Trigger Warning: Read At Your Own Risk

Hi. I had another, much nicer, way easier blog all written. It started like this: "Is anyone else tired of 2020?"

Anyone? Hands?

I then went on to talk about all the things that have happened in 5 short months. But there is only one thing I want to talk about.

George Floyd.

This is the most current name that represents many, many lives lost at the hands of the police. Google the words "Black lives lost to police brutality" and take a good, hard look at what comes up.

I am a sociologist. I spent a long time earning a degree that caused me deep, personal offense. I argued against the facts... words like "systemic racism" are not just made up things that have no backing. Real sociologists are real scientists, and we spend more time trying to prove ourselves wrong than we do trying to be right. Numbers don't lie.

Just because systemic racism exists doesn't make your hard work irrelevant. Don't make this about you. (Google "systemic racism" if you don't really know what this word means.) 

I would go to class, and come home, and cry, and cry, and cry. This world is not fair, and it doesn't make any sense. And I don't understand why anybody would be offended that many, many black men and women have died, and that there is a call to justice. A call to right the wrongs.

 I didn't suffocate anyone with my own hands... with my own knee. I didn't beat someone to death. I didn't chase anyone down and murder them because they looked suspicious.

Why do we want to use this argument when we are uncomfortable about the race conversation, but we always take responsibility for the death of Jesus? "I am responsible for his death. It might as well have been me hammering the nails into his hands and feet."

Listen. I am angry. People are dying, and they shouldn't be.

I am not pointing my fingers at you... but I do want to challenge you to think really hard about your place in life. It is hard to confront our own perspective because we tend to only see things one way, which is our way. Below is a video that changed my life forever. I have watched it many, many times, and I sob from the very first sentence. It is 5 minutes long. The first little girl does a drill with her family, so she know what to do when she is stopped by the police. I have never done that with my children. (This is just one of many ways our white privilege is reflected.) There are things I take for granted simply because I am white. There are things I will never even consider because I am white. Am I a bad, guilty person because of this? No. But I should be aware of it.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DrqufuL6eD8

Challenge yourselves, Dear Ones. I will do the same.

Coping With Stress

Last week I received an email from one of my college professors. I have been accepted into the Sociology Master's program, and part of the program is an opportunity to get hired as a teaching assistant. The benefit of this position is that it pays a stipend, as well as half of the tuition.

It was my intent to apply for the position, but then Coronavirus happened, and my kids were doing online school, and the entire future of my whole life for the next 60 years was in question. (Just kidding. Doesn't it feel like that sometimes, though?) So... I ignored the deadline, and ignored the second (extended) deadline, and then did absolutely nothing.

The email my academic advisor sent went something like "I see that you haven't applied for a TA position. Why not?"

I ended up applying extra late, and found out a few short days later that I was accepted for the position! Yippee!!!

This situation had me thinking about how we deal with stress. It kind of goes hand in hand with the concepts we've been talking about... rewriting the narrative, and how we seek comfort.

There is a theory called "Stress Appraisal Theory." This refers to how we confront stressful situations in our lives. There is the primary appraisal which is when we decide if the situation is stressful to us, and if its even relevant to us. Then there is the secondary appraisal which is when we decide what our options for coping are.

If a situation is deemed to be merely challenging, or threatening, then we may allow ourselves more time to evaluate our options. If we feel that there is imminent harm we evaluate and react immediately.

All outcomes and decisions are based on an individuals intersections in life. (Google the word "intersectionality" if you want to get smarter.) And, having past experience with stressors makes us more capable of dealing with stressors in appropriate ways. Imagine that!

You can learn more about Stress Appraisal Theory by clicking the link below!

http://psychology.iresearchnet.com/social-psychology/social-psychology-theories/stress-appraisal-theory/

Apparently, I decided that the stresses of being a Teaching Assistant were to be avoided at all costs. Maybe I decided that doing something about it was going to be harmful, and my immediate reaction was to run in the other direction.

I've been called an avoider more times than once in my life.

Here's the kicker, though. Even when we visit scripture we are encouraged to embrace opportunities for growth (James 1:2-4). We are invited into a relationship with Christ, which he promised would be difficult (Matthew 7:13-14). Stress doesn't need to be something to be avoided. It can be something that we perceive as being "challenging" instead of "harmful." And if we believe that every difficult circumstance we face in life is a opportunity for growth then I think that we will indeed become better, stronger people.

Is there a stressor in your life that you can embrace as an opportunity for growth, rather than fearing the harm it may cause?

Craig D. Lounsbrough, a counselor and writer said "If I am to excel in this life in any manner that is worthwhile, I must understand that ease is not a lifestyle. Rather, it is the brief and very momentary gift that we are granted because we have spent the bulk of our time purposely engaging that which is hard."

Happy engaging, Dear Ones!

"I feel so much better now."

I went to Sam's Club this morning. We are going camping, and I was purchasing snacks to take with us. As I cruised toward the water aisle, I heard exclamations of joy; excited chattering rose above the shelf units.

When I came around the corner, people were gathered in a less than socially distanced way... oohing and ahhing over stacks upon glorious stacks of toilet paper.

I stopped to take a photo. And I procured myself a fine looking toilet paper trophy, arranging it strategically and lovingly in a way that would tell the rest of the shoppers that toilet paper is now available. (Limit 1). 

One lady stood at the end of the aisle and remarked over the entire contents of the row. There was kleenex, and paper towels, and toilet paper, and a plethora of other dandy paper products. She said "Oh my gosh, I feel so much better now, knowing that this is all here." I do believe that she will sleep well tonight. 

We count on some strange things for comfort, don't we? 

I have been remembering all the time I used to spend in Haiti. The beautiful, strong third world country that taught me so much about my needs. The country we would all do well to learn from. The last time I went, far too long ago, we found ourselves caught in some protests. We spent a few hours bribing our way through road blockages and navigating unfamiliar terrain to get home to the safety of the base. 

As we were driving down the road, my friends were frantically making phone calls and finally got in touch with someone who knew how to find out where the manifestations were scheduled to be that night. He would say "Go! Go fast and hurry!" And then he would call again and say "Stop! Wait until I tell you to go again." We did not question the man on the phone. We trusted him, and did what he said immediately and without doubt. There are many situations in Haiti that require the residents there to be in relationship with each other. Over there, one must truly "know a guy" for survival. 

Here, our problems are so small, aren't they? I can't find butter; steak is expensive; our kids are bored; we are comforted by the simple knowing that there are paper products at the grocery store. 

As society is opening again, and we are emerging from a state of hibernation we are searching for those signs of what is normal. We are gravitating toward the things that we knew before The Great Pause. 

But here's the thing... before we became isolated what we found comfort in was quite possibly just "things." Just convenience. The stuff we can use up and throw away. And then go get more. What I want to say this week is that I hope you don't go back to that. I hope you will remember what it was that got you through this season of isolation. I think that if you look closely it will be the same for all of us. 

For me, (and I hope you too) it was the people that stepped into my struggles. It was the people who texted me when they thought of me. It was the people who asked if I had what I needed. It was (again) the people who called me out, and made sure I felt invited into deeper, more honest relationship. The ones I trusted without question to help me navigate tricky roads. It was those people who allowed me to do the same for them. I know a lot of people who have helped me survive, and this is what I want to cling to. I want to cling to relationships instead of things. I want to find comfort as I look down the aisle of my own life in the stuff that I can't just go get more of. 

Be comforted, Dear Ones. 

Re-Write Your Narrative

We finished school. We're headed into Summer Vacay. All of our plans have been ruined because of Corona Virus.

We can't go to the stampede because it got cancelled, which means I can't wear my cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots.

We can't swim in any of the swimming pools because they're closed.

Our yard has a ton of junk in it because Greeley cancelled Spring Cleanup day.

There will be no free Downtown Greeley outdoor concerts, which means there will be no petting doggos on leashes, no making new friends, no fire spinning, no ice cold beer in go-cups, and no dancing in the square.

And on top of that why can't I find butter at the grocery store?

The other day I was sitting with my sweet boy on our couch in front of our open window and he said "I hate Summer. Its too hot." and I said, "What season is your favorite?" And he said "Winter. I like winter because even if its cold outside I can be warm inside. In Summer it is hot outside and hot inside."

And I told him that we must take the seasons the way God gives them. We can have favorite seasons, and not like other seasons, but they have been given and allowed by God just the same.

And, sometimes we must re-write the narrative we live in. If it was not for the heat of Summer, we would not appreciate the cold of winter.

All of our plans have been changed because of Corona Virus.

The stampede has been cancelled, and our tickets have been credited to next year's event. We get first choice on what concerts and events we will attend. Maybe I can wear my cowgirl hat and cowgirl boots to one of those line-dancing shindigs. That would be a blast!

The pools are closed. Am I really that disappointed? I don't even like swimming pools. I always get too cold in them.

Our yard has junk. We get to find new, creative ways to re-purpose old wood planks we would have just thrown away. Save the sea turtles!

No Downtown Greeley Friday Fests? Perhaps we can have a fire pit in our backyard every Friday, and invite friends, and make our real relationships stronger. Maybe we can create a habit with our friends that will carry over to next summer when Friday Fests start again. Then we will have a solid group of Christ followers who can go to Downtown together and be the church in a new context.

The butter thing... its a privilege issue, right? To have nothing else to be upset about except that I haven't been able to find butter for two weeks?

Happy narrating, Dear Ones!

Look Around

I have two finches, Leonardo and Lolita, and a Canary. The Canary's name is Saffron. They live in a very large flight aviary that I saved my money to purchase for them. I prepared a place for them before I chose them. 

Leonardo and Lolita are super cute. They beep and meep. They behave in the hyperactive way that finches do. Sometimes I will put seeds in the palm of my hand and Brave Lolita will come and sit on me and eat. Cautious Leonardo will hop from perch to hand, issuing stern warnings to his companion.

The kids like their laser sounds. I got them because when I was working on my Bachelor's degree I needed something to keep me company in my office. The endless amounts of work I was doing left me feeling lonely and isolated. They did their job well. They continue to serve their purpose, by simply being birds, and I delight in watching them. 

Saffron is sweet. Whenever I would come back home after hours of attending classes she would hear me unlock the front door, and begin to "TWEEET!" She would only stop if I went into the room and greet her. I would speak to her, and she would tweet back for a few minutes. 

Now that I am home all the time she still calls out to me. Usually she is asking for me to fill her food dishes, and sometimes to wash her water dish and give her fresh warm water to bathe in. She says "TWEET! TWEEEEET!" and I come running. After I have filled her food dishes she sits on them and tweets her thanks. I say "You're welcome, Pretty Saffron. You are such a pretty and polite yellow bird. I like you an awful lot. I'm so glad you're the Canary that lives in my house with me." 

Saffron makes me think of Genesis, when Adam and Eve lived in the beautiful garden that God made for them, and he would come and walk with them. I think of the way the humans' hearts must have leapt for joy when they heard his footprints.  

I think of Jesus, the God-Man who left heaven to walk earth with his beloved creation. Even though we were fallen and in need, he came to give us what we didn't even know we longed for. 

I think of how, when I call out to Holy Spirit, He sings over me. Maybe I have a need, and maybe I simply want to feel His presence near me.  "Daughter, you are loved. You are called and purposed. I knew you before your existence, and I knit every cell in your body together. I prepared a place for you in my Kingdom. Your worth doesn't need to be earned, because you are simply you, and I chose you." 

Ah, nature. Ah, creation. There are ribbons of God's grace surrounding us. We need only to look around. 

And so, be observant Dear Ones. 

Don't just do things.

Life is awfully boring and incredibly invalidating when the things that we do are unseen by the world. The mundane tasks of life seem to be un-ordained, un-holy, and so purposeless.

I have spent a lot of time lately talking about this. I believe we live in a culture of approval. We all want to be great. We want to be talented and leave our mark. If the whole world will not know our names when we have moved into the eternal then it is not worth the effort.

I notice that these attitudes exist within The Church as well. We are focused on doing Kingdom things. We want to walk in our purpose, but not if our purpose is not called out and recognized by the rest of the body. The Christian way of calling this out is "producing fruit for the kingdom." Laboring. Making sure everyone knows what you are doing to contribute to the greater good. Are you walking in your calling? Are you living your purpose?

I apologize if my cynicism is showing. I adore the church. I definitely believe in doing good works. I strive for this in my life, and I share my endeavors. I don't believe in "doing life" alone. I want and need encouragement for the things I do. I want to see others living out loud and on purpose. But, we are overlooking a lot of really important details when it comes to what we do.

I think that we are missing the point of doing.  

Naturally, once we come to Christ, we want to lead others in the same victory that we've experienced, and this is reflected in wanting to do stuff to prove how free we are. But scripture encourages stillness, it speaks of heart conditions and attitudes. Not just working, but of being in relationship with Christ, and relationship with others. Let me try to explain my thought pattern here.

Galatians 5:22-23: The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness gentleness, and self-control.

Are we minding our attitudes? Are we first, before acting on anything, choosing to live by the Spirit? This doesn't not require any external action. This requires a heart condition. Of course people will see that we are kind, or patient because of how we act... but the attitude must come before the action.

One book I really like a lot is James. We use this book in The Church to teach about doing. Indeed, James says "If you are wise and understanding let it be shown by deeds done in humility." But he also says the wisdom that comes from God is first of all pure, then peace loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit (see Galatians!), impartial and sincere. Wisdom is not produced by action, it is produced by choosing a proper attitude.

Immediately after this, James asks "What causes fights and quarrels among you? Isn't it from the desires that battle within you." Our hearts... our flesh. The things within us must first be addressed in order to walk in the deeds done in humility.

Ephesians 2:8: "For it is by GRACE you have been saved through FAITH (another heart condition!) and this not from ourselves, it is the gift of God. (We do not even produce our own faith! The faith it took to bring us to Christ was gifted to us by our Father!) 

Not by works, so no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, (Yes, to DO good WORKS) which God prepared in advance for us to DO. 

I was definitely made to do good works. But here's the oft overlooked point... 

All of the mindless doing is wasting time. God created me to do the good works that God has already set apart for me to do. Striving to do things simply for the purpose of proving something to others is distracting me from filling my heart with the attitudes that will make me more effective at the actual things God has for me.

What are you relying on to prove your goodness? What am I relying on to prove that I do contribute... that I am helpful, or worthy? Am I just trying to make myself feel special or worthy by all of the doing?

What if I waited on the Lord for the good works he prepared especially for me? And, what if, while I was waiting, I practiced to have an attitude like Christ... what if I strengthed my heart condition so that I will be more equipped for overflow?

This gift of pausing can really shift what our lives looked like before Covid-19. I am grateful for the opportunity to examine my heart. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you DO flows from it."

It is not our job to be concerned with what we do. It is our job to be concerned with our attitudes. Our hearts. We were called to nothing else but to LOVE. (Matthew 22:34-40) Let us shift our focus from doing, and begin to focus on being. 

Be well, Dear Ones.

The Gift of Stillness

Can you hear that? 

The whispering... 

Can you feel it?

Both the stirring, and the quieting? It is the work of God. It is Ruach Ha-Kodesh breathing into his people.

In Isaiah 43:19 he says "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up, do you not percieve it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland."

Look for it. Listen for it. Wait for it!

I, like most of you, perhaps, have been caught these last 7 weeks inside of my own self. I have been forced to confront the company of me, instead of being able to distract myself with the company of others. My attitudes, my heart conditions, have been laid bare. 

After awhile the novelty of self-care, and "rest" wore off. YouTube became boring and monochromatic. I was forced into contemplation; self reflection. The things I learned to cope with by avoiding were no longer avoidable. My house was clean-(ish), and I had purged my outside environment of cluttter. From the outside it looked like I had it all together, but the inside parts were messier than ever. All of the old emotional hurt had been stirred up and pulled out of the darkest corners of my heart. 

Psalm 46:10 says "Be still and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations. I will be exalted in the earth." 

2 Chronicles 20:17 says "You do not need to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you." 

Exodus 14:14 says "The Lord will fight for you. You need only to be still." 

We do not come to know the power of God by striving. We come to know the power of God by trusting His sovereign work. 

We are being re-worked. New things are being created with the Potter's hand (Jeremiah 18:4). After all, does the clay say to the potter "What are you making?" (Isaiah 45:9) 

We can trust that the Lord is good. We can trust that he will reshape us. This is why we have been given such a gracious gift... the gift of stillness. 

Be encouraged, Dear Ones. The word of the Lord will do what he intended for it to do, and Lord has spoken great things over you.