they are taking away my choice. If its not an organic food, then I can't be guaranteed that the product I'm buying is not altered. And you know what else? Every State is the U.S. that has tried to create policies requiring companies to label a GMO has been threatened with a law suit. Thats right. And it scares me, because it seems to me that its less about making a better future, and more about making money... gambling with my health, and not allowing me to make the best, most informed decision possible. I view these companies as oppressors, making my life more difficult. And, I am currently reading through Isaiah. Its a heavy book. Yeah. I've been busy. I've been working on this book for about 2 months, and have only reached Chapter 9... But this chapter is one of my favorites! Isaiah, written in the 700's B.C. has predicted the birth of Christ! Which some scholars THINK happened around 6-4 B.C. You do the math. It was predicted a really long time before it even happened.
Ok. My brain is kind of twisty. All of this stuff is connected in my head. I had a great convo with Peter about it on Saturday. It made sense to me, out loud. On paper? You'll have to let me know. So, Isaiah is talking to Jerusalem, because they have been involved in some pretty disobedient things. They are corrupt, and are coming upon judgement from God. Isaiah is just the messenger telling them what God says.But here's some good news, even just in Chapter 1. God says "I will turn my hand against you; I will thoroughly purge away your dross and remove all your impurities. I will restore your judges as in the days of old, your counselors as at the beginning. AFTERWARD you will be called the City of Righteousness, the Faithful City. (1:25-26) Even after the destruction God will make them better. Jerusalem was also accused of these things, according to Chapter 5: Taking advantage of others, drunkenness, disregarding the consequences of sin, confusing moral standards, Pride, and Injustice. Sound like anyone you know? Hello America. And even though I know this is everywhere... in government, and in things even as small as our everyday lives... how small businesses are run and how people make their own personal choices, I can't help but draw a direct connection to the food I am eating with these sinful actions. We, as Americans, are making it okay for these companies to pretend to be God, and destroy the very things we were commissioned with protecting at the beginning of time. When I go to the store, I choose to be alright with GMO's, because I feel helpless to stop it. Sitting on my couch, watching a movie highlighting the "evils" of this practice, and near tears because "I can't do anything about it."
But in the middle of all of my feelings I read this, Isaiah 9:4... For as in the day of Midian's defeat, you have SHATTERED the yoke that burdens them, the bar across their shoulders, the rod of their oppressor. Verse 6, just in time for Christmas: To us a child is born... he will be called Wonderful, Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. Of the increase of his government and peace there will be NO END! Read chapter 9. I paraphrased and picked... read it all. Whatever has got you thinking, struggling, crying... feeling helpless and hopeless, the answer is Jesus. Maybe right now we are in the middle of our own sin, our flesh warring against our spirit... and worried about the choices more powerful people are making... but just like so, so long ago... they were waiting for Jesus, now we are too! And there is hope.
Which brings me to my next thought. Haiti. Sometimes its funny how God works. This documentary I am watching (Going on 4 days now. It takes me awhile to finish a movie. Blame it on a short attention span. I can do 20 minute increments.) lists a lot of the countries that have refused GMO seeds and food products. Remember when Haiti went through all those devastating natural disasters? A GMO seed lab sent a bunch of seeds to them, so that they could rebuild. You know what the poorest nation in the Western Hemisphere did? They burned the seeds. Those that did plant them ended up ripping them out of the ground, because they looked sickly and "unnatural." And do you know what else? You can't use seeds from a GMO plant the following year. You have to buy them all over again. Helpful. That was a little random. I'm still stuck on lab created food. Moving on, April... you made your point with that. I think I just wanted you to know how it was connected in my head. The funny thing about how God works is that not too long ago, guess what I decided? Its going to be legendary... Seriously. I'M GOING TO HAITI!!! In March, for a week! Hey, people. I'm terrified. I mean, scared you-know-what-less. But my church is organizing a trip, and even though my prayer was "You probably won't let me, God... but I am willing to go." He is letting me. Even though I made excuses, like, "I can help sponsor someone else to go, because I have my things here to take care of..." He is sending me. I am selfish and broken in so many ways, but he seems to think he can use me. Along with 9 other broken, imperfect people. Except here's the thing. I need some money. Oh... yeah. I'm also pretty shameless when it comes to this sort of thing. He is letting me be a part of SOMETHING. I don't know what. Maybe I won't change somebody else's life in a week. I can't help but think that its impossible for me to have an impact in such a short amount of time... maybe its for me... maybe God is going to change me. And you know what? He is letting you too! If you can send me money... please, please do. I am going to set up an online account recommended by my church for fundraising. You'll see links for that on fb. We are doing EVERYTHING possible to cut out all of our extras, and we have a significant amount already saved in a short amount of time. If you have zero dollars in your bank account at the end of the month... then you can pray, pray, pray. This is proving to be harder for me than I thought. My issues (we all have some weird quirks...) are definitely trying to take over. Control, fear, control, control, control... its all there. Pray for me, and lucky you guys are going to get ANOTHER awesome update from me with everything about Haiti I can find.
Saturday, August 23, 2014
Hungry
In July I figured it was time to post again. That way I could feel accomplished by updating twice in a year, instead of only once. I sure do wish I could be one of those moms who updates several times a week with witty and encouraging remarks to the rest of humankind. Then someone would discover me and ask me to speak at some international women's conference, and I would be hailed as superwoman... capable of juggling many tasks, and still continue to feed my theological wisdom. Ha. I'm kidding. Sort of. Its funny how we are always grasping for more, and most of the time its for people to notice. There just isn't anything gratifying in doing things if nobody is going to see. And yet that's how it is. Mama's get up all night long, still waking as soon as the sun does, running to accomplish laundry, scrubbing toilets, preparing breakfast, and multiple other jobs that are just going to be undone by sundown. But you know what? Jesus sees, not just the mommy things, but the other things that make other people's lives better. My new quest is to set down my pride and to stop announcing to the world all these "things" that I need recognition for. I am trying to be a new, humble person. That's just a side note. I am so easily distracted lately. Another side note, now that I am not announcing things? I signed up for a mud obstacle run. Just a lil' ol' 5k. But it will be super fun! Sometimes the mommy things need to be set aside so that I can just be... not a mommy for an hour or two.
So, here's the whole reason of me updating. Something I've been thinking on for awhile now. Hunger. Did you know that there is a new term for the people who run out of food every month? Its called "Food Insecure." I think its ridiculous. Doesn't everyone run out of food? We do... but then again, maybe we don't actually run out. Now that I'm thinking about it, we just run out of food we actually want to eat. Its not ridiculous to run out of food all the way... that used to happen to us, but then Jesus would ask someone else to leave a box of groceries on our front step. We never knew which people were doing that. How did they know? Sometimes it was money in our mailbox... I'm digressing again. I'll get back to that.
A magazine I was reading featured an article on Hunger in America. (Maybe I should have specified this. I'm not talking about poverty in Africa...) So, one of these families they discussed included a little boy who refused his free breakfast at school, only to go home "starving" and begging his mom for corn dogs and tater tots. Um... is this hunger? If he was hungry wouldn't he eat the food in front of him? The article goes on to talk about how people with no cars continue to be hungry because they live a half mile away from the grocery store. Can't anyone walk? Bus? Catch a ride with a neighbor? Then what about the overweight issue? These families are unhealthy and obese, because they can't buy food? Families of 4 getting over 600.00 dollars in food stamps, and they are still "running out of food." This makes me angry on so many levels... but mostly angry because how many of you know your neighbors? How many of you know which of your co-workers, and even acquaintances are struggling with debt and cannot make ends meet? How often do we go about our day ignoring the people in the grocery store counting pennies to buy milk and diapers. What about those stressed out Mommies in line at the store? Could they be worried about how long this Twenty Dollars of food is going to last? Could a well timed smile, or a sweet word be all they need? How often do these "hungry" people hear words that will wash like cool water over their souls?
I think that the root of being "Food Insecure" goes much deeper than groceries, or money, or weight. It is more than just someone being too lazy (or tired... believe me, I know what its like to rather buy fast food than even bother to make peanut butter and jelly.) The root is that this world is hungry for something much deeper and more satisfying than a corn dog. These people need Jesus.
In our hungry days we didn't often worry about where our next meal would come from, because we knew that the One who numbered our days was carrying us. Each day came and went, and we were never lacking in the very things we needed to survive. If I know that truth, and Sovereign provided for even me, why would I keep that secret from someone else who needs to hear it? The world is walking in darkness, and the evidence is clear... people are filling the voids in their lives with cars, boats, huge houses, food in excess of what they need... and the bottom line is that the only thing anyone needs is Jesus.
Here is what I propose. What if we listened more carefully to what He is saying to us? How many times have I seen a mommy in need of hearing me say "You are doing a good job." How many times have I ignored Christ telling me to buy somebody's groceries? Why am I not asking the people I meet what their story is? What do they "need?" Because if I care enough to listen to what they think they need, then they will be more ready to hear what I know they need! You know those people with no cars? Why don't I offer to drive them to store, and go shop with them. And maybe then I can teach them to stretch their dollars, and probably even forge a bond... a friendship, with somebody else in this world, just trying to make it through their day... a lot like I am doing. When we tie ourselves to another human being, doing the same things they are trying to do, it makes all the work and pain in this world a little less painful.
Psalm 107: 8-9: Let them give thanks to the Lord for his UNFAILING love and his WONDERFUL deeds for men, for he SATISFIES the thirsty and fills the hungry with GOOD THINGS!
Psalm 146 (Read it! Its amazazazing!)
Matthew 5:6: Blessed are those who HUNGER and THIRST for RIGHTEOUSNESS for they will be filled! (This applies to us, Christians. What will we do about it?)
Matthew 15:32... I was just teaching the girls about this. Jesus didn't want to send the people away hungry! He filled their physical hunger, as well as their spiritual hunger.
Matthew 25:35... again, physical needs are important! And in some cases, they matter for eternity.
Philippians 4:12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
What is the secret? Can we all say we have learned? Lets make this a quest, to discover that we can, in fact, "Do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13)
Amongst many, many verses regarding hunger... both physical and spiritual, do you know how the story ends? Or at least, the one involving our journey here through the darkness?
Revelation 7:16-17: Never again will they hunger, never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the CENTER of the throne will be their shepherd, for he will lead them to springs of LIVING WATER. And God will wipe away every tear from their eye.
So, here's the whole reason of me updating. Something I've been thinking on for awhile now. Hunger. Did you know that there is a new term for the people who run out of food every month? Its called "Food Insecure." I think its ridiculous. Doesn't everyone run out of food? We do... but then again, maybe we don't actually run out. Now that I'm thinking about it, we just run out of food we actually want to eat. Its not ridiculous to run out of food all the way... that used to happen to us, but then Jesus would ask someone else to leave a box of groceries on our front step. We never knew which people were doing that. How did they know? Sometimes it was money in our mailbox... I'm digressing again. I'll get back to that.
A magazine I was reading featured an article on Hunger in America. (Maybe I should have specified this. I'm not talking about poverty in Africa...) So, one of these families they discussed included a little boy who refused his free breakfast at school, only to go home "starving" and begging his mom for corn dogs and tater tots. Um... is this hunger? If he was hungry wouldn't he eat the food in front of him? The article goes on to talk about how people with no cars continue to be hungry because they live a half mile away from the grocery store. Can't anyone walk? Bus? Catch a ride with a neighbor? Then what about the overweight issue? These families are unhealthy and obese, because they can't buy food? Families of 4 getting over 600.00 dollars in food stamps, and they are still "running out of food." This makes me angry on so many levels... but mostly angry because how many of you know your neighbors? How many of you know which of your co-workers, and even acquaintances are struggling with debt and cannot make ends meet? How often do we go about our day ignoring the people in the grocery store counting pennies to buy milk and diapers. What about those stressed out Mommies in line at the store? Could they be worried about how long this Twenty Dollars of food is going to last? Could a well timed smile, or a sweet word be all they need? How often do these "hungry" people hear words that will wash like cool water over their souls?
I think that the root of being "Food Insecure" goes much deeper than groceries, or money, or weight. It is more than just someone being too lazy (or tired... believe me, I know what its like to rather buy fast food than even bother to make peanut butter and jelly.) The root is that this world is hungry for something much deeper and more satisfying than a corn dog. These people need Jesus.
In our hungry days we didn't often worry about where our next meal would come from, because we knew that the One who numbered our days was carrying us. Each day came and went, and we were never lacking in the very things we needed to survive. If I know that truth, and Sovereign provided for even me, why would I keep that secret from someone else who needs to hear it? The world is walking in darkness, and the evidence is clear... people are filling the voids in their lives with cars, boats, huge houses, food in excess of what they need... and the bottom line is that the only thing anyone needs is Jesus.
Here is what I propose. What if we listened more carefully to what He is saying to us? How many times have I seen a mommy in need of hearing me say "You are doing a good job." How many times have I ignored Christ telling me to buy somebody's groceries? Why am I not asking the people I meet what their story is? What do they "need?" Because if I care enough to listen to what they think they need, then they will be more ready to hear what I know they need! You know those people with no cars? Why don't I offer to drive them to store, and go shop with them. And maybe then I can teach them to stretch their dollars, and probably even forge a bond... a friendship, with somebody else in this world, just trying to make it through their day... a lot like I am doing. When we tie ourselves to another human being, doing the same things they are trying to do, it makes all the work and pain in this world a little less painful.
Psalm 107: 8-9: Let them give thanks to the Lord for his UNFAILING love and his WONDERFUL deeds for men, for he SATISFIES the thirsty and fills the hungry with GOOD THINGS!
Psalm 146 (Read it! Its amazazazing!)
Matthew 5:6: Blessed are those who HUNGER and THIRST for RIGHTEOUSNESS for they will be filled! (This applies to us, Christians. What will we do about it?)
Matthew 15:32... I was just teaching the girls about this. Jesus didn't want to send the people away hungry! He filled their physical hunger, as well as their spiritual hunger.
Matthew 25:35... again, physical needs are important! And in some cases, they matter for eternity.
Philippians 4:12: I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
What is the secret? Can we all say we have learned? Lets make this a quest, to discover that we can, in fact, "Do everything through him who gives me strength." (Phil. 4:13)
Amongst many, many verses regarding hunger... both physical and spiritual, do you know how the story ends? Or at least, the one involving our journey here through the darkness?
Revelation 7:16-17: Never again will they hunger, never again will they thirst. The sun will not beat upon them, nor any scorching heat. For the Lamb at the CENTER of the throne will be their shepherd, for he will lead them to springs of LIVING WATER. And God will wipe away every tear from their eye.
Friday, January 10, 2014
My last post was in December of last year! And I can remember Peter and I talking about the new year, and how it was going to be "a good year." We were so expectant of some really wonderful and amazing things to happen... And we were right! Except that our idea of "wonderful and amazing" is a completely different thing compared to the wisdom of our God.
In 2010 we began making preparations to move to Colorado, and in my opinion is the beginning of our incredible journey... just one of the larger scale landscapes of the big picture that makes up my life. In February of 2011, we left everything familiar and came to Colorado. I can remember feeling as though we were really, really pushing ourselves to get here. And when we got to Colorado Springs, our first stop in Colorado, we let out our breath... and took a couple of days in the hotel there to regroup and recover. We had a 4 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and itty bitty Stephen was 4 months old! We had no place to live, and no source of income. All we knew is that Sovereign asked us to go, and we would do anything to obey. We jumped in with both feet, terrified but knowing from the last landscape that He always provides, and often in ways that are miraculous and knowledge-defying. He did. We were given the phone number of a family who would let us stay in their home, with them. (In Greeley. Pay attention to this detail. I know who goes before me!) Our first experience with communal living, though I was just too overwhelmed by their hospitality and kindness to pay much attention to it. And the day we got to The Springs, Peter got a phone call to interview for a job. It was one he would later take, and it would bring us to Aurora. After a month...? (Details escaped me for most of the 3 years we were traveling through this place. I wrote down what I could, but it was difficult to keep total track.) we left Greeley to move to.... a hotel! We lived there while trying to buy a small townhouse. It fell through. I'll spare all the boring details, but it was quite exhausting. And life shaping. We ended up finally getting an apartment down the road, and Peter started working another job at Chic fil a, on top of his school job. There were days when it seemed life he left at 6:30 in the morning, and didn't come home until 11:00 pm. I don't know if that was true, but its the way I remember it. (C'mon April. Stop being dramatic.) Some other things happened... blah, blah. The whole time in our apartment in Aurora I struggled to feel as though there was a purpose to my being there. We tried to reach our neighbors, but our hearts weren't in it. We came expecting to do these grand things for the glory of God, and were frustrated that we weren't allowed to do them. But someone Peter and I have a lot of respect for told us at some point that its ok to wait for God, as long as He's the one making you wait. It made it a little more bearable, but maybe we started using that as an excuse. I don't know. We were so used to doing things for God that were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting that we had to learn to serve him in our every day. We did. We were finally still, and moldable, and then he began to stir in us that fire that we brought with us from California. Our goal was still the same, but our dreams had shifted to become more like God's vision. And things just HAPPEN when we are on the same page as the Author.
So, 2013, and we try to buy a house in Aurora/Denver. It didn't work. We thought "Here we go again. Its always gotta be so hard!" But then Peter said "What about Greeley." He was kidding. Greeley smells like poo, sometimes, and its small. There's nothing to do except shop at the second hand stores. We laughed. Haha, funny thought. But then a week later... you know how it goes. That quiet way the Lord speaks. We obeyed as soon as we knew it was from Him. And we were under contract for a house. The Perfect House. I'll probably always call it that. It really wasn't perfect. Looking back it was so... not. But I still believe that even though this Perfect House took us down a really unpredictable path, it was divinely appointed. Such a silly way to view something so material, but like I said before, the Wisdom of God is a really amazing thing.
We were really right on top of our closing date. In an attempt to stream line our move and save money we gave our notice to our apartment complex before we actually had keys in hand. The whole process had gone smooth-ish. We expected hiccups in the closing. Things just happen. Except the seller eventually decided he didn't want to sell his house anymore. It was a short sale, and he was upset that he was losing all the money from the deal. The bank was taking it all. He would rather have had a foreclosure. Misery loves company, right? So we found ourselves threatened with homelessness. It was terrifying, but not something foreign to us. We drove toward it 3 years ago! If it wasn't for the hospitality of a friend I don't know what we would have done. We found ourselves wonderfully and unexpectedly ushered into this woman's home, and sharing meals and life with her and her precious family. We were blessed beyond measure to be in this scary situation of not knowing any of our future. And blessed and honored to share so closely the life of someone else. It is a beautiful experience. I think everyone should do it at least once.
But all good things must come to an end, and not every one thinks people should share. I suppose if I pause and think about from the perspective of a landlord it makes more sense that you wouldn't want unknown people in your house. But long story short, the landperson found out we were "living" in the house and threatened to take measures if we didn't leave. I think he was trying to be understanding about our situation, but the bottom line was "get out of my house." (At least, that's how I felt.) We sent a desperate email to our church family, all the while me imagining us standing in line for hours outside of some church or homeless shelter waiting for a few pews or dirty cots to sleep on... next to stinky, bearded homeless men. (Geez, I am so dramatic. And maybe a little shallow.) In the end, Sovereign had a plan, and we were blessed (again!) to live with an incredible Godly man who really offered all of himself and all of his home, and resources to us. We were there for almost 2 months. I was so sad to leave, and also so relieved. I spent every night laying down these old gym mats and covering them with sheets and blankets so we could sleep on the basement floor, and every morning folding them up and clearing the floor for our day. We could be upstairs, but the kids (and I... maybe me more than them) broke stuff. He usually just laughed and said "Well, I never used that anyway. Now I don't have to feel like I need to keep it." All the while we were living in Larry's basement there were several other people who came and slept in his other empty rooms, and blessed us with their lives, and experience, and friendship. I really couldn't say enough that it was a beautiful, wonderful experience. I never felt lonely, and sometimes it was hard... but in the end I really, really miss it. Seriously. I keep trying to find the words to describe it, and have none, but I hope that one day we can do it again.
And all the while, we were struggling, and learning, and being faithful to follow the Lord's guidance. Eventually, the Perfect House was no longer an option, but its purpose was apparent. And Peter, at some point in the process had taken a job in Greeley. Its meant to be temporary, because the hours are terrible. (6 pm to 4 am?) When the house was totally finished we got an apartment. We moved. We intended to stay there until our lease ran its course. But... then that Voice. We went out looking for more houses, expecting it to be some other fiasco... except after a long, exhausting day of looking at one house or another that wasn't quite right we found it. The RIGHT House. It is so much better than the Perfect House. The floor plan is better, the yard is better, and the neighbors are so... ripe? Ha. Are they bananas... and apples, and oranges? Perhaps wheat. What I can tell you is that the harvest is plentiful... and while there are few workers, we know that there are people here in Greeley that we've been humbled to "bump" into, who have knowledge and resources they want to share.... But I digress.
What I was saying is that the Right House came along, and surprisingly we found ourselves just about a month later signing papers. The keys were in our hand, and we looked at each other like deer caught in those deadly headlights... we were done. And then the reality of what we've taken on sunk in. Oh, my... how could Jesus think that we were worthy of this task? This house... this material item that we worked so hard to acquire... was not OURS. Its purpose, though its history with us has thus far been short, is also apparent. Our neighbors already WANT a relationship with us. And you know what? I LOVE them in a way that I have never loved a stranger. When I see them I can't help but think "What about eternity? What if they spend all of time separated from God, because I am too busy, or afraid, to tell them that they don't have to!" Jesus loves them! I tell my kids every night before I leave their rooms "Jesus loves you... because you are Simon. You are Stephen... Delilah, Sarah, Miriam." He loves you only because you are you! He loves me only because I am me! How can such a simple truth be twisted into something as complicated as many of us make it? He loved me before I could prove I was worthy. I never could. Dramatic, Shallow, Afraid, Frail, me. I am loved... and he asks nothing from me. But why would I keep this truth from those who don't know? I owe it to those in humanity traveling this terrifying road of life to tell them! This journey we found ourselves on taught me about the richness of a human life. All the people we lived closely with came from different places in life, and have different interests, and slightly different beliefs than I do. But we made each other's lives better. And I can't wait to FINALLY start what we came here to do... now that we've finished it, too. Praise God for his plan...
This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:10-12
In 2010 we began making preparations to move to Colorado, and in my opinion is the beginning of our incredible journey... just one of the larger scale landscapes of the big picture that makes up my life. In February of 2011, we left everything familiar and came to Colorado. I can remember feeling as though we were really, really pushing ourselves to get here. And when we got to Colorado Springs, our first stop in Colorado, we let out our breath... and took a couple of days in the hotel there to regroup and recover. We had a 4 year old, a 3 year old, a 1 year old, and itty bitty Stephen was 4 months old! We had no place to live, and no source of income. All we knew is that Sovereign asked us to go, and we would do anything to obey. We jumped in with both feet, terrified but knowing from the last landscape that He always provides, and often in ways that are miraculous and knowledge-defying. He did. We were given the phone number of a family who would let us stay in their home, with them. (In Greeley. Pay attention to this detail. I know who goes before me!) Our first experience with communal living, though I was just too overwhelmed by their hospitality and kindness to pay much attention to it. And the day we got to The Springs, Peter got a phone call to interview for a job. It was one he would later take, and it would bring us to Aurora. After a month...? (Details escaped me for most of the 3 years we were traveling through this place. I wrote down what I could, but it was difficult to keep total track.) we left Greeley to move to.... a hotel! We lived there while trying to buy a small townhouse. It fell through. I'll spare all the boring details, but it was quite exhausting. And life shaping. We ended up finally getting an apartment down the road, and Peter started working another job at Chic fil a, on top of his school job. There were days when it seemed life he left at 6:30 in the morning, and didn't come home until 11:00 pm. I don't know if that was true, but its the way I remember it. (C'mon April. Stop being dramatic.) Some other things happened... blah, blah. The whole time in our apartment in Aurora I struggled to feel as though there was a purpose to my being there. We tried to reach our neighbors, but our hearts weren't in it. We came expecting to do these grand things for the glory of God, and were frustrated that we weren't allowed to do them. But someone Peter and I have a lot of respect for told us at some point that its ok to wait for God, as long as He's the one making you wait. It made it a little more bearable, but maybe we started using that as an excuse. I don't know. We were so used to doing things for God that were physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting that we had to learn to serve him in our every day. We did. We were finally still, and moldable, and then he began to stir in us that fire that we brought with us from California. Our goal was still the same, but our dreams had shifted to become more like God's vision. And things just HAPPEN when we are on the same page as the Author.
So, 2013, and we try to buy a house in Aurora/Denver. It didn't work. We thought "Here we go again. Its always gotta be so hard!" But then Peter said "What about Greeley." He was kidding. Greeley smells like poo, sometimes, and its small. There's nothing to do except shop at the second hand stores. We laughed. Haha, funny thought. But then a week later... you know how it goes. That quiet way the Lord speaks. We obeyed as soon as we knew it was from Him. And we were under contract for a house. The Perfect House. I'll probably always call it that. It really wasn't perfect. Looking back it was so... not. But I still believe that even though this Perfect House took us down a really unpredictable path, it was divinely appointed. Such a silly way to view something so material, but like I said before, the Wisdom of God is a really amazing thing.
We were really right on top of our closing date. In an attempt to stream line our move and save money we gave our notice to our apartment complex before we actually had keys in hand. The whole process had gone smooth-ish. We expected hiccups in the closing. Things just happen. Except the seller eventually decided he didn't want to sell his house anymore. It was a short sale, and he was upset that he was losing all the money from the deal. The bank was taking it all. He would rather have had a foreclosure. Misery loves company, right? So we found ourselves threatened with homelessness. It was terrifying, but not something foreign to us. We drove toward it 3 years ago! If it wasn't for the hospitality of a friend I don't know what we would have done. We found ourselves wonderfully and unexpectedly ushered into this woman's home, and sharing meals and life with her and her precious family. We were blessed beyond measure to be in this scary situation of not knowing any of our future. And blessed and honored to share so closely the life of someone else. It is a beautiful experience. I think everyone should do it at least once.
But all good things must come to an end, and not every one thinks people should share. I suppose if I pause and think about from the perspective of a landlord it makes more sense that you wouldn't want unknown people in your house. But long story short, the landperson found out we were "living" in the house and threatened to take measures if we didn't leave. I think he was trying to be understanding about our situation, but the bottom line was "get out of my house." (At least, that's how I felt.) We sent a desperate email to our church family, all the while me imagining us standing in line for hours outside of some church or homeless shelter waiting for a few pews or dirty cots to sleep on... next to stinky, bearded homeless men. (Geez, I am so dramatic. And maybe a little shallow.) In the end, Sovereign had a plan, and we were blessed (again!) to live with an incredible Godly man who really offered all of himself and all of his home, and resources to us. We were there for almost 2 months. I was so sad to leave, and also so relieved. I spent every night laying down these old gym mats and covering them with sheets and blankets so we could sleep on the basement floor, and every morning folding them up and clearing the floor for our day. We could be upstairs, but the kids (and I... maybe me more than them) broke stuff. He usually just laughed and said "Well, I never used that anyway. Now I don't have to feel like I need to keep it." All the while we were living in Larry's basement there were several other people who came and slept in his other empty rooms, and blessed us with their lives, and experience, and friendship. I really couldn't say enough that it was a beautiful, wonderful experience. I never felt lonely, and sometimes it was hard... but in the end I really, really miss it. Seriously. I keep trying to find the words to describe it, and have none, but I hope that one day we can do it again.
And all the while, we were struggling, and learning, and being faithful to follow the Lord's guidance. Eventually, the Perfect House was no longer an option, but its purpose was apparent. And Peter, at some point in the process had taken a job in Greeley. Its meant to be temporary, because the hours are terrible. (6 pm to 4 am?) When the house was totally finished we got an apartment. We moved. We intended to stay there until our lease ran its course. But... then that Voice. We went out looking for more houses, expecting it to be some other fiasco... except after a long, exhausting day of looking at one house or another that wasn't quite right we found it. The RIGHT House. It is so much better than the Perfect House. The floor plan is better, the yard is better, and the neighbors are so... ripe? Ha. Are they bananas... and apples, and oranges? Perhaps wheat. What I can tell you is that the harvest is plentiful... and while there are few workers, we know that there are people here in Greeley that we've been humbled to "bump" into, who have knowledge and resources they want to share.... But I digress.
What I was saying is that the Right House came along, and surprisingly we found ourselves just about a month later signing papers. The keys were in our hand, and we looked at each other like deer caught in those deadly headlights... we were done. And then the reality of what we've taken on sunk in. Oh, my... how could Jesus think that we were worthy of this task? This house... this material item that we worked so hard to acquire... was not OURS. Its purpose, though its history with us has thus far been short, is also apparent. Our neighbors already WANT a relationship with us. And you know what? I LOVE them in a way that I have never loved a stranger. When I see them I can't help but think "What about eternity? What if they spend all of time separated from God, because I am too busy, or afraid, to tell them that they don't have to!" Jesus loves them! I tell my kids every night before I leave their rooms "Jesus loves you... because you are Simon. You are Stephen... Delilah, Sarah, Miriam." He loves you only because you are you! He loves me only because I am me! How can such a simple truth be twisted into something as complicated as many of us make it? He loved me before I could prove I was worthy. I never could. Dramatic, Shallow, Afraid, Frail, me. I am loved... and he asks nothing from me. But why would I keep this truth from those who don't know? I owe it to those in humanity traveling this terrifying road of life to tell them! This journey we found ourselves on taught me about the richness of a human life. All the people we lived closely with came from different places in life, and have different interests, and slightly different beliefs than I do. But we made each other's lives better. And I can't wait to FINALLY start what we came here to do... now that we've finished it, too. Praise God for his plan...
This is love: not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.
1 John 4:10-12
Monday, December 31, 2012
Happy New Year!
Happy New Year everyone! I have so many thoughts while I'm busy with my life.... folding laundry, watching tv, washing dishes, cooking dinner... but whenever I come on here to share my thoughts and lessons I totally blank. Not to mention that I start a blog post, and then can't finish. By the time I get back around to finishing, its been months and months.
One of the biggest challenges I've been facing lately is parenting. We just had our sweet Miriam 14 weeks ago. It seems like so much time has passed since her birth... but people remind me every day that she is still so small. Life just feels so out of control for me. Five children are a huge responsibility. Nothings stays picked up, nothing gets done. There is total chaos from 6 AM to 9 PM. Then I shower, and by that time I'm so exhausted I end up going to bed. Lately we've been experiencing a lot of behavior issues. (Lying, violence, disobedience, and mostly just generalized trouble making...) I just had to get up because the 3 middle ones were in the bathroom together. That spells bad news. They had the bottle of lotion opened, pouring water into it. And Stephen just flushed an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet. I bought hand soap for them two weeks ago. Its all gone... from pumping it down the drain, I'm sure. Not to mention the shampoo... they saw me use it for bubble bath one day, and the next day Peter said "They were dumping this into their tub..." I'm seriously out of my mind. The Lord must know what he's doing, because I know he doesn't make mistakes, but I fall asleep at night, after total craziness and can't help but whisper "Please don't change your mind... I'll do better with them tomorrow." Even through all of my control issues, and the incredible mountains I feel like I have to hurdle in order to teach them, and keep them safe, and well fed; and the eye burning, body aching exhaustion I work through every day, I love them deeply. But if I go catatonic you know why.
Miriam is precious. She is such a content baby. And she loves to be a part of the big kid noise... She learned how to screech. Its adorable... but she is also a reminder. She reminds me of the baby that I only carried for 9 weeks. She was born almost exactly a year after I miscarried. (In the same month...) I cried after she was born... I was grateful for a healthy baby, and also sad. Its such a... complicated thing, a miscarriage. The grief over something so small... a baby I never felt kick, a baby whose gender I cannot be sure of... But more than the reminder of being sad, I am reminded of God's grace. I honestly think that the Lord carried me and Mimi through this last pregnancy. It was a little bit more complicated than any of the others... one little problem here, and bigger problem there... and yet she was formed completely and perfectly. My labor was more complicated too, but praise Jesus we got through it. And then the recovery was difficult. I'd blame it all on my age... but I'm not old. And I think all of that for the last 9 months has made me a paranoid mama... I am more fearful of an accident (with all of my kids) and more cautious when they get sick. I hope that I can get this under control. Once again... control issues. I need to control my controlling behavior. Come on, April. Get it together.
And after a pretty rough 2 years here in Beautiful Colorado we are ready for a little bit of a break... please be an easy year, 2013! But I can tell you that we were recently faced with the prospect of leaving this state, and I really, really didn't want to go! Maybe all of the trials we (I) struggled through were meant to really, really root me here in this place. Colorado is becoming the place I love. The place I long to see bow to its maker. Sometimes I can hear the mountains cry out to the Sovereign, and I hope that one day the people here will do the same! Its not just the place that brought me here only to leave me desolate and empty... the place that left my soul raging at God, because of the difficulty of simply getting out of bed in the morning... its the place that yes, made me stretch and bend, and very nearly broke me, but also the place that made me stronger and more reliant upon the strength of the Lord. I realized that I am capable of much, much more than I thought I could do. Superhuman, if you would allow me the arrogance to say so.
And... there's always an and, isn't there? Just one more thing... and, and, and... on and on I go. I am humbled. I am here to build the greatest kingdom that will ever be, and I am so broken and used up... I am selfish and never satisfied with what I have. My heart is always restless. Never content. Sinful me was chosen by Eternally Good Him. Jesus, the perfect lamb who died because of what I am called out to me one day, and chose this work especially for me. I could never, ever, ever be worthy of this Great Calling. And he still picked me! Whenever I think of that... (its such a silly reference...) I think of Meredith on Grey's Anatomy, when she begs the cute doctor to "Pick me..." She was so very, very desperate. I don't even need to call out in desperation "Pick me..." Because Jesus picked me before I even knew I wanted it, or needed it! I think that after 2 years I am ready for this. And what a good feeling it is, to know that my best efforts could never really add up to be good enough for Him, but he will take my human-ness and make it something he can use! So, here's to another year of life, hopefulness, and complete and utter reliance on the Author of Life! (Pray for me!) ;0)
One of the biggest challenges I've been facing lately is parenting. We just had our sweet Miriam 14 weeks ago. It seems like so much time has passed since her birth... but people remind me every day that she is still so small. Life just feels so out of control for me. Five children are a huge responsibility. Nothings stays picked up, nothing gets done. There is total chaos from 6 AM to 9 PM. Then I shower, and by that time I'm so exhausted I end up going to bed. Lately we've been experiencing a lot of behavior issues. (Lying, violence, disobedience, and mostly just generalized trouble making...) I just had to get up because the 3 middle ones were in the bathroom together. That spells bad news. They had the bottle of lotion opened, pouring water into it. And Stephen just flushed an entire roll of toilet paper down the toilet. I bought hand soap for them two weeks ago. Its all gone... from pumping it down the drain, I'm sure. Not to mention the shampoo... they saw me use it for bubble bath one day, and the next day Peter said "They were dumping this into their tub..." I'm seriously out of my mind. The Lord must know what he's doing, because I know he doesn't make mistakes, but I fall asleep at night, after total craziness and can't help but whisper "Please don't change your mind... I'll do better with them tomorrow." Even through all of my control issues, and the incredible mountains I feel like I have to hurdle in order to teach them, and keep them safe, and well fed; and the eye burning, body aching exhaustion I work through every day, I love them deeply. But if I go catatonic you know why.
Miriam is precious. She is such a content baby. And she loves to be a part of the big kid noise... She learned how to screech. Its adorable... but she is also a reminder. She reminds me of the baby that I only carried for 9 weeks. She was born almost exactly a year after I miscarried. (In the same month...) I cried after she was born... I was grateful for a healthy baby, and also sad. Its such a... complicated thing, a miscarriage. The grief over something so small... a baby I never felt kick, a baby whose gender I cannot be sure of... But more than the reminder of being sad, I am reminded of God's grace. I honestly think that the Lord carried me and Mimi through this last pregnancy. It was a little bit more complicated than any of the others... one little problem here, and bigger problem there... and yet she was formed completely and perfectly. My labor was more complicated too, but praise Jesus we got through it. And then the recovery was difficult. I'd blame it all on my age... but I'm not old. And I think all of that for the last 9 months has made me a paranoid mama... I am more fearful of an accident (with all of my kids) and more cautious when they get sick. I hope that I can get this under control. Once again... control issues. I need to control my controlling behavior. Come on, April. Get it together.
And after a pretty rough 2 years here in Beautiful Colorado we are ready for a little bit of a break... please be an easy year, 2013! But I can tell you that we were recently faced with the prospect of leaving this state, and I really, really didn't want to go! Maybe all of the trials we (I) struggled through were meant to really, really root me here in this place. Colorado is becoming the place I love. The place I long to see bow to its maker. Sometimes I can hear the mountains cry out to the Sovereign, and I hope that one day the people here will do the same! Its not just the place that brought me here only to leave me desolate and empty... the place that left my soul raging at God, because of the difficulty of simply getting out of bed in the morning... its the place that yes, made me stretch and bend, and very nearly broke me, but also the place that made me stronger and more reliant upon the strength of the Lord. I realized that I am capable of much, much more than I thought I could do. Superhuman, if you would allow me the arrogance to say so.
And... there's always an and, isn't there? Just one more thing... and, and, and... on and on I go. I am humbled. I am here to build the greatest kingdom that will ever be, and I am so broken and used up... I am selfish and never satisfied with what I have. My heart is always restless. Never content. Sinful me was chosen by Eternally Good Him. Jesus, the perfect lamb who died because of what I am called out to me one day, and chose this work especially for me. I could never, ever, ever be worthy of this Great Calling. And he still picked me! Whenever I think of that... (its such a silly reference...) I think of Meredith on Grey's Anatomy, when she begs the cute doctor to "Pick me..." She was so very, very desperate. I don't even need to call out in desperation "Pick me..." Because Jesus picked me before I even knew I wanted it, or needed it! I think that after 2 years I am ready for this. And what a good feeling it is, to know that my best efforts could never really add up to be good enough for Him, but he will take my human-ness and make it something he can use! So, here's to another year of life, hopefulness, and complete and utter reliance on the Author of Life! (Pray for me!) ;0)
Wednesday, July 4, 2012
Bikes and Bubbles
So, I've been on this blog 5 times trying to update you all on our lives... I actually have a post written, and probably finished, but I never edited it, or published it. I don't know why. I do often struggle with feeling as if the un-excitement in my life is going to be completely boring to you... but I think I'm ready to be honest now. I actually learned a lesson. Or, rather, recognized the lesson I was supposed to learn...
Let me tell you something about me. I am selfish, greedy... sinful. I waver back and forth between being content with what the Lord has blessed me with, and (probably more often than not) wishing... begging... sobbing... whining.... for more, more, more. I expect the things that I've planned for to come to fruition, and when The Sovereign chooses something different for me it leaves me sullen and rather two-year-oldish. This is something that happens routinely, and I've recently happened into this behavior (again). I was busy looking for all of the things that I did not have, and trying very, very hard to ignore all of the blessings that have been heaped upon me.
Well, this weekend was a barbecue. It was a barbecue in an apartment complex that someone in our church has been working with. He and some others go every week to bring bikes to the children that live in these apartments. They take bicycle donations, (or bikes they have bought, secondhand) and go to the complex and fix the bikes, and give them to the children. By the time the next week comes, the bikes have been stolen, and they bring more to fix, and give. Give... give, give. These wonderful people give their time, money, talent... LOVE... it really rocks me to my very core, how much sacrifice it takes to be so faithful in ministry, and these examples... these saints don't even notice.
In any case... did I mention that the children (and families) they are serving are primarily refugees? And... anyways... the barbecue. They needed some volunteers to help with set up, or clean up, or to just bring food. Maybe to just show up... so I signed up. Once I had committed myself to being there of course I started making excuses. I had to bring my own kids. (How could I watch them AND help?) It was hot. (I AM 6 months pregnant... that couldn't be good for me.) I will be too tired to get the kiddos into bed afterwards, plus it will be past bed time. (We all need our rest, to stay healthy.) Peter is closing at work. (He NEEDS the car. I mean, its not safe to ride his bike in the dark, at midnight.) I could go on forever. But mostly, do you know what I allowed myself to do? I began insulting myself. I told myself a lie... "You are useless, and you are one person. Nobody will notice if you are not there, and you could just not go, and not be missed. You are better off not offending anyone by showing up and standing around." It was terrible. For a whole week I struggled with this, and finally sent the nasty April on her way... (I won't repeat the words I used, but I can say they weren't religious...) When the time came for me and the kids to load into the van I was very, very close to one of those panic attacks I may have mentioned before. We took some bubbles. ("What good are bubbles for a bunch of kids who probably don't even have food, or clothes?") And a couple bags of chips. ("My lone contribution... just so people like me could feel useful.") It was a terrifying 15 minutes of driving.
When we got there the process of set up was just starting. I had parked in a different parking lot than the rest, and had arrived slightly early... (But I had a unique vantage point, and I will tell you that I have never wanted a camera more than at this very moment...) A large pickup truck overflowing with bikes pulled up. ALL of the kids... from 3 years old to teenager... stopped what they were doing. It was like a huge communal breath was being held. They all stood motionless... they looked like a herd of elk sniffing the air for danger... And then the primary person involved in this ministry came into the courtyard, and like one body they all ran towards him, and stopped. They were quiet, and still... anticipating... waiting. It felt as if there was some sort of electricity moving through them all. I swear that at that moment I was transported to when Jesus walked this earth and said "let the children come to me"... And I realized that to some, we Christians are the only Jesus anyone will ever know. I've heard many people say that, but to actually see it was... I was speechless, and still lack words to describe the feeling I had. At this moment there are tears pouring down my face.
Someone said "WHERE'S THE BIKES!!!" and he teased them and smiled and said "What bikes? I don't know what you're talking about..." It was precious. By the time the other folks had finished unloading EVERYTHING they needed (tables, chairs, bikes, food, etc...) I had managed to unload my bubbles and a few other minor things... So much for the pregnant whale helping... And I opened the bin that held the things I brought to share and gave some bubbles to my kids, that way it would attract the attention of the rest of the sweet babies to what I had. Oh, my... I have never seen a crowd form so fast, and I have never seen so many desperate faces longing for something as silly as bubbles... and the great many pairs of dirty hands grabbing at sidewalk chalk... skip-its... and even a small plastic bowling set... even some parents came and very nearly begged me to give them the first container. Just so that their baby could have this privilege. I mean, these are things that I feel like my children deserve... these are things that I feel obligated to purchase for them every summer. It wouldn't be summer without sidewalk chalk and bubbles.... but these kids didn't have them. And they were desperate for them. Some of them were wearing clothes that were 2 sizes too small, and I can't even imagine that the apartments they were living in were "up to code." My horrible attitude was slapped right out of me... Will it come back? Oh yes... it will. It is in my nature. The nature I, and all the rest of us are trying to rid ourselves of...
I think the lesson I learned is fairly obvious, and somewhat elementary. But I suppose sometimes even those of us "mature" (HA!) Little Christs need to be reminded of it. And with that, I will leave you with one of my very favorite bible verses. It comes from the book of Acts, chapter 3, verses 1-10. Maybe I've shared this particular passage before... its important to me, because of my struggle with feeling inferior, and incapable. I am "only" a stay at home mom... my worth in this world is not great, and I am often looked down upon because of my low position... I feel like I am in the way when I go places, and it is difficult for me to accept that I can't get everything on my to-do list done in one day. Above all of that, despite the job that my husband works (sometimes a great many hours) we are still well below the poverty guidelines that the government has set. When my heart is right, I don't EVER think that I am missing out... but when I forget that I've been bought at the greatest price that could ever be set, I do indeed feel the "poverty." So... here is the passage.... slightly paraphrased. "One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer. A man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John, Then Peter said "Look at us!" (I can imagine the shame this man must have felt... to be incapable of looking at the people he was begging from.) So the man did as they said, expecting to get something. Then Peter said "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!" Then Peter helped him up, and the man's feet and ankles became strong, and he went with them into the temple courts, walking, and jumping, and praising God!" This man, too ashamed to even look at the people walking past him, began to jump, and shout, and praise God! He was no longer ashamed... and so, I have Jesus... and I can give Jesus to anybody who is lacking this gift. I don't have any reason to be ashamed, or to feel inferior. If I can bring the love of my Christ to somebody who has none... well, then, I don't need silver, or gold... sometimes bikes and bubbles is all it takes.
Let me tell you something about me. I am selfish, greedy... sinful. I waver back and forth between being content with what the Lord has blessed me with, and (probably more often than not) wishing... begging... sobbing... whining.... for more, more, more. I expect the things that I've planned for to come to fruition, and when The Sovereign chooses something different for me it leaves me sullen and rather two-year-oldish. This is something that happens routinely, and I've recently happened into this behavior (again). I was busy looking for all of the things that I did not have, and trying very, very hard to ignore all of the blessings that have been heaped upon me.
Well, this weekend was a barbecue. It was a barbecue in an apartment complex that someone in our church has been working with. He and some others go every week to bring bikes to the children that live in these apartments. They take bicycle donations, (or bikes they have bought, secondhand) and go to the complex and fix the bikes, and give them to the children. By the time the next week comes, the bikes have been stolen, and they bring more to fix, and give. Give... give, give. These wonderful people give their time, money, talent... LOVE... it really rocks me to my very core, how much sacrifice it takes to be so faithful in ministry, and these examples... these saints don't even notice.
In any case... did I mention that the children (and families) they are serving are primarily refugees? And... anyways... the barbecue. They needed some volunteers to help with set up, or clean up, or to just bring food. Maybe to just show up... so I signed up. Once I had committed myself to being there of course I started making excuses. I had to bring my own kids. (How could I watch them AND help?) It was hot. (I AM 6 months pregnant... that couldn't be good for me.) I will be too tired to get the kiddos into bed afterwards, plus it will be past bed time. (We all need our rest, to stay healthy.) Peter is closing at work. (He NEEDS the car. I mean, its not safe to ride his bike in the dark, at midnight.) I could go on forever. But mostly, do you know what I allowed myself to do? I began insulting myself. I told myself a lie... "You are useless, and you are one person. Nobody will notice if you are not there, and you could just not go, and not be missed. You are better off not offending anyone by showing up and standing around." It was terrible. For a whole week I struggled with this, and finally sent the nasty April on her way... (I won't repeat the words I used, but I can say they weren't religious...) When the time came for me and the kids to load into the van I was very, very close to one of those panic attacks I may have mentioned before. We took some bubbles. ("What good are bubbles for a bunch of kids who probably don't even have food, or clothes?") And a couple bags of chips. ("My lone contribution... just so people like me could feel useful.") It was a terrifying 15 minutes of driving.
When we got there the process of set up was just starting. I had parked in a different parking lot than the rest, and had arrived slightly early... (But I had a unique vantage point, and I will tell you that I have never wanted a camera more than at this very moment...) A large pickup truck overflowing with bikes pulled up. ALL of the kids... from 3 years old to teenager... stopped what they were doing. It was like a huge communal breath was being held. They all stood motionless... they looked like a herd of elk sniffing the air for danger... And then the primary person involved in this ministry came into the courtyard, and like one body they all ran towards him, and stopped. They were quiet, and still... anticipating... waiting. It felt as if there was some sort of electricity moving through them all. I swear that at that moment I was transported to when Jesus walked this earth and said "let the children come to me"... And I realized that to some, we Christians are the only Jesus anyone will ever know. I've heard many people say that, but to actually see it was... I was speechless, and still lack words to describe the feeling I had. At this moment there are tears pouring down my face.
Someone said "WHERE'S THE BIKES!!!" and he teased them and smiled and said "What bikes? I don't know what you're talking about..." It was precious. By the time the other folks had finished unloading EVERYTHING they needed (tables, chairs, bikes, food, etc...) I had managed to unload my bubbles and a few other minor things... So much for the pregnant whale helping... And I opened the bin that held the things I brought to share and gave some bubbles to my kids, that way it would attract the attention of the rest of the sweet babies to what I had. Oh, my... I have never seen a crowd form so fast, and I have never seen so many desperate faces longing for something as silly as bubbles... and the great many pairs of dirty hands grabbing at sidewalk chalk... skip-its... and even a small plastic bowling set... even some parents came and very nearly begged me to give them the first container. Just so that their baby could have this privilege. I mean, these are things that I feel like my children deserve... these are things that I feel obligated to purchase for them every summer. It wouldn't be summer without sidewalk chalk and bubbles.... but these kids didn't have them. And they were desperate for them. Some of them were wearing clothes that were 2 sizes too small, and I can't even imagine that the apartments they were living in were "up to code." My horrible attitude was slapped right out of me... Will it come back? Oh yes... it will. It is in my nature. The nature I, and all the rest of us are trying to rid ourselves of...
I think the lesson I learned is fairly obvious, and somewhat elementary. But I suppose sometimes even those of us "mature" (HA!) Little Christs need to be reminded of it. And with that, I will leave you with one of my very favorite bible verses. It comes from the book of Acts, chapter 3, verses 1-10. Maybe I've shared this particular passage before... its important to me, because of my struggle with feeling inferior, and incapable. I am "only" a stay at home mom... my worth in this world is not great, and I am often looked down upon because of my low position... I feel like I am in the way when I go places, and it is difficult for me to accept that I can't get everything on my to-do list done in one day. Above all of that, despite the job that my husband works (sometimes a great many hours) we are still well below the poverty guidelines that the government has set. When my heart is right, I don't EVER think that I am missing out... but when I forget that I've been bought at the greatest price that could ever be set, I do indeed feel the "poverty." So... here is the passage.... slightly paraphrased. "One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer. A man crippled from birth was being carried to the temple gate, where he was put every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John, Then Peter said "Look at us!" (I can imagine the shame this man must have felt... to be incapable of looking at the people he was begging from.) So the man did as they said, expecting to get something. Then Peter said "Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!" Then Peter helped him up, and the man's feet and ankles became strong, and he went with them into the temple courts, walking, and jumping, and praising God!" This man, too ashamed to even look at the people walking past him, began to jump, and shout, and praise God! He was no longer ashamed... and so, I have Jesus... and I can give Jesus to anybody who is lacking this gift. I don't have any reason to be ashamed, or to feel inferior. If I can bring the love of my Christ to somebody who has none... well, then, I don't need silver, or gold... sometimes bikes and bubbles is all it takes.
Monday, November 21, 2011
Thanksgiving!
This week is my very favorite holiday... Thanksgiving! And we get to celebrate a birthday too! Miss Delilah is turning 4! It was never hard for me to see Sarah getting big, and it hasn't been difficult for me to watch Simon and Stephen grow, but that little Delilah makes me cry every time she makes a mile stone! We have some fun things planned for her birthday. A tradition we have for birthdays is that the special person gets to pick any restaurant they want. Lilah picked CiCi's, an all you can eat pizza buffet. We are glad she picked that... its SUPER cheap. (We can all eat there for less than $20.00) and of course SUPER yummy! And of course I will make cupcakes. Delilah is totally into Care Bears... so I am going to make her some colorful Care Bear Cupcakes!
Thanksgiving this year has proven to be a little bit of a disappointment. I love cooking, and the more people I can feed the better! But since we are new here, it will just be the McClure crew. We really prayed and prayed for something to come out of the woodwork, since our own efforts seemed to be fruitless, but the answer God gave us was "Nope. Its just you guys this year." So, we have a little tiny feast planned, and this year all the girls of the house are going to be cooking. Sarah created her own type of coffee cake, and she will be making that this year. Delilah is going to make our traditional "Cranberry Fluff." Instead of a turkey we are going to make Rosemary Chicken... it will be quiet and fun. For school, instead of turkey crafts, we are doing porcupine crafts! We are learning about Gratefulness... and part of the lessons are "Gratefulness in Nature." We learned all about the humble porcupine, and how, even though it doesn't have much going for it, it still stands up and sings... "YUM-O-EE-UM!!" So we are practicing being thankful like the porcupine (Choosing to be happy with the things that we have.) and I have four little porcupines running around my house singing at the top of their lungs!
I suppose a natural segue would be to move on to the things that I am thankful for... but I'm not going to lie to you. I have to think really hard about what I have to be happy about. (I count my children and sweet, selfless husband every day... what I am referring to is my life circumstances.) Its been just about a year since we made the choice to pack up and leave our Comfortable California. In mid February we will have been in Beautiful Colorado for a year! It started out as an adventure, and we were all so optimistic about the future. We were going to conquer this place in Jesus' name and the powers of evil would cower in fear! Ha! Here is what I learned.
"In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) And I am so glad that even though we came here with a plan, the Lord's hand has been directing our lives, without fail. Even now, despite the fact that we have come through incredible difficulty, and experienced some very deep, very private, indescribable pain, I know that we have taken the exact steps that the Sovereign has called us to. Even having that knowledge, it is hard to be thankful when it seems that you have been broken down to nothing. There is so much that we have been through I think it would take too much time to share... but the short story is that we gave ourselves to Jesus, we committed our family and ourselves to the work of the Lord, and nothing he could ask would ever be too much for us to give. There is no other reason at all why we would continue on this journey except for the sake of the call. And in order to fulfill Savior's plan for our lives here is Colorado, it was necessary for him to burn away all the filth, and strip us down to nothing. Why? Because now we can SHINE!
We were here all this time, ready to do everything he asked of us, and all this time we have been waiting! And all this time, while I was feeling like a failure for not acting, He was working in the hearts of these wonderful people that live around us. One day, some very, very polite little boys knocked on our door and said "Umm... our friend's mom lives upstairs and she said you might have a bike pump we can use?" and the next week those same little boys came, and brought a friend... and then the next time it was some more sweeties... And then do you know what happened? We were called. The Lord spoke. (But I'm not sharing yet! :-b) We could really use your prayers as the next chapter in our life here begins.
So, to end my little post, another Proverb, from 14:26: "He who fears the Lord has a secure fortress, and for his children it will be a refuge." This thanksgiving we will definitely not be naming such things as toys and financial gain on our thanksgiving tree... we have learned a valuable lesson, and we are thankful for gaining a fortress, a refuge... and we can now consider it PURE JOY when we face trials of every kind! Our faith has been tested, we have persevered, and one day we will be mature and complete, not lacking ANYTHING! (James 1:2)
YUM-O-EE-UM!
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