Cognitive Dissonance

Would you all like to get a little nerdy with me? Great.

Have we ever talked about a concept called cognitive dissonance? It is when your actions don't line up with your beliefs. The result of doing something that doesn't fit with your morals or ethics is guilt... right?

In order to rectify this phenomenon and make ourselves more comfortable with our actions we have one of three choices.

1. We can change our beliefs by acquiring new information that supports the action.
2. We can change our actions to line up with our beliefs.
3. We can avoid thinking about the issue, thus decreasing the importance of resolving the conflict.


There is a passage in scripture that touches on this concept in a spiritual way. It is found in 1 Peter 2:11. It goes like this: "Dear friends, I urge you, as foreigners and exiles, to abstain from sinful desires, which wage war against your soul." 

So, here's the breakdown, in the Greek translation.
 The literal meaning of the words for foreigners and exiles is: Stranger (paroikos) and Sojouorner (parepidemos).

A paroikos (stranger) is: one who dwells in a foreign country, but does not have a settled habitation.
A parepidemos (sojourner) is: a foreigner who has settled down among the native people.

Either way, we're foreigners here on earth. We are eternal citizens of heaven who have either settled a little bit, or not, in the temporal space of earth. Paul says "...as strangers and sojourners abstain from sinful desires..." 

So, here is where it gets interesting. Sinful desires in greek is a little different than the image that comes to mind when I am reading it in English. I think of immorality, like stealing or lying.

In the greek it is called "fleshly desires." Fleshly (sarkikos) Desires (epithumia).

Sarkikos (fleshly) is things that are temporal.
Epithumia (desires) is lust or longing.

So, don't long for temporal things.

As eternal beings living in a temporary place, don't set your hearts on temporal things. If you do this, it will wage war against your spirits. (Or, create dissonance in you!) 

I am a restless kind of gal, always looking for the next adventure. I want excitement. I also want security. I like having nice, fun things. Except for, what is it that I am setting my sights on? What am I striving for? Where do I place my worth? Why am I chasing the things I chase?

Achievement, success, abundance, adventure. These are worthy pursuits, as long as the purpose is worship. Am I chasing God, or am I chasing things? Am I seeking approval so that I can feel really good about me (such a fleeting goal) or am I seeking to show other beggars where to find the Living Water? (Such an eternal, worthy, life giving pursuit.)

The following verse sums up the entire reason for avoiding temporal longings. 1 Peter 2:12 says: "Live such good lives among the pagans that... they may see your good deeds and glorify God on the day he visits us." 

And so, Dear Ones. What are you pursuing? The things that moth and rust destroy, or the imperishable treasures of heaven?

It Feels Like Breathing

Once upon a time, when I was a music minister (and a different person) I met an older woman who had been playing the piano for many, many years. I don't remember the exact amount of years, but I remember my response when she told me how long. "Wow. It must feel like breathing to you."

"Yes. It gives me life."

Today, when my first born baby asked me what I was going to blog about I said "The blog will come together, but the concept is doing something that feels like breathing to you." "Oh. That would be drawing, for me."

I replied "Its like, the thing that comes the most naturally. You don't have to think about it too hard."

"Drawing is hard." Said the child; "Drawing takes a lot of work."

And now I am thinking that sometimes the things that feel like breathing aren't always easy. Sometimes we just love doing it and we don't know why... but there is a stirring within us that causes us to continue in that trajectory. Maybe the word for this feeling is worship.

I have had several emotional moments this week, as I was doing the job I get paid to do. This. This feels like breathing to me. It is a silly way to feel about skilled labor... but I feel this. The thing I am sad to see go at the end of my work day, and the thing I look forward to at the beginning.

Can you find Pinkie Pie Pony Pez Dispenser in my belt, there? Ha!

I wash windows. I wash commercial business windows. There are a lot of really cool small business owners out there. If you don't shop local, you should.

 I wash residential windows. I meet a lot of really neat home owners. Sometimes it takes me a really, really long time to wash one window because I am so busy hanging out with a new friend. There are a lot of really lonely people out there. If you don't talk to your neighbors, you should.

I also disinfect businesses for Covid-19. That job makes me feel like a bad ass superhero. When I brought my equipment home for a couple of hours one day my boys reverently scooped up my goggles and breathing mask and said "You wear a gas mask for your job?!?"

I'm not just bragging about my work. Not everyone gets to have the best job ever... but I do think that if you examine your life you will find those things in your day that brings you to a place of feeling worth. A place of worship that is not church-like or religious.

Paul reminds us that whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we should do for the glory of God. All of our actions should transcend mindless doing. The purpose of our actions should serve to glorify God.

We were created to worship the Creator. So, happy worshiping, Dear Ones.

Instagram Moments

I am restless. Summer seems to do that to me. 

Driving down the road and seeing lots of "for sale" signs in the front yard.

Hot afternoons sipping pink wine in the shade, dreaming of alternate beginnings, endings, and in-betweens for my life. 

Lots of free time to work, play, and rest, all the while lamenting how there is "nothing to do" and exclaiming "what a boring day!" 

And, in the free time remembering other really exciting, monumental events that have happened in the past. They didn't all (or usually) happen in the Summer. But I usually remember them all in the Summer. 

Like, the time we moved to Colorado. 

That was an adventure. You'd think that living in uncertainty and being homeless for awhile would have cured me of craving excitement. 

And, I remember when I used to travel to Haiti twice a year. 

There was this one time we got stuck in some riots over there. And my flight got cancelled because of the unrest, and there were two "gangs" trying to take control of the intersection while we were trying to get back to the mission house. 

That was really an adventure. I miss Haiti a lot. I hope I get to go more. I hope to have more adventures over there. I hope to make more friends who will help me be a better person. 

I remember all of my children being born. I remember finally graduating from college. I remember my wedding day. I remember when I moved out of my parents house and began living on my own. 

These memories. My memories. The things that stand out in my life as being exceptional, exciting, and news worthy. The things I wanted to talk about because they were interesting. 

But, what about the boring days? What about the things that are routine, every day happenings? Social media doesn't always benefit people's perspectives, but one thing I appreciate about it is that we must shift the lens in which we view life... You tubers post "A day in my life" videos and spruce them up to look fun. A day at the farmer's market is artsy and cool. A day as a parent is aesthetic and organized. Caring for ones chickens and ducks is clean and delightful. (Not stinky at all.) If we could all approach our lives with this kind of narrative we could really jump into the mundane with fresh faces and full smiles. 

Will I remember all the moments spent discussing parenting strategies and finances with my husband? Will I notice the beautiful Egyptian Star flowers and old owl sign when I come home from work? Or will I be too lost in thought trying to come up with my own excitement...too lost in thought remembering the "glory days" of finding myself?

I think this kind of restless thinking comes from growing up hearing messages of greatness being preached. Discussions about slaying Goliaths, moving mountains, and fearlessly preaching in the city square. I want to focus my life on the details in between those victories. I want to remember that before Ruth bore the ancestor of the Messiah she was harvesting grain day in and day out, simply providing for her needs, and the needs of her Mother in law. I want to remember that years, many many years, passed between Paul's missionary journeys. He did much of his work just writing letters of encouragement. I want to remember that before David was known he was a small shepherd boy going about the business of tending sheep. Day, after day, after day. I think its the space in between the things we want to tell everyone that we should be living in. 

So, with that, I encourage you to stay boring, Dear Ones. 

Trigger Warning: Read At Your Own Risk

Hi. I had another, much nicer, way easier blog all written. It started like this: "Is anyone else tired of 2020?"

Anyone? Hands?

I then went on to talk about all the things that have happened in 5 short months. But there is only one thing I want to talk about.

George Floyd.

This is the most current name that represents many, many lives lost at the hands of the police. Google the words "Black lives lost to police brutality" and take a good, hard look at what comes up.

I am a sociologist. I spent a long time earning a degree that caused me deep, personal offense. I argued against the facts... words like "systemic racism" are not just made up things that have no backing. Real sociologists are real scientists, and we spend more time trying to prove ourselves wrong than we do trying to be right. Numbers don't lie.

Just because systemic racism exists doesn't make your hard work irrelevant. Don't make this about you. (Google "systemic racism" if you don't really know what this word means.) 

I would go to class, and come home, and cry, and cry, and cry. This world is not fair, and it doesn't make any sense. And I don't understand why anybody would be offended that many, many black men and women have died, and that there is a call to justice. A call to right the wrongs.

 I didn't suffocate anyone with my own hands... with my own knee. I didn't beat someone to death. I didn't chase anyone down and murder them because they looked suspicious.

Why do we want to use this argument when we are uncomfortable about the race conversation, but we always take responsibility for the death of Jesus? "I am responsible for his death. It might as well have been me hammering the nails into his hands and feet."

Listen. I am angry. People are dying, and they shouldn't be.

I am not pointing my fingers at you... but I do want to challenge you to think really hard about your place in life. It is hard to confront our own perspective because we tend to only see things one way, which is our way. Below is a video that changed my life forever. I have watched it many, many times, and I sob from the very first sentence. It is 5 minutes long. The first little girl does a drill with her family, so she know what to do when she is stopped by the police. I have never done that with my children. (This is just one of many ways our white privilege is reflected.) There are things I take for granted simply because I am white. There are things I will never even consider because I am white. Am I a bad, guilty person because of this? No. But I should be aware of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrqufuL6eD8

Challenge yourselves, Dear Ones. I will do the same.

Coping With Stress

Last week I received an email from one of my college professors. I have been accepted into the Sociology Master's program, and part of the program is an opportunity to get hired as a teaching assistant. The benefit of this position is that it pays a stipend, as well as half of the tuition.

It was my intent to apply for the position, but then Coronavirus happened, and my kids were doing online school, and the entire future of my whole life for the next 60 years was in question. (Just kidding. Doesn't it feel like that sometimes, though?) So... I ignored the deadline, and ignored the second (extended) deadline, and then did absolutely nothing.

The email my academic advisor sent went something like "I see that you haven't applied for a TA position. Why not?"

I ended up applying extra late, and found out a few short days later that I was accepted for the position! Yippee!!!

This situation had me thinking about how we deal with stress. It kind of goes hand in hand with the concepts we've been talking about... rewriting the narrative, and how we seek comfort.

There is a theory called "Stress Appraisal Theory." This refers to how we confront stressful situations in our lives. There is the primary appraisal which is when we decide if the situation is stressful to us, and if its even relevant to us. Then there is the secondary appraisal which is when we decide what our options for coping are.

If a situation is deemed to be merely challenging, or threatening, then we may allow ourselves more time to evaluate our options. If we feel that there is imminent harm we evaluate and react immediately.

All outcomes and decisions are based on an individuals intersections in life. (Google the word "intersectionality" if you want to get smarter.) And, having past experience with stressors makes us more capable of dealing with stressors in appropriate ways. Imagine that!

You can learn more about Stress Appraisal Theory by clicking the link below!

http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-psychology-theories/stress-appraisal-theory/

Apparently, I decided that the stresses of being a Teaching Assistant were to be avoided at all costs. Maybe I decided that doing something about it was going to be harmful, and my immediate reaction was to run in the other direction.

I've been called an avoider more times than once in my life.

Here's the kicker, though. Even when we visit scripture we are encouraged to embrace opportunities for growth (James 1:2-4). We are invited into a relationship with Christ, which he promised would be difficult (Matthew 7:13-14). Stress doesn't need to be something to be avoided. It can be something that we perceive as being "challenging" instead of "harmful." And if we believe that every difficult circumstance we face in life is a opportunity for growth then I think that we will indeed become better, stronger people.

Is there a stressor in your life that you can embrace as an opportunity for growth, rather than fearing the harm it may cause?

Craig D. Lounsbrough, a counselor and writer said "If I am to excel in this life in any manner that is worthwhile, I must understand that ease is not a lifestyle. Rather, it is the brief and very momentary gift that we are granted because we have spent the bulk of our time purposely engaging that which is hard."

Happy engaging, Dear Ones!

"I feel so much better now."

I went to Sam's Club this morning. We are going camping, and I was purchasing snacks to take with us. As I cruised toward the water aisle, I heard exclamations of joy; excited chattering rose above the shelf units.

When I came around the corner, people were gathered in a less than socially distanced way... oohing and ahhing over stacks upon glorious stacks of toilet paper.

I stopped to take a photo. And I procured myself a fine looking toilet paper trophy, arranging it strategically and lovingly in a way that would tell the rest of the shoppers that toilet paper is now available. (Limit 1). 

One lady stood at the end of the aisle and remarked over the entire contents of the row. There was kleenex, and paper towels, and toilet paper, and a plethora of other dandy paper products. She said "Oh my gosh, I feel so much better now, knowing that this is all here." I do believe that she will sleep well tonight. 

We count on some strange things for comfort, don't we? 

I have been remembering all the time I used to spend in Haiti. The beautiful, strong third world country that taught me so much about my needs. The country we would all do well to learn from. The last time I went, far too long ago, we found ourselves caught in some protests. We spent a few hours bribing our way through road blockages and navigating unfamiliar terrain to get home to the safety of the base. 

As we were driving down the road, my friends were frantically making phone calls and finally got in touch with someone who knew how to find out where the manifestations were scheduled to be that night. He would say "Go! Go fast and hurry!" And then he would call again and say "Stop! Wait until I tell you to go again." We did not question the man on the phone. We trusted him, and did what he said immediately and without doubt. There are many situations in Haiti that require the residents there to be in relationship with each other. Over there, one must truly "know a guy" for survival. 

Here, our problems are so small, aren't they? I can't find butter; steak is expensive; our kids are bored; we are comforted by the simple knowing that there are paper products at the grocery store. 

As society is opening again, and we are emerging from a state of hibernation we are searching for those signs of what is normal. We are gravitating toward the things that we knew before The Great Pause. 

But here's the thing... before we became isolated what we found comfort in was quite possibly just "things." Just convenience. The stuff we can use up and throw away. And then go get more. What I want to say this week is that I hope you don't go back to that. I hope you will remember what it was that got you through this season of isolation. I think that if you look closely it will be the same for all of us. 

For me, (and I hope you too) it was the people that stepped into my struggles. It was the people who texted me when they thought of me. It was the people who asked if I had what I needed. It was (again) the people who called me out, and made sure I felt invited into deeper, more honest relationship. The ones I trusted without question to help me navigate tricky roads. It was those people who allowed me to do the same for them. I know a lot of people who have helped me survive, and this is what I want to cling to. I want to cling to relationships instead of things. I want to find comfort as I look down the aisle of my own life in the stuff that I can't just go get more of. 

Be comforted, Dear Ones. 

Re-Write Your Narrative

We finished school. We're headed into Summer Vacay. All of our plans have been ruined because of Corona Virus.

We can't go to the stampede because it got cancelled, which means I can't wear my cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots.

We can't swim in any of the swimming pools because they're closed.

Our yard has a ton of junk in it because Greeley cancelled Spring Cleanup day.

There will be no free Downtown Greeley outdoor concerts, which means there will be no petting doggos on leashes, no making new friends, no fire spinning, no ice cold beer in go-cups, and no dancing in the square.

And on top of that why can't I find butter at the grocery store?

The other day I was sitting with my sweet boy on our couch in front of our open window and he said "I hate Summer. Its too hot." and I said, "What season is your favorite?" And he said "Winter. I like winter because even if its cold outside I can be warm inside. In Summer it is hot outside and hot inside."

And I told him that we must take the seasons the way God gives them. We can have favorite seasons, and not like other seasons, but they have been given and allowed by God just the same.

And, sometimes we must re-write the narrative we live in. If it was not for the heat of Summer, we would not appreciate the cold of winter.

All of our plans have been changed because of Corona Virus.

The stampede has been cancelled, and our tickets have been credited to next year's event. We get first choice on what concerts and events we will attend. Maybe I can wear my cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots to one of those line-dancing shindigs. That would be a blast!

The pools are closed. Am I really that disappointed? I don't even like swimming pools. I always get too cold in them.

Our yard has junk. We get to find new, creative ways to re-purpose old wood planks we would have just thrown away. Save the sea turtles!

No Downtown Greeley Friday Fests? Perhaps we can have a fire pit in our backyard every Friday, and invite friends, and make our real relationships stronger. Maybe we can create a habit with our friends that will carry over to next summer when Friday Fests start again. Then we will have a solid group of Christ followers who can go to Downtown together and be the church in a new context.

The butter thing... its a privilege issue, right? To have nothing else to be upset about except that I haven't been able to find butter for two weeks?

Happy narrating, Dear Ones!