Look Around

I have two finches, Leonardo and Lolita, and a Canary. The Canary's name is Saffron. They live in a very large flight aviary that I saved my money to purchase for them. I prepared a place for them before I chose them. 

Leonardo and Lolita are super cute. They beep and meep. They behave in the hyperactive way that finches do. Sometimes I will put seeds in the palm of my hand and Brave Lolita will come and sit on me and eat. Cautious Leonardo will hop from perch to hand, issuing stern warnings to his companion.

The kids like their laser sounds. I got them because when I was working on my Bachelor's degree I needed something to keep me company in my office. The endless amounts of work I was doing left me feeling lonely and isolated. They did their job well. They continue to serve their purpose, by simply being birds, and I delight in watching them. 

Saffron is sweet. Whenever I would come back home after hours of attending classes she would hear me unlock the front door, and begin to "TWEEET!" She would only stop if I went into the room and greet her. I would speak to her, and she would tweet back for a few minutes. 

Now that I am home all the time she still calls out to me. Usually she is asking for me to fill her food dishes, and sometimes to wash her water dish and give her fresh warm water to bathe in. She says "TWEET! TWEEEEET!" and I come running. After I have filled her food dishes she sits on them and tweets her thanks. I say "You're welcome, Pretty Saffron. You are such a pretty and polite yellow bird. I like you an awful lot. I'm so glad you're the Canary that lives in my house with me." 

Saffron makes me think of Genesis, when Adam and Eve lived in the beautiful garden that God made for them, and he would come and walk with them. I think of the way the humans' hearts must have leapt for joy when they heard his footprints.  

I think of Jesus, the God-Man who left heaven to walk earth with his beloved creation. Even though we were fallen and in need, he came to give us what we didn't even know we longed for. 

I think of how, when I call out to Holy Spirit, He sings over me. Maybe I have a need, and maybe I simply want to feel His presence near me.  "Daughter, you are loved. You are called and purposed. I knew you before your existence, and I knit every cell in your body together. I prepared a place for you in my Kingdom. Your worth doesn't need to be earned, because you are simply you, and I chose you." 

Ah, nature. Ah, creation. There are ribbons of God's grace surrounding us. We need only to look around. 

And so, be observant Dear Ones. 

Don't just do things.

Life is awfully boring and incredibly invalidating when the things that we do are unseen by the world. The mundane tasks of life seem to be un-ordained, un-holy, and so purposeless.

I have spent a lot of time lately talking about this. I believe we live in a culture of approval. We all want to be great. We want to be talented and leave our mark. If the whole world will not know our names when we have moved into the eternal then it is not worth the effort.

I notice that these attitudes exist within The Church as well. We are focused on doing Kingdom things. We want to walk in our purpose, but not if our purpose is not called out and recognized by the rest of the body. The Christian way of calling this out is "producing fruit for the kingdom." Laboring. Making sure everyone knows what you are doing to contribute to the greater good. Are you walking in your calling? Are you living your purpose?

I apologize if my cynicism is showing. I adore the church. I definitely believe in doing good works. I strive for this in my life, and I share my endeavors. I don't believe in "doing life" alone. I want and need encouragement for the things I do. I want to see others living out loud and on purpose. But, we are overlooking a lot of really important details when it comes to what we do.

I think that we are missing the point of doing.  

Naturally, once we come to Christ, we want to lead others in the same victory that we've experienced, and this is reflected in wanting to do stuff to prove how free we are. But scripture encourages stillness, it speaks of heart conditions and attitudes. Not just working, but of being in relationship with Christ, and relationship with others. Let me try to explain my thought pattern here.

Galatians 5:22-23: The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness, and self-control.

Are we minding our attitudes? Are we first, before acting on anything, choosing to live by the Spirit? This doesn't not require any external action. This requires a heart condition. Of course people will see that we are kind, or patient because of how we act... but the attitude must come before the action.

One book I really like a lot is James. We use this book in The Church to teach about doing. Indeed, James says "If you are wise and understanding let it be shown by deeds done in humility." But he also says the wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit (see Galatians!), impartial and sincere. Wisdom is not produced by action, it is produced by choosing a proper attitude.

Immediately after this, James asks "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Isn't it from the desires that battle within you." Our hearts... our flesh. The things within us must first be addressed in order to walk in the deeds done in humility.

Ephesians 2:8: "For it is by GRACE you have been saved through FAITH (another heart condition!) and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God. (We do not even produce our own faith! The faith it took to bring us to Christ was gifted to us by our Father!) 

Not by works, so no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, (Yes, to DO good WORKS) which God prepared in advance for us to DO. 

I was definitely made to do good works. But here's the oft overlooked point... 

All of the mindless doing is wasting time. God created me to do the good works that God has already set apart for me to do. Striving to do things simply for the purpose of proving something to others is distracting me from filling my heart with the attitudes that will make me more effective at the actual things God has for me.

What are you relying on to prove your goodness? What am I relying on to prove that I do contribute... that I am helpful, or worthy? Am I just trying to make myself feel special or worthy by all of the doing?

What if I waited on the Lord for the good works he prepared especially for me? And, what if, while I was waiting, I practiced to have an attitude like Christ... what if I strengthed my heart condition so that I will be more equipped for overflow?

This gift of pausing can really shift what our lives looked like before Covid-19. I am grateful for the opportunity to examine my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you DO flows from it."

It is not our job to be concerned with what we do. It is our job to be concerned with our attitudes. Our hearts. We were called to nothing else but to LOVE. (Matthew 22:34-40) Let us shift our focus from doing, and begin to focus on being. 

Be well, Dear Ones.

The Gift of Stillness

Can you hear that? 

The whispering... 

Can you feel it?

Both the stirring, and the quieting? It is the work of God. It is Ruach Ha-Kodesh breathing into his people.

In Isaiah 43:19 he says "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not percieve it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Look for it. Listen for it. Wait for it!

I, like most of you, perhaps, have been caught these last 7 weeks inside of my own self. I have been forced to confront the company of me, instead of being able to distract myself with the company of others. My attitudes, my heart conditions, have been laid bare. 

After awhile the novelty of self-care, and "rest" wore off. YouTube became boring and monochromatic. I was forced into contemplation; self reflection. The things I learned to cope with by avoiding were no longer avoidable. My house was clean-(ish), and I had purged my outside environment of cluttter. From the outside it looked like I had it all together, but the inside parts were messier than ever. All of the old emotional hurt had been stirred up and pulled out of the darkest corners of my heart. 

Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." 

2 Chronicles 20:17 says "You do not need to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you." 

Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." 

We do not come to know the power of God by striving. We come to know the power of God by trusting His sovereign work. 

We are being re-worked. New things are being created with the Potter's hand (Jeremiah 18:4). After all, does the clay say to the potter "What are you making?" (Isaiah 45:9) 

We can trust that the Lord is good. We can trust that he will reshape us. This is why we have been given such a gracious gift... the gift of stillness. 

Be encouraged, Dear Ones. The word of the Lord will do what he intended for it to do, and Lord has spoken great things over you. 

Do your work.

Ahhh. Saturday. The day when I sleep late, watch lots of YouTube and take it easy. 

Oh, wait. I do that every day of the week, now.

I miss my rhythms. The habits and patterns I've created to keep me productive and motivated. I believe that God designed us to depend on rhythms. From the beginning of creation he set the pace. 

He created day and night, and gave us the sun and moon to govern our time. I do love all things celestial. I might say that of all of creation the sky points me to the Lord more than any of them.

I have been struggling to create new rhythms. It seems a bit pointless, if this will end and everything will go back to normal. The thing is though, Covid-19 has changed the world. It has changed individuals, communities, and therefore society as a whole. When we go back to "real life" nothing will look the same, or feel the same. Attempting to cling to something that no longer exists is... illogical. Solomon called it "meaningless." 

Lets take a peek at Ecclesiastes chapter 3:9-22. Solomon talks about what is good and right for human kind. He says that God has set eternity in the hearts of men, and yet we are incapable of understanding what he's done from beginning to end... we weren't created to understand "eternity." We were created under the rhythm set by the sun and moon. We were created for "now." Our perspectives are too limited to take on the long term plans of the Lord. 

Solomon says "I know that there is nothing better for men than to be happy and do good while they live." 

So, what is the "good" that we can do? "That everyone may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all his toil. This is the gift of God." (Ecclesiastes 3:13)

We were designed for work... even before the curse set in. God created Adam and Eve to look after the garden. (Genesis 2:15) This was good. It was, and is, the gift of God. 

Solomon goes on in this passage to lament the uncertainty of our fate. Eh. He was kind of an emo guy. 

 We know who holds tomorrow. We know that eternity waits for us. I don't think he was necessarily discussing the uncertainty of salvation (though, keep in mind this book was written before the Savior came to rescue us!) I think his mind was on the futility of trying to predict the effects of our labors here on earth.  I think he was wondering about the use of thinking on the distant future. We live today, here. We are guaranteed now, on earth, to do our work. Once we get to heaven our work has been completed. The work that the Lord is doing in us has been completed! Oh, Glory Hallelujah. What a day that will be! 

Ecclesiastes 3:22 says this: "So I saw that there is nothing better for a man than to enjoy his work, because that is his lot. For who can bring him to see what will happen after him." We are not the ones in control of the outcome of our actions. We are in control of our obedience. 

And so, we are back at the beginning of this passage. Ecclesiastes 3:14: I know that everything God does will endure forever, nothing can be added to it, and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him." 

The uncertainty of our tomorrows are by design. They are meant to point us to the Creator and King of it all. Our daily actions, the rhythms we set in our nows are the things that bring us to worship. Attempting to control anything other than what we are doing moment by moment is less than worship, and simply not what we have been designed for. When we step into mindfully participating in what we've been given to do is when we step into a future... a calling, a purpose... controlled by the one who is working it all out for our good. (Romans 8:28)

Be blessed, Dear Ones. 

I Am A Naked Mole Rat

Here is a current photo of me.



I haven't left the house in two weeks, and the weather has been cold and snowy. I am pale, my eyes are squinty, and all's we do is watch YouTube and Disney+ in the afternoons. I'm only secure enough to share this because I average zero views on my blogs. I just write open letters to nobody.

I have heard rumblings about protests being organized against the quarantine orders now. I predicted that this would not happen. It is good that it is. This means that people are becoming aware of their status. Do you remember when I talked about Karl Marx, the Bourgeoisie (property owners), and the Proletariat (workers)?  The only way he says that any change can come to society is if the Proletariat become aware of the system. The fancy way he called it was "class consciousness." Maybe, just maybe, things will change for the better from this, instead of how the conspiracy theories say it will go.

Nothing much happened this week. I think I offended a lot of people. I do that often. So, now I have been thinking about relationships. Nobody gets them right.

I am usually un- apologetically how I am. I do not offer reasons for why I don't do stuff... like, if I don't feel like showing up at your party, I'll just say "No, I can't make it." Explanations are for people who can't own their decisions. (Opinion, not fact.) I call stuff like that excuses. I have a friend who gets annoyed at this. She actually came at me a number of YEARS ago and said "I want to know why you don't come around. You need to tell me why you can't make it." It was a whole thing between us, but she stuck around and so did I. She bugs me so bad sometimes... and I couldn't live life without her. I still don't say why, when she invites me places. You wanna know what she does? She says "Oh, darn. I'll miss you. Why won't you be there?"

I think we are all built with these internal, "the way I am" kind of mechanisms. Sometimes we do not like the way we behave, and strive to do better. We choose to shift the actions we take in order to fit in better, and we know we've done well when people accept us, or approve of us. Erving Goffman talked about this. It is called Dramaturgy. Click the link to read more and get smarter!

(https://www.thoughtco.com/goffmans-front-stage-and-back-stage-behavior-4087971)

I like me. It took a lot of years of therapy to realize this. I also know that I am too much of the things I should be less of, and not enough of the things I should be more of. I have friends who are brave enough to call bullshit on me. I have others who (maybe?) think that I can't handle the truth. Here's how it is, though.

I am kind.

I am thoughtful. 

I do not say mean things on purpose. 

I don't even know they sound mean when I say them.

I love deeply. 

I am loyal, and faithful. 

I am honest because I believe everyone deserves honesty.

That last one is hard to swallow. I want to share my opinions when I have a strong one because... I care about you enough to even be thinking about what you're doing.

 I wish for the same. Even if my feelings get hurt, even if I think its none of your business, even if you behave like a total ass hat and I have to tell you how to do it better next time. You deserve to know when you've hurt my feelings, and how to avoid that next time.

I deserve to know when I've done that to you. 

Yesterday while I was laying around all sexy like that mole rat picture, we watched Lilo and Stitch. I really love that movie. Do you know that part where Stitch eats Lilo's cake? (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoyvZuZXDDw) This is only one example of how Lilo helped Stitch learn to be better. There was no format to how she did this. She simply expressed what she was feeling. She did the best she knew how to do, because the success of her relationship with Stitch depended on speaking up. 

I don't even know how I'd respond if you ate my cake.

Lilo wasn't afraid to tell Stitch how to behave properly. And, in the meantime, teaching Stitch about proper behavior helped Lilo too. (She just couldn't get it together, no matter how well meaning and sincere she was...) 

Proverbs 27:17 says "Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another." 

Lets not shy away from sharpening, nor from being sharpened. Be blessed, Dear Ones. 

Who am I?

In my most favorite topic to talk about (Sociology, duh!) there is a Social Psychological concept about contributing to the world around us. A lot of theories overlap each other in this subject, but I have been thinking about this because of the concern over suicide rates increasing from the Covid 19 Quarantine. One way I enjoy practicing my education is to draw lines between the secular belief systems of sociology and my faith. I believe that God has designed us with intrinsic needs. These are the patterns that sociologists observe in the world around them. We like to find problems, and offer solutions. This is right, and good. But I also believe that the solutions we come up with will not truly heal the brokenness we see unless we offer up the solution of Christ. My question is always "How would Jesus offer to fix this? What would Jesus say about this?"

It seems like others are thinking about contributing and identity too, since many sermons I listen to throughout the week have been addressing the topic of IDENTITY.  Or, specifically, our identity in Christ. We want to know WHO we are, and this is often tied to WHAT WE DO.  

What we do (or if we feel successful at it) is tied to socially constructed goal posts: socio-economic status, volunteer contributions, marital status, sexual identity, home ownership... the kind of car we drive, race/ethnicity... the list could be endless, because it really depends on the culture we have grown up in! Success might be something we call subjective. It depends on what the individual believes about it. 

My very favorite of all the old dead sociology dudes (Emile Durkheim) wrote a whole book about suicide. He discusses reasons a person might try to take their own life. One of the reasons is from feeling disconnected from society. The fancy word for this is anomie. When one does not know what role they hold, or feel like a part of the structure of society, they will become depressed, anxious, and possibly suicidal. 

Being in quarantine, possibly without work or income, and maybe without a community surrounding you can lead to feeling like this. Many are probably questioning their contribution. There are those now who have been deemed essential and those who are non-essential. (Look up labeling theory if you wanna have more sociology fun!)

I have struggled with these thought patterns too. Will I get to where I want to be if I am stuck at home doing nothing? How will I be able to obey the call that Jesus has on my life if I do not have opportunity? Will the Lord still keep his promises to me through this? Did I hear him wrong? Perhaps the dreams I have been chasing were all wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have been wasting all this time. Is God who he says he is? 

It is a downward spiral, when we lose sight of the truth. The truth is that where I am, what I am doing, will not change God. My identity rests in my unchanging Savior. Not in what I accomplish in my day... my week. My life. He makes me good enough. He makes me right enough. And so, what I do cannot change God. What I do cannot change my worth. I am already worth the life of GOD. The beginning and the end, the living word, stepped into flesh and purchased my life with his own. Perfection came for me. That was my price, and that was the price paid. When Jesus bought me on the cross, I became worth perfection. 

Even if I forget. Even if I don't do perfect things. Even if I am mean and negative and spiteful. 

God is good, even if I do not believe it. 

I am redeemed, and made righteous, even if I do not believe I am. 

God's capacity to work wonders is not contingent on the amount of faith I possess.

Take this truth to the ones who don't know. They need to know. We must not forget who we are, and learn to untie the truth of that to what we do. After all, while we were still sinners Christ came for us. We have been saved by grace, not by works, so that nobody can boast. 

This is who I am. 

This is who you are. 

Nature doesn't know

This week we planted seeds. We planted tomato seeds, and squash seeds, and cucumber seeds. We planted basil. We brought our Hosta pots out of hibernation and gave them water and sunshine. The chicken coop got mucked, and swept. I brushed the cobwebs off of the ceiling, and cleaned the nesting boxes. The hens stood outside, clucking at me, waiting for each shovel of old, rotting hay I threw out of the coop door, and then they scratched and pecked like chickens do. The bugs have begun to wake up, so we sprayed pest control along the perimeter of our house. We dug a hole in the duck pen for them to have a big pond. They were so excited when they saw us making something for them. And when they saw us bring the hose over they quacked their happy, thankful quacks. Then they jumped in the deep water and their ducky feet paddled while they floated.

We also found out that online school will be extended until the 30th, but maybe longer. I got an email that there is an Albuterol shortage. Mimi has asthma, and needs this medication. Positive tests for Coronavirus have surpassed one million. The daughter of someone that Peter works with has been exposed to the virus. Suddenly the ramifications of this illness are non longer abstract and distant, but in the very place we live, work, and play. Our lives are changing, and we are getting used to the new way of living. There doesn't seem to be an end to the decline of society. Resignation to isolation is setting in.

I am learning from nature. The bulbs in my yard are sprouting out of the earth. My chickens and ducks have begun to lay their eggs in copious amounts. The seeds we handled carefully, and covered lovingly with dirt are sprouting, along with the promise of food grown from our own labors. My ducks splash and play in the water they were created to adore.

Nature does not know that earth is supposedly falling apart. 

Nature does not doubt its creator. 

Nature does not fear. 

Psalm 104 tells of the provision of our Shepherd.

He set the earth on its foundations, that it should never be moved. 

He gives drink to the beasts of the field. 

He causes grass to grow, and water the trees for the birds to dwell and sing. 

He marks the seasons with the moon. 

And still, they look to God to give them food in due season. 

They gather it when it is given, and surrender to the will of The One they trust when it is withheld. 

I accept this lesson. I am choosing to trust the wisdom of God in these moments of bad news. I rejoice in the Lord, and I believe that he will send forth his Spirit, and he will renew the face of the ground.